Why don't women take the initiative?

Now, I'm not one to generalize, but generally speaking women do not take the initiative to talk to guys.


A short anecdote:

Spoiler

I hadn't really paid attention to this until this one girl took the initiative to talk to me and wasted no time in telling me she was interested in me. I was so tsurprised by this that I thought one of my friends were playing a prank on me.

Now, is it because women have a wider sexual selection (and therefore shouldn't have to seek a mate)? Is it because the old formula of men making the first move have some precedence over it? Is it because women don't want to be seen as desperate, or "thirsty"? Is it because women are trained to be more passive?

Your thoughts, I would like them.

 

that made me laugh

 

centuries of social rules and stigmas and taboos. there's your answer.

 

boys have cooties

 

Socialisation i'd argue. Women aren't taught to pursue men, in general. The minute a woman tries to flirt with me, I get confused as hell. And then my friends say after 'You know she was flirting with you, right?' i'm dumbfounded. That's more me being shocked someone finds me attractive, but it's generally such a rare thing for guys, we don't process it well. Shame too. But as people get older and their minds become bolder, it's not as rare to see a woman pursuing a guy. But at 21, it's still not all that common.

 

It's a society thing. Like the whole 'playa vs ****' thing. As a rule, people look down on women who initiate relationships as 'desperate'

 

Offer free alcohol. It'll attract the wrong type of women but at least they'll talk to you. The problem then is getting them to shut up.

 

Basically what everyone has said, internalized notions of patriachary. In the days of courtship, it was indecent for a woman to be too forward, else she'd be labelled a flirt.

Y'all should read Pride & Prejudice yo

 

Dude... I love forward girls. And I've only ever met one. :'D It's a hard life.

Arright that's not true but only one has ever approached me in the romantic sense.

 

For the record I don't think guys are always very forward either, probably because they don't want to seem creepy or come on too strong, but I think society could benefit from more transparency in personal interactions. Honesty is a really attractive quality, to me.

 

At least for me, I constantly have heard girls complain about boys being too forward, so that's why for a long time I was very reluctant to approach any :\

 

I'm guilty of this. I dislike guys being too forward or pushy or all-around creepy.

 

Speaking as an asexual here, I really don't have an interest in all that stuff. [[With one exception, which I might be demi for but shh]]. I'm not the type to initiate. But from what both my lady friends and guy friends have said, it's a societal thing. Women don't want to come across as too desperate and men don't want to come across as creepy.

I could go on for hours about societal roles in dating/courtship rituals but I don't feel like putting forth the effort.

 

Aye, I've never wanted to be that kind of guy who hits on women in such a manner that it seems pushy or creepy. I also have the slight look of a creepy to some, in physique and face, and being told that is a kick in the self esteem.

Basically, nothing works, we'll all die alone on this forum... together.

I do like forward women, to a degree. As long as they don't remind me of my mother in their fierceness, i'll play ball.

 

That's true, too. Most guys talk to girls without making their intentions clear, which leads to frustration when the guy gets put in the, dare I say it, "friendzone." I always be forward with the girls I talk to, which leads me to a much more satisfying love life.

Additionally, if a girl and I get intimate sans commitment, I'd like to ask her what she wants to make out of what just happened (either pursue a relationship, make it be just a one-time thing, or a friends with benefits type deal). A lot less confusion and a lot less broken hearts. I wish we could all communicate our desires without masking things.

I personally like to ask a woman for the time, or where something is before coming clean and saying "Oh never mind, I just thought you were cute and wanted to talk to you." And proceed the conversation from there, and then ask for her number after it all.

I mean really, one of the only acceptable ways for a stranger to talk to someone else is asking for directions or the time, and you come off as less creepy (as opposed to pick up lines or cat calls, or whatever) and more like a normal guy. First impressions are everything, after all.

But yeah, go out and try it. I highly recommend it. Worst thing that can happen is that she says no because you're not her type, has a boyfriend, or is gay. Literally none of those things are your fault, and her saying no is the worst thing that could happen, so what do you have to lose?

(ALSO, stand up straight, and be confident while doing it.)