Three angels

This is one of my best ideas i've come up with. It's an orignal story, so bear with me a little. I'll try to put up 1 chapter a week.

Chapter 1:Beginnings​

With any good story, you start at the beginning. When humans are born, they are assigned a guardian angel. The hero of this story, Mike White; was assigned three.

The reason why he was assigned three was for extra protection. He will have medical issues for the rest of his life. With these kinds of humans, there is another extra. The human has the ability to see them at the age of sixteen.

Mike's alarm clock went off at 6:35A.M. He quickly got up and got dressed. When he exited his room, three girls desended.

"After sixteen years, he can see us!", said one of the girls.

"Be quiet.", said another one of them. "He can hear us too. He might think we're robbers and scare him off.

"Sorry.", the first girl said.

Mike gulped down his breakfast. He saw a note left by his mom. It read:

Got called in early
Will take you to DMV after school
Love mom
P.S. Happy 16th birthday!!​

He was getting ready to leave until he remembered his backpack. The girls saw the door open slowly. He now has the power to see them.

Chapter 2: Greetings​

The door opened slowly, and Mike was surprised to see the three girls, beautiful i might add, on his bed. The blonde one had blue eyes, red shirt, jean pants, and the shortest of the group. The red-head wore a white shirt, and blue skirt. She was the tallest of the group. The black haired girl wore a black shirt, and also wore jeans.

"W-Who are you?", Mike asked.

"We're your guardian angels!", The blonde one said. Mike looked confused at the girls. The red-haired one nodded at him. "I'm Clare, she's Toka, and she's Kuri!". She first pointed to the red head, and then the black haired one.

"Angels?", Mike said. Kuri then looked at the clock. It read 7:56 A.M.

"Your gonna be late.", Kuri said. "Don't worry, we'll explain on the way."

Mike grabbed his big blue jacket. The hood would cover his face and mouth, so he could talk to them softly. The last thing he needed was people staring at him. He was a short brown haired kid. He wasn't athletic, and got picked on by bullies.

"How long have you been with me?", he first asked.

"Since day one buddy.", Clare said.

"Excuse her.", Toka said while covering her mouth. Clare was trying to fight her way out. "She's always jumpy. You'll get use to it."

"Next question.", Mike started. "Why do you guys decided to show yourselves now?"

"It's kinda a rule. When it's your sixteenth birthday, you have the power to see us three.", Kuri said. She was always the smart one of the group. "You should feel lucky. You're one of the few humans that can actually see angels."

"What exactly is a gardian angel's job?", Mike asked.

"To do what we can do to not let you die before your expected death.", Kuri said. "Some angels do screw up and don't look. That human most likely gets shot." Mike looked up at her worried.

"But i promise that it won't happen to you.", Clare suddenly said to calm him.

"We're here!", Toka said.

He walked into the building, and lowered his hood. While un-zipping, he wasn't looking and accidentally bumped into Sam Jarson. Sam Jarson was the star varsity quarterback, and Mike is his #1 target. Mike paniced a little.

"Sorry.", Mike said.

"For hitting me?" Sam said in his deep voice. "Don't you have any manners?"

"Just leave me alone.", Mike said. He tried to walk off, but there was a circle of people around him.

"I can't let this happen.", Clare said. She flew down the halway.

"Where's she going?", Kuri asked Toka. Toka just shook her head.

The mob grew bigger. There was no teacher in sight. The were having an early meeting. Sam was getting ready to hit him.

"Hey!", Yelled a voice. Mike felt like he knew the voice. It was Clare. The thing was, she looked human; and everyone could see her. She wore her same clothes, but she was taller. "Yoo-hoo! Mike!"

"Clare?", Mike said confused. She grabbed onto his arm. "They can see you now?", he whispered.

"Yes, i'll explain later.", she whispered into his ear. She then lifted the volume of her voice. "Don't think i forgot about your birthday." She pulled him by his arm. Sam let out a little laugh.

"I don't know what's sadder.", he said. "That a girl like that's with him, or him being whipped by a girl like that."

Clare tugged him all the way into the halway. "Okay, explain.", Mike told her.

"Guys, a girl from the mob is comming.", Kuri said. Mike didn't know what to do. Clare then came up with an idea.

"Forgive me.", Clare told him. She shoved him onto the wall, and he couldn't move. She then gave him a kiss. The other girl saw them, but walked out in disgust.

