Ultimate Organization: Ruin and Creation

OOC: I have a question...Why is this one's rating lower than Chapter 1?

 

OOC: 5/10

BIC: Xane went on a U.P.A standard speed cruiser to find the rest of the U.O.

 

OOC: Because this one was a clear attempt to be detailed, but I really don't think detail is your outlet, and other then that attempt, nothing happened. It also felt insanely rushed, like you put this together in twenty minutes. And no body rated my story about the Virus...

 

OOC: 6/10 Yeah, I'm a pushover... T_T

BIC: "Why exactly are we here?" Vexneah asked, crossing her arms.

 

"Well... I dunno, to get you started in the new world I guess" Azull said...

 

OOC: Nulix's story: 5/10

BIC: Xane arrived to where the others were captured.

 

Azull looked at Xane "Um... sorry, but you cant come here, U.N.G. agents only" He said...

 

OOC: I haven't read your story yet.

So, you think I should put less detail in it and more plot. *sighs* I should post my chapter for the real book I'm writing and see what you guys think.

My chapters are usually around 10 pages long, and they start out with detail and end with plot. So the next two parts of Chapter 2 will have more plot than detail. I just didn't want to write the whole thing at once. And it was rushed because I'm supposed to be doing other things at the moment.

 

OOC: I dunno If I should even bother trying to rescue you guys yet. I have Youth Group in 30 minutes. D:

 

"I'm a U.P.A official. I'm here to check on your progress." Xane said flashing a badge a putting it away rapidly.

 

"Oh, right. The supplies..." Vexneah muttered.

"XANE?! So that badge was yours!"

 

"Woow, I smell a family affair" Azull said, taking a step back.

 

Sam,walked to vexneah "whats happening i doozed off"Sam asked.

Moki got up and nodded.

 

OOC: *sigh* Might as well start.

BIC: Xegreny scanned the skies. About 30 miles away was a Gummi ship in the process of landing, and even farther was a UPA base. Xegreny smirked and started running to the Gummi ship's landing site.

 

"A family affair? I was a spy sent to spy on this..Ultimate Organization." Xane said.

 

Xegreny hid in the shadows as the Gummi ship landed. Right as the cockpit opened he lept and knocked out the pilot. Pushing his unconcious body out of the way he got into the small fighter and took off for the UPA base.

 

"See,I told you so"Sam yelled"

Moki sighed "Well no fun"She yelled.

 

Tyre picked up the small picture.

"Xardius....where are you?"

The picture portrayed two men, one obviously Xardius, the other a tan man with dark hair and eyes, with the look of a veteran warrior in them. Both were smirking extravagantly.

"Rune...who are you really? Mysteries are piling on mysteries...I wish Xardius were here to help me out. I have to know..."

Tyre walked out of the room without a second glance, picking up a folder stuffed full of papers as he walked out.

 

Xegreny's ship came near the UPA base. He tried to get the doors to open but they wouldnt. So he just blew them up and flew inside. Landing his ship he opened the hatch, "Time for a fight," he muttered grimly to himself.

 

Venture saw Orions ship land in......