( ... Not Adam and Steve. ) Oh, lawdy, I have a feeling I'm treading on dangerous waters here... :sweatdrop: But the title is mainly something to make ya look - it's not as bad as it seems. I was grounded for 2 weeks, and, damnit, I needed to do something brain-numbing! >.<; I literally made this up on my way home on the bus. Just goes to show what kinda evils can result from 3 seconds alone with thinking time in my mind. XD Boredome killz. AaaAAaaaAAaaaAAaaaaAAAAAAN-DUH! Before we get started, I just ave something to say to any flamers who might come kicking down my door... TO GAY RIGHTS ACTIVISTS: No, I am not knocking on gay people. Just the parental skillz of a certian pairing I happen to like. XD I don't want any fighting about gay marriage and crap. There's a perfectly good topic in Intelligent Discussion if ya wanna talk about that - this is mearly... a random story. TO YAOI HATERZ: There IS no yaoi here for you to flame. At all. So keep your complaints to yourself, if you please. Yeah - that's all I got... *yawn* Man... I'm so exhausted, and I don't even know why... *drags her sorry ass to bed* 2Foxxie4U's Irrelevant \ Sleep Deprived Productions~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Why God Created Adam and Eve… “DAAAAAAAD!” The door of the captain’s quarters suddenly burst open and soft, scuttling footsteps quickly followed. The pirate sighed, rolling his eyes. Here we go again… he thought. “Dad!” The soft, round face of a little boy, maybe about six years of age, poinked up beside him. The boy had sparkling blue eyes; one that was covered up with an eye patch to emulate his father’s. He also had a scar-like birthmark lining his cheek that held startling resemblance to his father’s scar, long bleach-blonde hair tied up in a ponytail, and pointy elf-like ears that had several piercings through them. “What is it, Xilord…?” Xigbar sighed, folding his hands behind his head. The cigarette in his mouth danced with every word. “Make it quick – you know how I am during down-time…” “Can we go play catch up on the poop-deck? Pretty please?!” Xigbar let out an extremely mature whine. “NOW?! C’mon, dude – I just sat down!” “Oh…” The boy’s face fell for a second, but then brightened again just as fast. “Okay, then – when do ya wanna?” “Mmm… How ‘bout never?” Xigbar waved his hand carelessly. “G’on and play by yourself, a’ight? Daddy’s busy.” The boy pouted angrily and crossed his arms, glaring at his father. “… You don’t LOOK very busy…” he grumbled. Xigbar began rubbing his temples slowly. This was going to get… VERY annoying… VERY fast unless he did something. And quick. “Look, Xilly…” he said slowly. “Be a good little boy for your old man, take this,” he handed the boy a bottle of rum, “And scram. Like… Now.” Xilord looked down in wonder at the bottle. Ooooh! Some of Mum and Dad’s SPECIAL apple juice! A broad grin split his face in two. He tottered off, cradling the bottle in his arms. “Okee-dokee then, Dad! Thanks for the juice!” he shouted over his shoulder. “Yeah, whatever…” Xigbar pulled the cigarette out of his mouth, and blew out a gentle stream of smoke. 30 minutes later… Xilord skipped down the deck merrily, grinning from ear to ear and singing in a loud, raucous voice, “YO, HO, FIBBITY DEE!~ DO WHUT CHYOO WANT CUZ A PIRATE IS FREE!!!~ YO, HO, FIBBITY DEE! YOU ARE A PIRATE! ARRRG!!!” Usually Xilord had a great voice, especially for someone his age, but even for a six-year-old, one had to notice how terrible his singing was. With every ear-piercing screech he made, an angel in heaven burst into flames, and crashed to the earth. And died. Apparently, though, Xilord didn’t notice, and continued dancing and singing with the half-emptied rum bottle sloshing over the floor, only stopping now and again to puke all over the place and continue like nothing ever happened. And what was Xigbar doing, you ask? Whistling calmly to himself, leafing through a newspaper, and sipping some coffee as if he HAD no drunk six-year-old son on a rampage. Suddenly, Xilord got an ingenious idea. He scrambled up the main mask of the ship, and screamed, “Hey, DAD!” Xigbar ignored him. “DAAAAAAAAD?!