What is so wrong with it?

Countless times, whenever I mention anything about my boyfriend, people have told me that because it's on the internet, it can't possibly be real.

Why not? Why does it seem so impossible that two people could actually have feelings for each other over the internet?

I want to hear other people's opinions before I counter.​

 

some people find it weird because you never really know what the other person is like.
They could seem like the sweetest person ever and it may end up being that that isnt true.

 

Well, people generally assume that all romantic relationships will begin with "good ol' physical attraction". Of course there is always the fear that the people you are talking to online arent who they say they are and indeed pedophilia is sometimes an issue.

The majority of people consider the physical aspect of their relationship to be the most important. If anything I think couples who meet online who can overcome this are stronger in that they dont have to rely on physical meetings to keep their relationship going.

 

Well, most adults think it's irrelevant to actually just speak to someone over the internet, not even talking of love on the internet. Yet there are plenty people out there going on those sites that hook you up with someone else, making you look at who "matches" you.
But I still think it's the matter of the mentality of the adult.
Some think it's alright to do it. But some thinks it's stupid. In my opinion, it's alright. I meet boys and talk to boys everyday on the internet, but I don't have a real 'boyfriend' on here.
I particularly think myself is in for a serious relationship with a boy I've never talked to, interacted with, or seen in real life.
But in schools and such, most kids that actually go out and have fun with other kids in the area, make fun of the kids with boyfriends/girlfriends on the internet.
For that reason I don't know, maybe jealousy; maybe just for the sense of Bullying.
But all in all, there is no real answer to this, other then a choice.
You can either except the thought of the bashing of having a boyfriend, or you can just live through this in anger, and probably and up making someone upset by the rage.

 

Hmm, every time I ask this question, people assume the internet is limited to text. They usually don't take into account webcams and voice chats.

I agree with Yuna that good online relationships may be stronger than the ones that are basically all physical. The advantage of an online relationship is that the physical temptations aren't as strong, so there's more time to work on the mental and emotional bonds.

Then again, I do understand that pure text relationships are risky, since it's much easier to lie through text than with a webcam and mic.​

 

You're right in that it's easier to trust people youve seen and heard, but when first meeting someone online it's generally through text so a first impression will be in text form. Hence its not physical attraction that first draws you to that person.

Even those who talk and livechat on the internet may have trouble when meeting in real life. It can be a huge pressure when there is no longer a screen between you, which is why it can be risky to meet up at times.

 

My parents think that anyone you talk to over the internet is automatically out to get you,and wants to rape and kill you.
And even though there are people like that out there,it doesn't really make much of a difference than in real life.
There is always gonna be a bad guy,someone who wants to hurt you.
I don't think the internet is adding or subtracting to that fact.

I think that adults and other people think online dating is stupid,because you haven't met the people in real life and that means you love each other less.
I disagree.
I think internet relationships can show you that you can love people that are half way around the world from you,or maybe just in a different state or country.

Online relationships take you outside of the very tiny little box your parents,peers and neighbors put you in.
Like that certian place you are living in and nowhere else.
I personally think it's cool to date someone or even just be friends with someone who isn't from where you are,or even just 20 minutes away.
Not the same ol shit all the time,if you know what I mean?

Also,I think most people are influenced by the adults around them,and they are scared to be in a relationship with someone online.
They don't see the certain advantages it has because they are blinded by fear and sometimes even the people around them.

 

Well, IMO having a relationship on the internet is weird. First of all, you only get to know the side the person wants to show you. You don't get to see bad habits or anything like that, that the other person don't want you to discover.

Second, you can never be quite sure who you're talking to, of course web chats etc excist, but people still lie, a 17 year old girl could pretend to be older etc. And for all you know she can say she's a foxy, blonde cheerleader, but in reality she's a geek with a passion for maths, if she never tells you, you'll never know, and well I wouldn't call that as nice as a real life relationship.

Thirdly, people adapt to each other online, whenever you meet someone irl you usually have different sights on things, and of course you can have that online too, but when meeting online and you can say about anything, it's easy to lie etc. Of course that applies to irl, but online it's easier seeing it as you're not actually face to face with the person.

And at last, physical attraction is a big part of a relationship, not everything of a good relationship of course, but humans long for human contact. IMO I wouldn't say people forming relationships online are any stronger that people than do it irl, because of course you can care etc online, but communicating and talking and learning how people react to each other irl is so different. It can be hard and it takes a lot to keep up with each other and love each other trough every flaw. And you can't like compare online relationships with like irl relationships without sex. Since human contact is more than sex, it can be a hug, a kiss, etc and that is nice. And I personally think things like that are important. Because in real life, you meet and experience people and live it, online people text and talk about themselves and what they'd like to experience.

