I've been trying to decide whether or not to post this thread. My mouse has hovered over the 'submit' button for about 5 or so minutes now.. I know people have bigger problems, but this is really starting to affect my life and it's being going on for too long now.. over a year, in fact. A few people know that my cat, Nermal, went missing last year and never returned despite my attempts to find him. I littered my surrounding area with posters and searched for him every night for over a week; despite having college the next day, I would stay out until all hours of the morning calling out for him. I can't help but feel responsible for his disappearance, or at least that it could have been prevented. In the days before he went, he was supposed to be on medication, which I tried fruitlessly to make him take but he was a stubborn kitty, leading me to become quite frustrated with him at times. Also, one of my theories as to why he never came back is that we had recently moved to a new house. We waited about a week to let him out, to be sure he knew where to return to.. maybe we should have waited longer. I don't think he liked the new house or the new neighbourhood very much, in fact he seemed quite miserable. :c The reason why we had to move in the first place is because my Mam split up with her boyfriend, who we used to live with. Just before we moved, my Mam and her ex would argue constantly and it was a pretty terrible atmosphere. I'd usually just hide away somewhere, but Nermal would always be there to keep me company. He was the best cat ever. He was affectionate and soft and would sit with me while I was on my laptop and sleep in my arms often. At the same time, I'd feel safe when he stood over me as I lay in bed, as if he was making sure I was okay. I realise I'm starting to sound silly I still remember the day he went missing. The anxiety I felt when he hadn't been seen for 24 hours. We had a few people call us with information, but they all lead to dead ends. One lady was sure that she recognised him from our posters so we went to her house and she presented us with a cat that looked nothing like him. That was heartbreaking as I was sure it was going to be him this time, but my hopes were dashed. Not long after Nermal vanished, so did my Mam's cat, Toulouse, which has lead her to believe that someone has stolen both of them and that they are safe under someone else's care. I don't know if she just told herself that to make herself (and me) feel better, though. Over one year later and I still have dreams about him coming home, still think that he might be waiting by the door to come in one day. I still feel the same amount of grief as I did when I first realised he wasn't coming back any time soon. The worst part is that I have no idea what happened. Did he try to get back to our previous residence and got lost? Did he get into an accident? Was he catnapped? Or did someone hurt him intentionally? I wish I knew. At least then I could have some closure and be able to move on. Any advice would be appreciated. I was thinking about removing his photo as my display picture on msn recently, but couldn't bring myself to do so. I just miss him so much. Sorry for the wall of text. I don't think I'll ever make another Help with Life thread again. I hate opening up like this, but I just needed to get it out.
Oh Mish, that's so sad. I am deeply sorry, this is truly heartbreaking. I have no idea how I'd feel if that ever happened to me, but I hope my advice is still worth its two cents. I think you should remove a few things of his from sight, like a toy you have of his. I think these little bits remind you of him and hurt you even more. Now I'm not saying to trash everything and try to completely forget about him, no no, just that you need to ease your pain somehow and I think that way is by slowly removing parts of him from your life. The less you see things that remind you of him, the less you will think of him. And eventually, you may feel... at ease again, y'know? sorry my advice is so crappy. x:
Are you really close with your family? If so, then I suggest that you talk to them about it so you can feel better. If you don't feel like you can talk to your parents for whatever reasons, then I suggest a counselor or a good friend. Hope this helps.
It's not crappy! To be honest, all of his toys were donated to our current cats, who we got months after he vanished as it felt weird not having the pitter patter of kitties around the house. So I don't think that I associate the cat toys with Nermal anymore.. and it's kind of a non-issue anyway as I don't even live with my Mam anymore (though I visit her regularly). On the other hand, maybe I should change the msn picture. I also have an album of Nermal pictures on facebook that I browse.. probably more than I should if I ever want to let him go. I've never been very good at talking about emotional problems with my family.. it's just far too awkward. Same with my irl friends, sadly. I could talk to my boyfriend but I don't really want to weigh him down with this sort of thing, he's already very busy lately. This is why I turn to the internet, ahah.. I'd feel like I'd be wasting a counselor's time if I went there. and uh, don't those things cost money? Thank you for your help, though.
I think what you're really lacking is, as you said, closure. It's the same as (trying to relate it to something I've actually experienced), losing someone and not attending the funeral. Funerals are more for the family than the deceased; they allow you to grieve, accept it, and move on. Because you never got that closure, you're stuck in the grief phase. How to leave that stage is a bit beyond me. It's okay to still keep memorabilia of him around--he was special to you and you shouldn't forget him, but you need to accept that he's no longer in your life. I would recommend removing the MSN display pic, just because that's something you see on (likely) a daily basis, and I don't think it's great to have that looking at you everyday. Maybe when you've moved on a bit, but for now, yeah. May not be the best thing. Have you considered getting a new cat? There are downsides to it (e.g. you may start feeling that the new cat is not as special as Nermal, it will feel as though you're replacing him, etc.), but if you think you can handle that, you may want to give it a try. I am sorry to hear this though. :C Wish you the best.
Just as what Misty said, I think you should remove your MSN picture, simply because seeing Nermal on a daily basis (if you go on MSN everyday) can make it hard for you to move on and get the closure you need, as Misty said as well. And the album on Facebook? Maybe save the pictures to your computer then delete the album, therefore you don't feel the urge to look through the pictures when you're on Facebook, but still have them.
I've removed the picture. :c I felt sad, but I can't keep it there forever. Aha, my Mam and I got two cats several months after Nermal went missing. I love them, but nothing will ever replace Nermal. They still help fill the void that he left though.. or at least they would if I still lived with them, heh. I still visit them and my Mam regularly, like I said upthread though. Thank you for the help. That's a good idea. I'd never get rid of them completely and I'd still probably look at them occasionally, but yeah, I go on Facebook everyday so I'm more drawn to them that way.. Thanks a lot<3