"All clear.", Kuri told them. Clare then got off of him. Seconds later, she changed back into her angel form. She giggled a little, but Mike stood there confused.

Chapter 3: Spells​

Mike was staring confused at the girls. He was just kissed by one, and she is just giggling.

"Allow me to explain." Kuri started. "We are allowed to transform into human, but it's limited to once per day."

"And your a nice guy!" Clare interupted. "I've seen those jerks treat you awful everyday since middle school. I guessed if they saw you with a beautiful looking girl, they'd leave you alone for awhile."

"And the kiss?" Mike said.

"That was something for me." Clare said.

"Clare is a gentle angel." Said Toka. "She is very energetic, but she wants to see you happy. That's all she ever wanted for for you. All she could ever talk about was your smile." It was quiet for a while.

"Thank you, Clare." Mike finally said. "I'm glad you wish for my happiness. I'm really glad that you want to help me." She let out a little smile.

"So we can continue with our plan then?" She asked.

"It's okay with me." Mike said. He went through the rest of the morining not talking to anyone. He sometimes kept to himself, which made the illusion of him having a girlfriend a lot less beleivable. Logically, how could a short neardy boy have a girlfriend that was far more than beautiful?

During lunch, him and his friend, Jason; were playing chess. Jason was slightly taller, and wore glasses. They met when Mike's mom moved to the city back in middle school.

"Who was that girl?" Jason asked.

"What girl?" Mike asked. He didn't want to talk about Clare at the moment. He didn't come up with anything to talk about to people. "Check."

"That girl that kissed you." Jason said. "Everyone was talking about it. Who is she man?"

"Her name is Clare." Mike started. Something finally came up in his head. "My mom set me up on a blind date the other day. She goes to a different school. Checkmate."

"Man, you always win." Jason complained.

"He who attacks first wins" Mike said. The school bell finally rang. "Got to go, i don't want to be late again."

The afternoon wasn't as quiet as the morning. Him and Clare spead like wild fire around the school. When school ended, he waited after school for his mom by the curve. He put his hood back on so he could talk.

"If your so queit, why do you want a licence?" Toka asked.

"To help mom." Mike said. "She works so hard, I could help out by getting groceries and stuff."

"How sweet." Clare said. "Here she comes."

He entered the car normally. The test went by faster than expected. He got a score of 83%, a "B-". He drove home so his mom could rest for a minute. He stopped at a drive-thru and got some burgers.

He went straight to his room when they got home. He watched his favorite t.v. show, Scrubs;like he always does. The girls sat on his bed, with Clare close to him.

CHAPTER 4: Discussion​

It’s been a month since we first introduced Clare, Toka, and Kuri. Clare enjoyed turning Mike’s girlfriend. She usually changed into her human form in the afternoon so she could “get a ride home.” All her home was an apartment building Mike found one day driving home. She’d walk in, change into her real form, and fly out. They needed to keep this illusion up for the masses to believe.

One night, Mike’s mom called him into the kitchen. She was making burritos for their dinner that night. The beans were still boiling and she was taking a swig of her soda.

“Mike” she started, “How do you feel about me seeing someone?”

“I think it’s a great idea mom” he told her.

“Good, because I’m going out with this guy at work.” She told him after draining the beans. She got out the masher and started mashing the beans, while Mike started cooking the tortillas. They did this every time they had burritos. “Just don’t bring over your girlfriend.”

Damn

Mike then turned his head to his mom. “What?” Mike asked her. “Jason told you huh?” He figured it’d get to her sooner or later. “Jason set me up on this blind date.” He could easily like to his mom.

“Okay.” She told him. “Just don’t go too fast.” She warned him.

While the two humans were eating; in Mike’s bedroom, Clare and Kuri were chatting. Toka was taking a nap on Mike’s bed. Clare and Kuri were floating above his floor. The light was left on accidentally by Mike.

“What do you mean you like him?!?” Kuri yelled.

“It sounds odd I know… but I do.” Clare admitted to her.

“So that kiss a month ago really did have some meaning?” Kuri pointed out.

“Yeah, so what am I going to do?” Clare asked.

“Tell him I guess.”

“Sure! Just go up to him and say ‘Hey Mike! I really really love you!’” Clare sat on Mike’s bed, crying. “There’s got to be a way we can be together.”

“We’ll,” Kuri started, “There’s always the spell of L.O.D.” Clare then lifted her head.

