To the citizens of the USA....

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair MP, for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.

The House of Representatives and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.

You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

Look up "interspersed."

There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).

You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.

While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.

British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness. Popular British films such as the Italian Job and the Wicker Man should never be remade.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football." There are other types of football such as Rugby, Aussie Rules & Gaelic football. However proper football - which will no longer be known as soccer, is the best known, most loved and most popular. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.

Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).

We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2008.

You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of North America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. The 4th of July is no longer a public holiday. The 2nd of November will be a new national holiday, but only in Britain. It will be called "Indecisive Day."

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.

Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

1. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is lager . From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From the 10th of November the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until the 1st of April) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon -- get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.

 

WHAT ? No way , ain't happening.;)

 

Okay




,

 

don't worry americans you will get used to the proper english and you will also find out that we are doing this for your own good

 

Freedom I say !! Freedom !!

 

I fixed your sentence.
Yeah.... proper English alright .

 

If this is true, it'd be friggn' awesome.

But I love my french fries and potato chips. v.v

 

Sorry but...

Haha Owned. XD

 

Hey Craig, never knew you were a /b/tard.

btw, Cin (if you read this), America sucks. *runs*

 

Who the on earth is Jerry Springer ?

 

Some dude with a stupid talk show.

 

I don't like talk shows. Whats up with this rebellion ? I am full Japanese you know that , and I live in the USA , that is just a insult.

 

Europeans are overwhelmingly convinced that human activity is contributing to global warming, and a majority would be prepared to accept restrictions on their lifestyle to combat it, according to a poll for the Financial Times.

Research carried out this month by Harris Interactive in Germany, France, the UK, Italy and Spain found that 86 per cent of people believed humans were contributing to climate change, and 45 per cent thought it would be a threat to them and their families within their lifetimes.

More than two-thirds – 68 per cent – said they would either strongly or somewhat support restrictions on their behaviour and purchases in order to reduce the threat.

Climate change has been rising up the political agenda in Europe. The recent British government report by Sir Nicholas Stern, former chief economist of the World Bank, argued that the economic costs of global warming could be far greater than the costs of acting to limit it.

The poll also found Europeans were more willing to accept curbs on their lifestyles in principle than to endorse specific additional burdens.

Less than half – 43 per cent – either strongly or somewhat supported a charge on airline passengers to pay for environmental damage, while 36 per cent opposed it, either strongly or somewhat. Support was weakest in Italy and Spain, possibly because of fears about the effect on their tourist industries.

Only a minority were prepared to make significant financial sacrifices to eliminate the threat of global warming. A quarter said they would pay one week’s wages or more – roughly the 2 per cent of national income figure that Sir Nicholas Stern suggested rich countries might need to pay – but a third said they would not pay anything at all.

However, concerns about climate change and energy security have not translated into majority support for investment in new nuclear power stations.

Only 12 per cent of Europeans polled were strongly in favour of investment in new nuclear capacity, while a further 18 per cent were somewhat in favour – a total of 30 per cent. Almost as many – 29 per cent – strongly opposed new nuclear construction, with a further 17 per cent somewhat opposed.

There is also a remarkably deep gender divide, with a balance of men in favour of new nuclear building in France, Italy and the UK, but a majority of women opposed everywhere except the UK, where there is a large number neither for nor against.

Public opinion need not stand in the way of nuclear development. France is pressing ahead with a new reactor, which will go into construction next year, even though the poll shows just 29 per cent of the population supports it. But in Spain and Germany, where some in the industry hope government policy can be turned away from its official anti-nuclear stance, the high level of public opposition will provide a significant obstacle to a U-turn: 53 per cent of Germans and 62 per cent of Spaniards are against new nuclear building.

The answer, Europeans think, is renewables: 85 per cent believe their governments should spend more on renewable energy, while only a handful believe they should spend less. In France and Spain, more than 90 per cent backed more investment in renewables. The potential problem is the cost of that renewable energy.

Ahead of a summit of the leaders of the European Union and Russia at the end of this week, the poll also found widespread mistrust of Russia as an energy supplier. Only 21 per cent of Europeans believed Russia would be a reliable source of oil and gas in the future, while 35 thought it would not be.

Owned.

 

I am full Japanese . Owned.

 

Why do I get the feeling of tension in this thread. >_>

And yes global warming is caused by what humans have done to the planet, so therefore it's caused by human activity.

 

hey, no one gives a crap.....we rule

 

*Starts swearing in Japanese. * Sumimasen ?

 

If I recall correctly, isn't it America that doesn't give a crap about global warming and such?

Urusai baka. (m i doin it rite?)

 

Yeah, most of us don't give a crap. D:

I, for one, do not take kindly to being killed from the effect of stupid people.

 

HELLO !! I live there !!! ACTULLY !! It's our stupid President who don't care about anything , everyone hates him . I hope he gets assinated or something like that.
Stupid President Bush !!!!!!1

Yeah you are doing it right , Disgaeamad .:)