Well, I never thought I'd be posting here...

Okay, I'm partially posting this because I seriously need to talk to someone/rant about this, and partially because I actually do need help deciding what to do.

First of all, compared to other problems that people have, this really won't seem like a big deal to anyone, and I know that I should just grow up and that I shouldn't be bothered by this, but it's a big deal to me.

Every year at the beginning of summer break, my family goes to a lake for about a week, and my sister and I both bring friends with us. It's always really fun, and everyone looks forward to it. In the past, I've been allowed to bring one friend, so I would bring one of my two best friends, depending on who wasn't busy (it always worked out that one of them couldn't go anyways, so there were never any hard feelings about the other not being able to come). Now, I've been friends with these people for almost seven years, and they, along with a couple others, are the best friends anyone could ever ask for, and I've always known that our friendship would be able to last even after we went our separate ways when we graduated from high school. So I wasn't all that worried this year when we started college. All of us are at different schools, but we haven't really had a problem keeping in touch, and even though we haven't seen each other that often, we talk all the time, so I've been feeling like we're still as close as ever.

So this year, my parents told me that I could bring up to three friends on this trip. So of course I invited the two I usually invite, we'll call them Annie and Michelle, and also one of my other very best friends, we'll call her Nia. I told the first two about the trip around three months ago, and I told Nia about a month ago. They all said they could come, and that they were excited.

About three weeks ago, Annie informed me that she would be staying at college this summer because of summer school. I was disappointed, but of course I understood, and since her college is pretty close to the lake she said that maybe she would be able to drive down for a couple days. That's fine with me, and I still would have my other two friends there, so I tell her not to worry about it and that we'd do something together another time.

So then about a week ago I emailed all three of them, reminding them of the dates and stuff like that, and informing Michelle and Nia that Annie wouldn't be able to be there but might drop by for a few days. Michelle emailed me back, saying once again that she was very excited. Then I got an email from Nia. She said that she was sorry, but she'd just finished making plans for one of her friends from college to visit her that week. I was kind of confused, because she'd already said she could come, but I figured she'd either just forgotten the dates or that was the only time her friend could visit. But that was okay, because Michelle would still be there. Michelle is my best friend out of all of them. We've known each other the longest, and we've been extremely close for years. So I was happy that at least she would be there.

So today I got an email from Michelle. She said that she was offered a job for a two week soccer camp (she's like a soccer star) and that one of the weeks was the same week as the trip. She said that she was sorry, but it didn't look like she was going to be able to make it. I didn't really know how to respond. She's been saying for months that she would be able to go, and now all of a sudden she's bailing because of a two week job?

Now all of a sudden, I have no friends going with me. I started out with three. Annie of course has a very good reason, which I completely understand, and she told me a while ago that she wouldn't be able to make it, so I'm completely fine with that. Nia has a slightly worse reason, but I figure that maybe it was my fault for not emailing a reminder about the dates sooner. I'm a little annoyed about that, but I can let it slide. But as for Michelle... I just don't understand. I know that having a job is important, but first of all, we had planned on applying for jobs together when we started break next week, and second of all, it's only for two weeks. I feel really hurt; is she really willing to ditch me for something like that? We're so close that we're practically like sisters; or at least we used to be. It hit me that maybe college actually has caused my friends and I to grow apart more than I realized; maybe I was just in denial all this time, thinking that nothing had changed, and that we were still just as close as ever. It hurts me to think about that; I always tell myself how lucky I am to have found friends like them, and I've always wondered what I did to deserve them being in my life. The idea of losing that friendship is very painful to me. I know that that's part of growing up, and everyone says that people tend to lose stuff after high school, but I honestly thought that our friendship was stronger than that.

I'm also kind of pissed because this is so last minute. Anyone else that I would consider inviting either has plans or gets sea sick (so a lake trip is not for them). And besides, they're really the only ones I wanted to be there. Now I'm just going to be there by myself, while my younger sister and her friends try to "include me", no doubt due to my mother's urging. The thought of that is so pathetic that it makes me want to cry. Can I really not find anyone to go with me??

I know that I may be making too big a deal out of this, but I just can't help but feel hurt and angry because of this. Of course they don't have to go, but the fact that they said that they would and then turned around and said that they couldn't really confuses me.

So anyways, here's the part I need help with. I emailed Michelle back and said that it was okay, but that now I would be all by myself, so I didn't really know what to do. She emailed me back and said that she felt bad. She said that maybe she should go instead of taking the job, since she didn't say yes yet. But I can tell that she really wants the job. She seems to be waiting for an answer from me about what she should do. On the one hand, I don't want to tell her that she has to come, because I feel like that wouldn't be right. But on the other hand, I want her to be there. Would it be totally awful for me to tell her not to take the job just because she made a commitment to me first? I just don't know... if anyone wants to give their opinion on this it would really help me a lot.

