I was bored one day and was supposed to be working on my math homework so....I wrote a poem :D Yeah it's okay I geuss....I never really write poems so yeah cnc is nice. ~ Slowly I start to fade I cannot take this pain nothing left to hold me high as I slowly start to die ~ searching around at my death searching for only your breath to bring me back to life from my lack of sight ~ The light just seems too bright even with all my might my right to live starts to fade away
That was quite impressive for someone who doesn't write much Poetry, There's just a couple of things I have to say as Advice. 1. Try to keep more consistency in your rhyme patten. It helps keep the poem flow more, and you'll be surprised at the difference it makes. 2. Now for grammar and spelling.... - I assume by Lack of site, you mean lack of sight. - In line 11, to should be canged to too. ...and that's about it. You should definately write more poetry, This poem was good and I honestly see some potential for some amazing works of writing in you. Keep up the good work.
I'm going to agree with Kiburedo on the spelling, but not on her first point. I kind of like it when writers step away from the beaten path and create poems that still work. All though i'll admit some poems should show some pattern, i'm talking more structural decisions. Anyway, my other comment would be to possibly capitalize your sentences and maybe use some punctuation. Awesome piece.
It was good for the first try but you should work on your spelling otherwise half the time people won't know what you mean