“I’ve already thought of that.” Clare said. “But I need his permission. Even if Mike says yes, I can be killed.”

The spell of L.O.D. could only be done on New Years Eve. L.O.D. stands for “Life or Death.” This spell gives an angel the choice to be immortal or become human. That means that they can be seen, and even murdered. It’s a simple spell, but only one angel has ever fully done the ritual.

“Well, how much do you love him?” Kuri asked.

“I’d die for him.” Clare said.

Chapter 5: THe Truth​

Mike went to a high school that had 4 classes one day, and 4 different classes the next day. He did do some summer school during his summer vacation, so he could ge a free period. He was able to get two, so he did it during his third period on both days. He usually did his homework in the library during that time. He kept a sheet of paper out so he could write to the girls.

Where did clare and Toka go? He wrote to Kuri.

"They're doing a monthly analysis report." She told him. She started to feel guilty over the information that she knew. "You know, Clare loves you." She blabed.

Yeah, so do you and Toka. Kuri kicked his head, and his face slammed the desk.

"Are all human males as thick headed as you?" She yelled at him.

"What the hell was that for?" He yelled back. The librarian told him to quit making an "imgainary" scene. He turned back to the desk and started writing again.

Why did you kick me?

"Clare LOVES you Mike!" Kuri yelled at him.

How do you know? He asked her.

"She told me a while ago." she admited. "She won't tell you how shee feels because she thinks you might not feel the same way." She whipped a tear from her eye. "So, how do you feel about her?"

He sat in silence for a while. He was thinking on if they could be in a relationship. It did seem odd that an angel does love a human.

I guess I do like her. He wrote down.

"But like a girlfriend!" She told him. He then underlined his last statement three times to add emphisis. "Then you can change her into a human being like yourself. She told me all she wants is to be with you, and only you."

She would rather be a human than be imortal?

"Yes, but it must be done on a certain day." she explained. "That day is known to your people as New Years Eve." He then gave her a slight nod. After an hour of sitting in the library, the two other angels returned. He noticed on how Clare was looking at him for the first time ever.

They went on their regular daily schedule. He also noticed on how much she enjoyed being his girlfriend. When they got home, he went straight to his room, not even a "hello" to his mom. He turned on the television and nodded at Kuri. She had to drag Toka out of the room.

"Sit down Clare." He told her. She sat, looking confused towards the man that she loves. He held her face and pressed his lips onto hers. All this time Clare was the one to kiss him, but this is the first time that it was his willing. "I give you permission to perform the L.O.D. ceremony."

"What?!?" Clare yelled. Tears slowly started running down both of thier faces. Toka and Kuri were being nosy and watched from the outside window.

"Kuri told me and I love you too." he told her. He gave her another kiss on the lips. "The risk you are willing to take, just to be with me. I will forever be in your debt."

"No you won't." she said. "It will be paid in full with our love for eachother." She was balling wildy in his arms. He held her like any good gentleman would. "Thank you for letting me do this!" She kissed his wet cheek.

Clare, an angel; beautiful and perfect in everyway. Mike, a nerd who had no social life. This one young man carries the ability to grant this girls only wish; life, and him.

Chapter 6: Christmas​

All of his finals for school was finished, and he did well i might add; and it was finally Christmas break. He spent it the normal way he always did, sitting in front of the television. During the day, his mom would got to work, and at night she'd go in dates.

He would drive to the mall and have Clare in her human form. They needed to buy her some clothes so she could have something to wear when she finally becomes human in afew days. Kuri and Toka also became human so they can also have some fun. Clare would ask Mike to judge what she would pick out.

While walking down, Clare saw a window that had a lime-green sweater. She imagined on how it would look on her body; she might be an angel, but she is still a girl. She saw the price tag and saw it was $299.99. She lowered her head and started walking away from the sweater.

While walking, Mike ran into his mother. He knew she'd finally want to meet the
girl known as Clare. There was no way to avoid this confrontation.

"Hey Mike." His mother said. "I"m doing some last week shopping."

"Me too mom.' He said. Clare was at his side, holding his hand. "Oh- This is my girlfriend Clare." She blushed alittle. "I'll go get us some drinks." He ran in the other direction. She knew who she was for sixteen years, but she never actually got to talk to her.

"Clare right?" His mom started. Clare nodded at her. "Look, if this is some kind of a joke, break it off. His father left us when he was three years-old. I just don't want to see him hurt."