Thank you to anyone who actually read all that. And sorry if some of it didn't make sense or something, I typed this out kind of quickly.

 

Ouch, tough choice.

I'll just throw in my few cents.

If you twist her wrist into going, she won't be there, even if she is. She has to want to come more than the job. Otherwise it will be awkward, especially if you just say "No way, you must come with me, you said you would."

Now there's nothing wrong with thinking those things, but saying them to the person can make you come across as a ******.

 

Thanks, Pika~

Yeah, I don't think I'd ever actually say that, I don't want to seem mean. It's hard to pretend like I'm totally fine with her choosing to take the job instead of going on the trip though... sigh, this is going to take some serious thought...

 

My unbiased opinion is gone.

 

This is a tough nut to crack.
I'd definitely have a longer talk with her about it. You still seem to be a bit in the dark as in how badly your friend wants what. Ask her how important this soccer camp is to her. Be honest and straightforward; tell her that her sudden cancellation puzzled you without sounding demanding.
Talk it over and come to an understanding; it may prevent either of you from feeling needlessly guilty.

 

I agree with you that it is a bit wrong for your friends to flake out on you, but sometimes things come up. Annie of course has the good reason of school, and even though it was a month, it's still a little short notice for Nia (although I do think she has the worst excuse out of the three). Michelle I can see you being upset about, but if this soccer camp is important to her, it sounds like a good opportunity for her to make some money, and it is a tad selfish to be upset that she won't come on the trip with you. But you should talk to her, like Styx said, and come to an understanding.

Do you have any other friends? Maybe if you didn't invite one of your very best friends and instead someone who you're not as close to, the trip could be a starting point for you to get as close to the not-so-close friend as you are to your best friends.

And even if you do go alone, you should give your sister's friends a chance, even if it doesn't seem like they're really into hanging out with you.

 

Well. Friends are friends no matter the circumstances, and they way you describe them it sounds as though they are that kind of friend; perhaps they can't come and it will be a bummer, but they are still your friends and many chances will come later. I do understand why you're a bit dissapointed,but as Misty said inviting another not-so-close friend might not be a bad way to getting to know them.

The main thing here is for you to feel alright. Not everytime we get to be with our friends, but as long as we actually are still friends it won't be as bad.

 

well, this is a tough situation. Maybe you and Michelle can meet up at a coffee shop or something and talk it through. If she doesn't go then the important thing to remember is not lash out on her. You could invite another friend or a relative or someone else. And plus, Annie might stay with you guys for a few days too :D

 

Wow, that's one hell of a predicament Fade.

Hey, come on now, that isn't you! Anyone with a problem needs help sometimes, and that's why we're here, so don't say that.

That two week job could be something that's really hard to come by. Something she wouldn't be able to do again for a long time. I don't know the detils, but that's my thought. Plus, You said you usually do this every year, right? She may have thought that while she couldn't go this year, she could try and make up for it next year. I'll repeat what Pika said. You can't force her into going, otherwise neither of you will enjoy it as much as if you both wanted to go.

It sounds cliched I know but, distance can change, but the memories stay the same. You are all still the same people that you were to each other before. Circumstance is a horrible thing Fade, but it's something you have to try and role with if it's out of your control.

Right, well here's my thoughts. Don't put any pressure on her either way. You tell her that if she really and truely wants the job, then go for it. If she wants to go with you, but feels the job is more important, ask about the job, and see if it's not something she can do at another time. Remind her she has made no commitment either way (as far as you know. This might change for the worse though if developments go badly) and is entirely her choice, but you still want her along. This is only what I'd do, but it might work. I'm sorry I can't really say more to help, but It's all I can say. I really hope it all works out well.

Hey, No problem. Sorry if this post is too uber long, but I just can't stand to see a friend miserable :D Besides, it's not like we're not used to giant walls of text eh? Keep well Fade!

 

Everyone needs help with life in someway or another, it's okay to ask :'D

~Well I'd fly to wherever it is you live and come with you to the lake :'D

You're in a tough situation here. Its sucks how all three of your friends bailed out the last minute, but life goes on. I wouldn't pressure Michelle into thinking that she has to come with you. EVen though she really hurt you by saying that she will come and then dropped out for a 2-week summer job. I would tell her she has hurt you, but whatever she does is entirely up to her, and if the job that was offered to her is more important than spending a week with her best friend then so be it. I'm sorry, but I guess you'll just have to accept that. As for your other two friends, I can understand why they can't come with you, but still I'd be pretty pissed aswell.

You've probably all changed after high school [in a good way i hope xD]. I'd be pissed aswell if my friends bailed out on me last minute. Good luck with everything, and I hope it turns out ok :'D