I'm not saying that online relation ships are horribly wrong, I'm just saying why I much rather prefer and adore real life relationships.

Edit:
One good thing about online relationships is that if you ever happen to meet the person, and both of you have been honest, you may actually be able to form a good relationship because you've gotten to known each other very well.

 

Okay so I'm going to sound really cheesy right now and say that love can defy any distance. If you really just downright adore the person you are with and make it a commitment to stay in touch with them as much as you possibly can, then I see nothing wrong with e-relationship or long distance (when you first meet the person in real life) ones either. Adults are ignorant to this subject. They grew up in different time than us and its only natural that they think its a bit "off" to be in love with someone you can only hear bits of audio from or see their face on a pixelated screen. Even as I type that it makes it seem "off" from a 30 year old person's standpoint. Anyway, the aspect of the relationship is the same, just they are very different in pretty obvious ways.

So in response to anyone who's said its not real, **** them. You love the person you're with, isn't that all that should matter? Yes, it's easier to lie, but why should you? For that matter, why should you suspect your boy/girlfriend lying when alot of a relationship is based on trust.

 

That isn't universally true. A lot of people discuss bad habits and whatnot either to get it out into the open, or to start conversation.

Again, not true all the time. Generalizations are bad. Plenty of people meet over sites like Ustream and whatnot, and they know what the other person looks like from the get-go. Even if you don't have video chatting as an option, you can send each other pics that would prove your validity. Like if one person sends the other a gift, and the person who received said gift takes a picture with it. Anything to prove that it isn't just someone ripping pics from some random person's MySpace page. It can really be as simple as that.

This is a valid point, but at the same time, it really isn't too much easier to pretend to have the same views as your partner online. Sure, Google helps, but you can only BS so much, even with that.

You contradicted yourself pretty bad. You said humans have a desire for physical contact, yet you say that people in online relationships, which obviously, for the most part, have no physical contact involved, aren't any stronger than people who are in real life relationships, and can have physical contact pretty much whenever they want. Being able to stay together for long periods of time despite the lack of physical closeness does make you stronger; it's pretty much a fact based on your statement.

 

There's an exception to every rule, but honestly, I wouldn't say most people excately break the ice with bad habits online or irl. Besides, a lot of people have bad habits they don't consider bad habits, but other people notice it far to well irl. Maybe the person doesn't display that online, and you'd never know, but if you ever happened to meet the person and discover these things, no good. I'm not saying this applies to everyone, but you can't replace the feelings, impressions and whatnot when you meet someone, with typing and seeing pictures of them, it's two totally different things, sure videochats is something, but you don't like bring your webcamera to a shopping day or something.

Second, again it's an exception to every rule, and I didn't say ALL people are like that, but can you honestly say you're JUST THE SAME like you're irl,online ?

Well, eh like if you were to start a relationship online, or were interested in someone online, and they said they liked ummm Hello Kitty, and you had no idea what it was, irl you'd go " ehmmmm, no" online you could easily just google it or something, and say " ohhh that's cool" to impress the person, already there it's easy to start with little lies online. Then if you continue, as you said, one can only BS so much.

Okay, let me break it down really easily for you what I meant by that:
I wouldn't consider people online stronger than people irl, because they're able to stay togheter for a longer time even though they have no physical contact.

I understand that it can be confusing when I said that people do long for physical contact, but at the same time online relationships escapes the whole hiatus of mood swings and body language misunderstandings and such, I'm not saying people never get pissed on the internet or never misunderstand each other, but you do tend to have a more smooth mood or normal mood swings online, especially while talking to people everyday about stuff you like etc. *I* personally would say it's easier communicating at least online, at least at first. To put it simply, irl people have to put up with everything, the good and the bad about how the person behaves and acts. Online, you have to put up with what they type and TELL you they feel etc.

Bottom line being, online relationships have to handle no contact, but irl relationships have to handle everything that comes with contact, and that doesn't just mean the good stuff, things are far easier misunderstood irl when it comes flirting and so on. So both things basically weigh up for themselves.
I wouldn't call it a "I contradicted myself pretty bad" more of a excuse my ****** way of explaining things.

 

You never know if the other person's faking it.

This covers cheating, desire for body language/contact, actual emotional care, etc.

 

I've answered you in another thread. I'll leave the short version here:
Online relationships have several "handicaps", events that can never take place over the internet, that make it so that people start questioning: without being able to go through this and that, how strong can that love be?
Your love isn't put to the test nearly as much as in actual physical relationships, nor does it have the possibility to evolve into more mature stages.
Bluntly said, online "love" is both easy and boring after a while.