"No-no. This isn't a joke. It's the real deal, i swear." Clare said. "I care about MIke a lot, and he's told me about his dad. He thinks i'm some kind of angel."

"Okay." The mother spoke. "It was nice talking to you." His mom walked away with a man, possibley her boyfriend she mentioned before. When Mike finally got back with the bags, they continued looking for gifts.

On Christmas day, he got $300; all from different relatives. He also got a new game system, and a new jacket to where. He kept thinking on how the L.O.D. ceremony was only 6 days away.

He went into his room and saw the girls. "Ready for the big day?" He asked Clare. She nodded at the boy. "I think you'll look nice in this." He pulled a lime-green sweater from under his bed. The girl was in shock.

"How did you-"

"You might be an angel, but you don't see everything." He started explaining. "I saw you looking at it. I wanted to buy myself a new laptop, but I just felt i should get this instead. I saw you eyeing it at the mall that day." The rus to get some drinks finally made perfect sence.

"Is this-" She started; "Is this really mine?" She asked him. The sweater looked exactly like it did in the window that day.

"Here come the water works" Toka said. Kuri decided to slap her on the head..

"Shut up!" Kuri yelled at her. "I think it's very romantic." Clare gave Mike a kiss.

"Merry Christmas." he said to her.

CHAPTER 7: Judgement day​

The six day gap between December 25th and December 31 seemed like forever in Clare's eyes. Between the time, they would just sit in his room and talk; what would they do first, what she enjoyed, ect. They were able to create a fantastic story on why she has to live in the guest room: Her apartment building burnt down, her parents died in it, and she has no other family. The tears from Clares eye's were convincing enough for his mother.

The day she dreamed of for weeks had finally arrived. They decided to do the ceremony early in the morning. The sun had just gone over the horizon, so they could start at anytime. Clare seemed nervious, she recited the spell in her head many times before.

"This is goodbye Clare." Toka said.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"It's true." Kuri spoke. "If you do the ceremony, you won't be able to hear or see us. It's like we don't exsist in your world."

Clare gave a sad look; leaving behind her dearest friends just for a boy. Sure, when they turn human for a short portion she can see them, but not at all times? She gave them both one last hug, and nodded to Mike.

"I Clare, give up my immortal living to be a human, live the humans. I now know the risks and reasons of this decission, now change me. Change me into a being of sin." A giant wind impailed her.

"Clare!" Mike yelled. He ran to hold her. She was still transforming in the boys arms, having him in the force. She could lift her arms to just hold his body. He squeezed onto her for dear life, never letting go of her. This one true moment was the final piece that gave him the ability to love her as much as she loved him.

The gust faded, and they standing on his bed, holding eachother. She slowly opened her humnan eyes, only seeing him. She gave a small smile at him, and he smiled back. She kissed him, and he returned with the same passion. This is what they believed what true love is, like those in fairy tales or in the movies.

"What's this wierd pain in my stomache?" Clare asked.

"I guess your hungry." Mike ran out to the fridge. He got a loaf of raisian bread, an apple, and a handful of grapes. His mom just got out of bed, sipping her coffee. She looked at Mike's eyes, noticing that he was crying.

"Are you okay Mike?" She asked him cautiosly.

"Never better Ma." He replied to her. He ran back into his small room and handed her the apple. She took a small bit out of the orb.

"This is delisious." She told him. She also ripped off a piece of the raisan bread and put it in her mouth. "So is this. Try it!" She ripped off another piece and shoved it in his mouth. There was a knock at the door.

"Oh Clare." His mom said. "I was just checking in. You guys want some juice?"

"Yes please!" Clare replied. She finished off the bread and continued with the apple. Mike then slowly feed her grapes slowly, one by one; like when a man would feed his goddess in anciant times. After the meal, they walked down to the park to sit under the shady tree.

Chapter 8: New Life​

Clare got use to her new life as a human. From the outside, she was like any other normal teeage girl. They transfered her into his school, and showed her what it's like to be a true human. One day, the two lovers ran into Sam.

"Your still with this clown?" He asked.

"Shut the hell up!" She yelled. She let out a kick into his groin. He fell to the ground in pain. She felt a sence of pride, while Mike was in shock. He pulled her into the hallway.

"You can't just kick people, even if they deserve it." He explained. She gave him "the sympathy look." It seemed to be her only defence against his anger. He kissed her on the cheek. "Just be more careful."