~” The man sipped some more coffee, never taking his eyes off the paper. “Hey! Hey, DAD! Look! Are ya lookin’?!” “Mmmmm…?” “Look! Look, Dad – I’ma… I’ma bout ta do somethin’ AWESHUM! Are ya lookin?!” “I’m lookin’…!” Xigbar lied. “Okay!” Xilord took a deep breath. “Okay…! Watch THIS!” With a shrill whoop, Xilord launched himself off the crow’s nest, flailing his arms around like a ******ed chicken, and giggling himself into a coma. WHUMPF! Silence for a moment. “Oh… Oh, gawd…” Xilord whimpered. “That… Was bloody WICKED, man!” He burst out into another giggle fit. “Did ya see me, Dad, huh, did ya?!” “Yeah, that’s nice, honey…” Xigbar yawned. “Wasn’t it bloody AWESOME?!” “Yeah – that’s nice, honey…” “Heh…… Ehhehhehhehhehheh…! Oh… Uh… Dad? Is it normal when your leg’s bent the wrong way? …And your arm?” “Yeah – that’s nice, honey…” “Haha! Yuh – that’s gonna be sore in da mornin’! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… haha…” And just like that, he passed out. Suddenly, the door to the captain’s quarters burst open. “What’s going on here?” asked a man with a crisp British accent. “I thought I heard something drop…” He had sharp, blue eyes and short, blond hair. He also had a neatly trimmed goatee and several piercings in his ears as well. Xigbar shrugged. “Iunno. Probably the wind or somethin’.” “Ah…” Luxord nodded a bit, gazing around silently. Something wasn’t right about this picture… Suddenly, it came to him. “Wait a tic – where’s Xilord?” “Xilord? Ummm…” Xigbar scratched his chin thoughtfully. “I… thought he was with you.” “I sent him over to play with you over half an hour ago…” Luxord growled through clenched teeth. A pause. Suddenly, Xigbar slapped his forehead. “Oh YEAH! Now I remember! I sent him off with a bottle of rum a while ago. He should be fine.” Luxord stammered a bit, staring incredulously at the raven-haired man. “Y…You’re joking…” he said slowly. “You just… GAVE it to him?!” “Uh… yeah. So? We’ve got more, don’t we?” Luxord was on him in an instant. He heaved the other man up by his collar, and rattled him, screaming, “Are you bloody well MAD?!” “Hey! HEY!!!” Xigbar screamed, flailing his arms about. “What gives?! What did I do?!” Luxord blinked. “… What did you do…? What did you DO?!” With an angry grunt, he tossed the dumbfounded pirate back on the chair. “Oh, I’ll TELL ya what you bloody well did! You just gave OUR son a bottle of rum… AND YOU FORGOT HIS SIPPY CUP!!!!!” ~End~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So, yeah. Basically, he saw into the future, saw how completely HORRIBLE these guys were at parenting, and decided he couldn't let this happen no matter what. .......... That's my excuse. Deal with it. XD I honestly couldn't think of a single other title. GWAAAAAH - I LURV Xilord like he was real. X.x; I can't wait til I make his whole story... With permission of mah baby's mama, of course. XD; *betchslap't* .... Yes - they're on a ship. No, I don't know why. It was originally supposed to be in TWTNW... But... I changed it for some reason. XD; Whatever. I.... KNOW I had more to say, buuuuut............... I can't remember what it was. :sweatdrop: Whatever - hope ya liked.... and whatever. *ist sehr tired* X.x; Lord of the Wings, ~Leah.
Gawd Foxxie only you could write something like this and pull it off...xD Epic. As always xD. No complaints at all xD. WHERE BE DAT RUM >:
Ahur hur hur. ... Such a beautiful tale of a pirate lad and his rum. :,D Awesome, wonderful, FANTABULOUS~! asdfghjkl; Keep it up, girl. >:3
Xilord: Th... That's MY rum! TTATT *starts bawling* Xigbar: Why you little...! D< *punches* Luxord: Pwn't. XD Hey, BTW and everything, thanks. XD
*Steals it from him* Xemnas (a.k.a Mansex): You little...! Me: AXEL'S BURNING YOUR LIGHTSABERS!!! Xemnas: WHERE! WHERE?? AXEL STOP!! *Runs off* Great story! "YOU FORGOT HIS SIPPY CUP!!"
I hate it when I think I commented but I really didn't :sweatdrop: ....... I forgot whut I wuz gonna say XD
Very funny! Ya'know I didn't expect the ending to be the sippy cup*laughs* As always your stories are funny...funny bunny funny:D