On another note, never fool yourself into thinking that the physical aspect of a relationship is not important. It most definitely is. That's one more reason I'd like to give.

 

I never said it's not important, I only said it's not as important as the other stuff.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I could have even just a hug or kiss from him. However, I know that if we had met IRL instead of online, I personally would've been too scared to even talk to him. Online relationships do take work, but so do real ones.

It may not work for some people, but it works for me with the situation I'm in right now.

I think I'll stop arguing for tonight. I'm tired, and I've been trying to prove my point all day.​

 

You make some good points.

I think if you're going to get into an online relationship you have to be pretty open about every aspect of your personality and life. I'm proud of my relationship with John in that we'll be honest with each other. I know all about the bad sides to him as well as the good sides- and since we're meeting very soon, there would be little or no point in lying about ourselves.

Hell, I'll tell John if Im in an awful mood :v I don't try and turn into someone else when Im online, I don't try and be the perfect girlfriend or hide behind the screen; to me, he's just somebody I love who happens to live far away.

 

I'm pretty sure that this thread is talking more about online dating/having an online boyfriend or girlfriend, but there's also the non-romantic relationships that I think we should discuss.

Most users on here have friendships with others. We're a very social site in my opinion; many of us freely give out our MSN and AIM identities to get to know others better. Having had many friendships over the internet both in the past and the present, I sincerely believe that they work. There are times when I would wish that I could meet an online friend in real life because I think human contact is extremely important. There are times when I'm satisfied with simply reading text. (I know that many of you bring up the point of voice chats and webcamming but I don't do that with anyone online so I can't really speak of it)
But when online relationships are taken to another level, a romantic level, that is when I begin to doubt their credibility. I believe that to love someone you must completely and fully trust and understand them. Hayabusa brought up the point that you never know if the other person is faking it, and while some may argue that a large majority of internet users are not 'out to get you,' it still deserves some credit. How can you know if a person is lying if you cannot read their body language? How can you come to know someone when you can only see the side of them that they so choose? It turns into a situation of completely blind loyalty and trust, which no relationship can be built on. That's part of the reason why I doubt the merit of most online relationships.

Are you saying that in real life relationships you can't get to know someone on a mental and emotional level because of physical temptation? Strong people can resist their base lusts and desires, and it's not as if every person feels the urge to rip off their boyfriend's pants when they're around them.

Is it really so bad if relationships begin on physical attraction? I could see someone who is absolutely gorgeous in my eyes, strike up a conversation with them because I like the way they look, and they could end up being the sweetest person in the world and the person I marry/have a longterm relationship with. (completely hypothetical, I neither have the courage to do that or the desire to go husband hunting. plus it's highly unlikely.)

People lie not only in online relationships but in real life relationships. I believe the point they're trying to make is that in online relationships it's easier to, and while it may not be intentional, it happens.

You see, this is part of the reason I don't think discussing this is really worth it because you get immature responses like this. You're basically saying that everyone with views different from you can just go **** themselves. That's rather ignorant, and while I don't think you should vest much in what other people think of you, it's important. Going through life with a "**** the world" attitude isn't healthy.

(I changed the green because the lime was burning my eyes)
While I agree with this, it is a strength to be devoted to someone without physical contact, you're making it seem as if people in real life have no control over their lusts.
I don't want to seem as though I'm fighting to destroy all of those in online relationships. I'm not completely against them. I try to be a firm believer in the "to each one's own" philosophy, and I of course am not a warrior against them or any form of no contact relationship.

While anyone could really say that about their relationship I give you the benefit of the doubt and I congratulate you on that. This is an example of an online relationship that I agree with and think can work. But it is extremely difficult for some people to be completely open with one another and very rare that they are. If you are I applaud you. But in most cases I doubt that something like this can happen because I have a rather pessimistic nature sometimes.

lol @ long post. also I want to say that I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings or degrade your relationships it's just my opinion, and you all should take this post and what everyone else posts as exactly that -- opinions, a concept a lot of people here seem to struggle with. So far there's nothing too bad here but I'm just saying for future reference.

 

Love can take many forms, whether physical, spiritual, mental, etc. Sometimes a relationship of just words typed down can be one of the most open-hearted relationship you have with someone.

I would say however, I know from experience that it can lead to complications, you do need the physical at some point in a relatinship, so it is a real difficulty if you don't live near ach other.

I just wish the very best of luck to all interent relationships.