At lunch, she met up with Jason. She felt like hugging him for all the help he gave to Mike, but she held back. Instead, she treated the both of them to lunch. Toka and Kuri looked at it as if they were watching a sit-com.

"This gets so annoying." Clare complained when she was doing homework.

"Just relax." He told her. He was writting in a book.

"I can't. This is too stressful. It's so hard to understand."

"How about now." He gave her a kiss. "Clare, wi-"

"Guys! Dinner!" His mom called.

She had a strange eating habbit. She would eating signicantly more food than he would. I guess not eating for a long time did have an affect on her.

After school, Clare was walking by herself. Mke had to take a chemestry test, and he was the only one with a license. Kuri was walking with her, just for protection. Mike was walking around talking with Toka, relaxed. They saw Kuri flying there way.

"Mike, he's got her!" She cried.

"What?" He asked. He recieved a text message from Clare's fone.

I have her, you want her. Meet me in the gym. You better hurry. Sam.

"B*sterd." He said. "I have to go."

"Mike, he has a knife. I have an idea." Kuri said.

Chapter 9: Love and war​

He slowly walked into the gym, it was decorated for the dance the next day. He saw Clare tied up and blindfolded. Her cloths were cut, as was her limbs. He ran to take off the blindfold.

"Mike, no." She said. "Get out of here. Foget about me, i'm nothing."

"You should listen to her." Sam said. Mike pulled out his phone. "Calling the cops?" He cut Mike's hand, making him drop it. "Let's not ruin this moment. Let me explain this slowly. You die, then your girlfriend dies."

He punched Mike in the stomache, letting him fall to the ground. His breath smelt of alchol. Clare was crying in the corner, and Mike was bleeding. Sam cut his leg, and started laughing.

"You die here." He said. He raised his hand, then a bang. A bullet hit him in his hand, releasing the knife. His hand was bleeding, while another bullet got him in the leg.

"Officer White, requesting paramedics." His mother said. "Thanks for the tip, Toka."

"I heard a noise, and acted on instinct." She said in a convincing voice.

"Ch-ch-ch..." Mike stuttered. "Pawn takes king. Checkmate." Mike crawled with Sams knife to cut down Clare. She was in terrible pain, crying. She finally fell to the floor.

"Mike?" She said. "We won?"

"Yes. The reason i stayed was becasue of this." He pulled out a scarlet red box. He opened it to find a ring. "Clare, will you-"

"Yes." She said. "Yes, yes yes." She slowly kissed him. Mike started to fall. He went into unconsiouness when the paramedics arrived.

Chapter 10: Final Chapter​

It has now been two weeks since the tragic end to the day. It was late at night, and Mike was in the PICU (Pediatric Intensive Care Unit). A nurse on duty was watching him for a moment, when his eye lids started to move. In a matter of seconds, his eyes fully opened to the dark world. The clock read 2:30 AM, the nurse ran out of the room. He looked to his side, and saw Clare sleeping by his side, a Rosery in her hand. The same nurse from before came back again with a cup of apple juice.

"Drink it." The woman told him. "You should feel lucky. That girl has never left your side, even missing school."

He slowly stroked the sleeping girls hair, calming her in her sleep. The days events were slowly returning to his head.

"Nurse, how long have i been asleep?" He asked her.

"I think you've been here for the past two weeks." The nurse commented. "You must be starving from your nap. I'll go get you your breakfast."

Mike then slowly reached for Clares hand. He moved the beeded string from her hand and held onto it. He felt a small rock on her ring finger. He let out a small smile. He tried to move his neck over to kiss her, but he was too weak. He was falling asleep again, but Clare finally awoke.

"Mike!" Clare said in excitment. "Don't fall asleep again! Don't leave me!"

"It's okay Clare." He reasured her. He kept holding onto her hand. "I'm okay now. I just want to rest a little more, i'll be back tomorrow, before midnight."

"Promise?" She asked him.

"Will the sun today?" He asked her. He then fell asleep again, and Clare wept at his side. He needed just a litte rest, to exausted to do anything really. He was too tired to even kiss her.

During that day, he drempt, of him and her. It was a sunny summer day and the two were at the park. They were having a small picnic, and no one else was there. Not a small child going down a slide, or even a dog chasing a ball around. The two of them were the only two beings at this place. As he promised the girl, he awoke before his 12 AM deadline, but it was late.

