Words that shouldn't be spoken; Poems that speak out.

Just give me a second to work this out.
Don't lose faith, this is all we've got.
I promise to make things better.
I promise to give you everything.
Don't lose faith in what we had.
Look to the future and keep me close.
I'm not far.
I'm not near.
I'm everywhere.
Here and there.
I'm not dead.
I'm very well alive.
Don't cry.
We'll be together again.
I promise. <3​

 

I quite like this ^_^ It's such a free poem and has such a wonderful concept :'D I also like the heart you added on the end :3 very nice poem ^_^

 

Thank you very much on your input. . . :)

This was more than a stab in the back.
Or a slap in the face.
This is like ripping my heart into pieces,
In front of my face.
I was already on the ground,
So why did you make sure I couldnt get up?
I thought we had something,
You lead me on.
Until this day, I declared me yours!
With those piercings words flowing from your tender lips,
I realize I was just a pawn in your unfortunate game.​

 

These are amazing Nyan. I love how well you wrote them. and that heart at the end of the first one

 

I had a dream last night.
I was in a long tunnel.
It was black and never ending.
I ran and ran until my lungs could've exploded.
I called out your name, but you didnt reply.
I knew it was getting close.
My last final gasping breaths were calling your name.
As I hit the floor I knew it was the end.
I wish you were there to help me.
But I guess Angels don't need help in hell. . . ​

 

I like this one, even if it has a bit of a dark tone.

 

I never knew what dead meant.
I always thought that it meant gone.
Forever.
Even though they say that life does go on.
I hate that, because I'd like to think that the world would just stop.
Only for a moment,
and wait for those who cant keep up.
Instead of leaving them behind,
to face the dangers of the world, by themselves.
Some venturing off on the wrong path.
Others to the road of success.
It all only depends on your choices.
Everyone is dealt the same exact deck of cards.
Its up to you on the card to play.
The world is just here as the game board.
And we are all the pawns. ​

 

These poems are riddled with cliches and the language is really bland. You use I 's and You's too much without specifying who. You need to play with language more and get out of your comfort zone. Your poems are incredibly basic and need a lot of work.

 

"Come with me." The dark ones Knight of Nights whispered illuminatingly.
Fire, they once called her.
Thus, her Knight of Nights, Water.
She shined through the trees. Giving life with radiant beams.
The boy never meant to do the dirty deed.
The power of their last knee-weaking kiss, blew her flame out.
The Knight held the nefarious Princess of Death in his shaking arms.
"It'll be better." And then she had gone.

Why would you stoop so low!
Act as if I needed your help!
Excuse me, who are you.
Last time I checked you were just as new.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
You are the dumb one,
but I was the fool.


​

Beaten, neglected and hurt.
Everything could be much worse.
Can't stop this from boiling over.
Anything you need is in the kitchen drawer.
Useless, forgotten and pained.
Scared over a little game.
Enough of this abuse.
Over a simple truce.
For my heavenly fathers sake!
You are one of my greatest mistakes!
Out of the shadows and into the sun,
Under the table lays a blood-stained gun.​

 

I have to agree with Rainshine as far as basicness is concerned (don't see a problem with the I's and you's though). There are some readers who prefer that style, but it wouldn't hurt to aim higher. I'm glad you tried rhyme in these last few poems.

Credit where credit is due though: sometimes you rise above yourself. At times you deliver gems like these:

A few more clever lines like these per piece could take your poetry to a higher level. Either way, I encourage you to keep writing!

 

Alright. Thanks :3

If only he could see me.
Notice me, please!
When we met in the hall on the first day of school.
I fell into his sky blue eyes.
My hands strong, my knees weak.
If I fell for him, would he be there to catch me?
Don't want to be free falling.
Don't want to be forgotten again.
Praying every night for you.
Wishing every night for us.
Wishers can't be chose?
Funny thing is,
I'm always wishing,
so I'm never chosen.
</3

 

Spoiler: QUOTE

Honestly I love your work. The first one in this post actually reminded me of a friend. The second one was original, I can't really describe it the way I want (sometimes I get writers block with criticism). The third piece was magnificent, especially the lines I highlighted. You seem to play with dark and light in your work, correct me if i'm wrong, and that is one of my personal obsessions/favorites.

Honestly about the "I's and You's" thing, I prefer a mystery. An enigma wrapped in a riddle shrouded by mystery, if you would. Though there are some who don't prefer that kind of thing. There's nothing wrong with that. There's also nothing wrong with the way you're doing things. To each his own, both writers and readers. If this is the way you like to write then there's no need to change the way you're doing things. However, if you would like to try to expand your horizons with a few new methods to get a better grasp of your own style and how it is seen by others, I do suggest trying a few new methods. Though the final choice lies with you.

In the end, as a final statement, I enjoyed reading your pieces and hope to see more in the future.

 

​Heh, thanks.

I plan to edit this post sometime tonight and add a poem.
I guess thats what you would call these. :3

​

 

She looked out into the world.
Her eyes open to a new perspective.
The red paint on her hands and clothes.
She realizes that there is so much more.
As the breathing slows to no more than whispers.
All there is left to do is wait, but shes impatient.
As she screams into the rain, she looks at her with tears in her eyes.
She'll never see her grow.
So she whispers, "Mom, don't leave me alone."​

 

Aww, so sad. I really like this one, sad as it may be. I only caught one spelling mistake, you missed a ' in the six line. Shes should be she's or she is. Actually is that a grammar problem? Either way, it's the only one I caught. All in all great piece ^_^

 

I see where I could fix that.
Thanks :3

I hate it when people make promises that why could never keep.​

You only wanted to stay in my life long enough for you to mean something.​

I trusted you, I leaned on you and you made me feel like I was something.​

You said you would be there for me, you said you wouldn't turn me away!​

I knew I should have never trusted a mans' foolish gold.​

But the words were so beautiful they made me think better of myself.​

"I will always be there for you."​

I hate it when you can't keep your word.​

Why are you fixing me?​

I'm not broken. Even if I was, I didn't get the memo.​

It was those eight letters.​

Three words.​

But really only one meaning.​

You broke that meaning and made me think in a different mind.​

So when the glass is shattered, and theres blood on the floor.​

And you think of the things you said, but didn't mean.​

Remember that I was always there, you can't ever say that I wasn't.​

I'll be a painfull memory in your mind.​

You will never forget me.​

You will cry at night and think of what could have happened.​

Instead you picked me up high from my lowest.​

And then abandoned me at my highest.​