Since I obviously pull rhymes out of my ass on a daily basis. And to start it off, we have this Flames under the sea, cities in the sky Reality to me, beyond insolent lies One lies to himself to make his own world And suddenly real and fake start to swirl A girl? No, she was an alien queen Come to wage war now she's making me bleed Hate to be seen by reality's fiends They don't understand this boy full of dreams Joyful it seems, but it becomes hell She attacks me again with a black magic spell I'm losing my grip, it's making me slow I retreat, and deep into dreams I go She yelled and screamed, down on her knees Crying out to him, she just yelled please Drugs are what he used to exit this life Everyday after school to escape the strife She loved him so much, but he couldn't see He truly believed that this life he could leave His hallucinations took him to imagination Leaving behind his girl of infatuation But this time was different, he took to much He couldn't be saved by her loving touch _____________________________________ Wow...what a piece of crap. I need work.
I actually thought that was quite good...Alot of it is only half rhymes, don't get me wrong its still good but it only rhymes if read it in a certain way...But it does haven an effect.
I though it was good, but if this was a rap verse, there were a lot of good multi opportunities you missed.
Yeah, but I wanted it to feel more like a poem. I'm trying to get back into the swing of poetry because lately when I write a poem it sounds like a rap and I'm not really satisfied with it.
I was thinking rap then thought maybe not and just yeah...I would rep you on this poem but...It says I've given out too much rep in the last 24 hours