"Told you." He said. He let out a small laugh. He was able to pick himself up and sit. He slowly moved over to let the girl sit next to him. She held him in her arms, her tears falling onto his body.

"Don't ever leave me again." The girl said. He slowly grabbed her hand.

"See this ring," He started to tell her. "This is a promise of that. That for the rest of our lives, no matter what; we will always be together. Even if we are miles apart, nothing will ever break us apart."

He wrapped his arm around her, and she leaned onto his side. He looked at her arm, and saw a scar. There was no blood around it, but it was to large to not notice.

"Clare, your arm!" He pointed out. "How bad are you, are YOU okay?"

"Yes, he didn't get me as bad as he did you." She told him.

"Thank god." He said. She stared leaning on his sholder again, relaxing.

"I'm perfectly fine." She told him. "And so is the baby."

THE END!​

 

That's not a chapter, it's a blurb. Barely even a paragraph if you ask me. Also, word to the wise, Miko is an incredibly girly name the -ko ending is usually for girls in Japanese(which is where I assume you got the name) as far as I've heard.

 

Introductions should actually have exposition. You could and should have done a load of exposition in the little bit of story you covered just to give people a little context so they understand where the story is coming from, what the tone is, and maybe a little of the message you may or may not be trying to convey, but you went and made everything incredibly vague and omitted meaningful description at every possible turn.

 

Interesting, but it's pretty short. Maybe elaborate a little more? Like describe Mike's appearance and go into more depth with his thoughts and such. *shrug* just a suggestion.

Still though, it's a really cool story idea. I can't wait to read more.

 

Hmm, very interesting story. I noticed a few spelling errors, though and one punctuation error.

Beginning is spelled wrong. You missed one 'n'.

You wouldn't use a semicolon in this sentence, just another comma. A semicolon starts a new idea; it's like a new sentence, but it's added to another one.

It's spelled descended. You only missed the 's'; no biggie.

You missed an 'm'. Remembered.


Also, it's pretty short for a chapter; it's more like a prelude.
Another thing; details are your friends. It would be nice to know more about Mike, like his appearance, a little bit of his personality, etc.

Sorry if this seems a bit rude or harsh, but my best friend's mom has made me obsessed over grammar and I nitpick at it a lot.

 

thanks.

fix'd them. it was more like a prelude really, and my other chapters do go into detail.

thanks.

chapter 2 is up. I made it longer than what i originally wrote it, so please be happy.

Chapter 2: Greetings​

The door opened slowly, and Mike was surprised to see the three girls, beautiful i might add, on his bed. The blonde one had blue eyes, red shirt, jean pants, and the shortest of the group. The red-head wore a white shirt, and blue skirt. She was the tallest of the group. The black haired girl wore a black shirt, and also wore jeans.

"W-Who are you?", Mike asked.

"We're your guardian angels!", The blonde one said. Mike looked confused at the girls. The red-haired one nodded at him. "I'm Clare, she's Toka, and she's Kuri!". She first pointed to the red head, and then the black haired one.

"Angels?", Mike said. Kuri then looked at the clock. It read 7:56 A.M.

"Your gonna be late.", Kuri said. "Don't worry, we'll explain on the way."

Mike grabbed his big blue jacket. The hood would cover his face and mouth, so he could talk to them softly. The last thing he needed was people staring at him. He was a short brown haired kid. He wasn't athletic, and got picked on by bullies.

"How long have you been with me?", he first asked.

"Since day one buddy.", Clare said.

"Excuse her.", Toka said while covering her mouth. Clare was trying to fight her way out. "She's always jumpy. You'll get use to it."

"Next question.", Mike started. "Why do you guys decided to show yourselves now?"

"It's kinda a rule. When it's your sixteenth birthday, you have the power to see us three.", Kuri said. She was always the smart one of the group. "You should feel lucky. You're one of the few humans that can actually see angels."

"What exactly is a gardian angel's job?", Mike asked.

"To do what we can do to not let you die before your expected death.", Kuri said. "Some angels do screw up and don't look. That human most likely gets shot." Mike looked up at her worried.

"But i promise that it won't happen to you.", Clare suddenly said to calm him.

"We're here!", Toka said.

He walked into the building, and lowered his hood. While un-zipping, he wasn't looking and accidentally bumped into Sam Jarson. Sam Jarson was the star varsity quarterback, and Mike is his #1 target. Mike paniced a little.

"Sorry.", Mike said.

