Not sure exactly what this is. Just kind of came up with something after vivid inspiration. Not sure if that's the best way to go. Basically, this is about having a dream about an imaginative girl, or a foreshadow of one to come and the desperation to know who she is. Hope you enjoy, critiques would be most wonderful. Who art thou? I know thee not, even so, my soul longs for thee. Like some emblem of my passionate desires, You appear in my dreams. I see thy visage, ‘tis so lucid. But when I awake from night’s sensations, Thine figure is effaced from my eyes. Natheless, it is engraved within my core. Like trying to remember a long forgotten memory, I can only remember how I felt. Will thou reveal thy face to me? O world, mold her into reality! To hold thee in my arms, And comfort thee with undying love. How my heart aches, I am in mortal melancholy. Ev’ry moment I think of you my mind gets turbid. I beseech thee, tell me thy name! If the unconscious mind is the gate to thy soul, May I never wake. Simply may I earn one thing before dawn breaks; Who art thou?
It's nice. But the diction is perhaps outdated, and perhaps generic. Could just be me, though, for I find it so difficult to 'get into' poetry of any sort, as my eyes scan critically for the writing quirks, the immediate flaws, the poet's patterns of speech; I fail to see its depth emotionally and consequently see only what is present at surface. Same, same, same. All rather boring. This, consequently, is why I scarcely ever write, poetry included. But it's nice. I suppose. I wish I could better form an opinion of poetry. BTW, nice Ennis icon. I'm a sucker for suited women.
Thanks, I wrote it at the end of November, so most of what I was thinking at the time just left. Luckily I had this typed then. Meh, it's hard for me to get emotional with my vernacular. I try more of an archaic approach, as it seems to feel more mystifying, especially when spoken. But I sincerely appreciate your comment LARiA. And thanks, she is quite good looking in a suit.
My favourite lines in this solid piece. While the "thou/thine" speak sounded a bit too heavy at times, it did add to the overall melancholy feeling of the poem so I think it was a good choice after all. It is a simple concept, made sophisticated by your understanding of the drama of longing. Nice work.
