Vermillion Sunset

Note- All chapters contain language. The English one to be specific. If you're going to go and use euphemisms then use them correctly. Strong language, foul language, inappropriate language, etcetera etcetera would all be acceptable but just language is not what you're going for. Keep in mind that you need to say everything exactly as you mean it not just well enough to be understood.

Critique- Finally got around to reading. Don't have much to say other than that you are making improvements. The last chapter and the overall story thus far has been vacillating from solid to shaky but you seem like your stabilizing things out a bit. Word choice is becoming more fluent, not perfect by a long shot but still serviceable. So you do need to improve your word use because it is slightly more than occasionally that I find myself thinking that you're using one or two words wrong but as I said you're improving so it's not a huge deal unless you stop doing so. Plot is moving along less predictably than it was at the beginning but that's neither good nor bad. I have to say your pacing is still slightly off and you might want to change your detail levels sometimes. It seems you're using too much detail at one part and too little at another.

Thoughts- Series should be Bianca centric now plz.

 

update

Chapter 9 is up! Be sure to read. I'm still taking my sweet time updating, but it's school that gains priority.

A/N: Guys, the first part of Vermillion is nearing it's end. I may just create a small profile for extras, and characters such as Maxwell and Amanda. They seemed to appear scarcely. A shame really; they have a backstory, just not very developed. I still have an unused idea to give them exposure, even if they are dead.

 

Will get to the second half later. I've been sorta neglecting to be as explicit about what I mean when I give advice so I marked it all out. Just give it a read through, it's not as bad as it may look.

 

Finally back from summer, and can update. I've updated with a slight intervention. Chapter 10 will be posted tomorrow. Wait for it, because right now there's only a few chapters left until the end of part I.

Update

As promised, here's chapter 10. It's a little longer than others, and I still had to divide it. Hopefully I'll get the next part done soon. If you have any critique, then I'm open to receive it.

Meh, nobody sees this, but whatever...I'll just continue on.

Update