"For hitting me?" Sam said in his deep voice. "Don't you have any manners?"

"Just leave me alone.", Mike said. He tried to walk off, but there was a circle of people around him.

"I can't let this happen.", Clare said. She flew down the halway.

"Where's she going?", Kuri asked Toka. Toka just shook her head.

The mob grew bigger. There was no teacher in sight. The were having an early meeting. Sam was getting ready to hit him.

"Hey!", Yelled a voice. Mike felt like he knew the voice. It was Clare. The thing was, she looked human; and everyone could see her. She wore her same clothes, but she was taller. "Yoo-hoo! Mike!"

"Clare?", Mike said confused. She grabbed onto his arm. "They can see you now?", he whispered.

"Yes, i'll explain later.", she whispered into his ear. She then lifted the volume of her voice. "Don't think i forgot about your birthday." She pulled him by his arm. Sam let out a little laugh.

"I don't know what's sadder.", he said. "That a girl like that's with him, or him being whipped by a girl like that."

Clare tugged him all the way into the halway. "Okay, explain.", Mike told her.

"Guys, a girl from the mob is comming.", Kuri said. Mike didn't know what to do. Clare then came up with an idea.

"Forgive me.", Clare told him. She shoved him onto the wall, and he couldn't move. She then gave him a kiss. The other girl saw them, but walked out in disgust.

"All clear.", Kuri told them. Clare then got off of him. Seconds later, she changed back into her angel form. She giggled a little, but Mike stood there confused.

 

*clapclap* much better! I did notice some typing errors though, maybe go back and check on those. Good job with the descriptions; I see that you took my advice to heart. Keep going with elaberating, you should feel like you are over emphasizing things; then it'll most likely be just right xD.

So, good job =)

 

i feel that 3 girls are a lot to leave with such short descriptions.

i think that you need to integrate the girls personality a bit better, because by hearing a name, the character needs to be remarkable enough for once a person reads the character's name....they can imagine them.

 

okay, chapter 3 is finally up! Sorry for the long wait.

Chapter 3:Spells​

Mike was staring confused at the girls. He was just kissed by one, and she is just giggling.

"Allow me to explain." Kuri started. "We are allowed to transform into human, but it's limited to once per day."

"And your a nice guy!" Clare interupted. "I've seen those jerks treat you awful everyday since middle school. I guessed if they saw you with a beautiful looking girl, they'd leave you alone for awhile."

"And the kiss?" Mike said.

"That was something for me." Clare said.

"Clare is a gentle angel." Said Toka. "She is very energetic, but she wants to see you happy. That's all she ever wanted for for you. All she could ever talk about was your smile." It was quiet for a while.

"Thank you, Clare." Mike finally said. "I'm glad you wish for my happiness. I'm really glad that you want to help me." She let out a little smile.

"So we can continue with our plan then?" She asked.

"It's okay with me." Mike said. He went through the rest of the morining not talking to anyone. He sometimes kept to himself, which made the illusion of him having a girlfriend a lot less beleivable. Logically, how could a short neardy boy have a girlfriend that was far more than beautiful?

During lunch, him and his friend, Jason; were playing chess. Jason was slightly taller, and wore glasses. They met when Mike's mom moved to the city back in middle school.

"Who was that girl?" Jason asked.

"What girl?" Mike asked. He didn't want to talk about Clare at the moment. He didn't come up with anything to talk about to people. "Check."

"That girl that kissed you." Jason said. "Everyone was talking about it. Who is she man?"

"Her name is Clare." Mike started. Something finally came up in his head. "My mom set me up on a blind date the other day. She goes to a different school. Checkmate."

"Man, you always win." Jason complained.

"He who attacks first wins" Mike said. The school bell finally rang. "Got to go, i don't want to be late again."

The afternoon wasn't as quiet as the morning. Him and Clare spead like wild fire around the school. When school ended, he waited after school for his mom by the curve. He put his hood back on so he could talk.

"If your so queit, why do you want a licence?" Toka asked.

"To help mom." Mike said. "She works so hard, I could help out by getting groceries and stuff."

"How sweet." Clare said. "Here she comes."

He entered the car normally. The test went by faster than expected. He got a score of 83%, a "B-". He drove home so his mom could rest for a minute. He stopped at a drive-thru and got some burgers.

He went straight to his room when they got home. He watched his favorite t.v. show, Scrubs;like he always does. The girls sat on his bed, with Clare close to him.

 

Interesting...it looks like it's turning into a love story =).

However, you really need to use spell check or whatever. I noticed several mistakes in capitalization and misuse of commas and such in that chapter. Errors like that often turn off readers and make them less "into" your story. So if you really want people to enjoy the story, then you need to work on the grammer.

 

hey guys. sorry i haven't updated in a while, but i was stuck at the hospital. I did finish the story on paper. Now all i have to do is post it week after week. Now, it's time to post pt.4

CHAPTER 4: Discussion​

It’s been a month since we first introduced Clare, Toka, and Kuri. Clare enjoyed turning Mike’s girlfriend. She usually changed into her human form in the afternoon so she could “get a ride home.” All her home was an apartment building Mike found one day driving home. She’d walk in, change into her real form, and fly out. They needed to keep this illusion up for the masses to believe.

One night, Mike’s mom called him into the kitchen. She was making burritos for their dinner that night. The beans were still boiling and she was taking a swig of her soda.

“Mike” she started, “How do you feel about me seeing someone?”

“I think it’s a great idea mom” he told her.

“Good, because I’m going out with this guy at work.” She told him after draining the beans. She got out the masher and started mashing the beans, while Mike started cooking the tortillas. They did this every time they had burritos. “Just don’t bring over your girlfriend.”

Damn

Mike then turned his head to his mom. “What?” Mike asked her. “Jason told you huh?” He figured it’d get to her sooner or later. “Jason set me up on this blind date.” He could easily like to his mom.

“Okay.” She told him. “Just don’t go too fast.” She warned him.

While the two humans were eating; in Mike’s bedroom, Clare and Kuri were chatting. Toka was taking a nap on Mike’s bed. Clare and Kuri were floating above his floor. The light was left on accidentally by Mike.

“What do you mean you like him?!?” Kuri yelled.

“It sounds odd I know… but I do.” Clare admitted to her.

“So that kiss a month ago really did have some meaning?” Kuri pointed out.

“Yeah, so what am I going to do?” Clare asked.

“Tell him I guess.”

“Sure! Just go up to him and say ‘Hey Mike! I really really love you!’” Clare sat on Mike’s bed, crying. “There’s got to be a way we can be together.”

“We’ll,” Kuri started, “There’s always the spell of L.O.D.” Clare then lifted her head.

“I’ve already thought of that.” Clare said. “But I need his permission. Even if Mike says yes, I can be killed.”

The spell of L.O.D. could only be done on New Years Eve. L.O.D. stands for “Life or Death.” This spell gives an angel the choice to be immortal or become human. That means that they can be seen, and even murdered. It’s a simple spell, but only one angel has ever fully done the ritual.

“Well, how much do you love him?” Kuri asked.

“I’d die for him.” Clare said.

 

Awww, how romantic =D. Keep up the good work.

 

It's a really touching story so far. It kind of reminds me of Charlie's Angels for some reason. I'm not quite sure, but as I started reading it I'm like, "I want to watch Charlie's Angels". But I really like it so far. Keep up the great work Master Tummer.

 

Why did I know something like this would happen?
A mystery!
This sounds really sweet and romantic!
I bet I know what happens in the end!
You said you were stuck in the hospital.
Are you okay?
What happened?

 

yes i'm okay.
i have a heart problem, and i started having chest pains. on nov.4, i went to the emergency room, but they did nothing. it wasn't until nov. 6 we went to another hospital. they also said nothing, but we also went to my regular doctor. He decided to put me in the hospital until nov. 9.

 

Hey guys, i finally just got up the new chapter. Here it is...

Chapter 5: THe Truth​

Mike went to a high school that had 4 classes one day, and 4 different classes the next day. He did do some summer school during his summer vacation, so he could ge a free period. He was able to get two, so he did it during his third period on both days. He usually did his homework in the library during that time. He kept a sheet of paper out so he could write to the girls.

Where did clare and Toka go? He wrote to Kuri.

"They're doing a monthly analysis report." She told him. She started to feel guilty over the information that she knew. "You know, Clare loves you." She blabed.

Yeah, so do you and Toka. Kuri kicked his head, and his face slammed the desk.

"Are all human males as thick headed as you?" She yelled at him.

"What the hell was that for?" He yelled back. The librarian told him to quit making an "imgainary" scene. He turned back to the desk and started writing again.

Why did you kick me?

"Clare LOVES you Mike!" Kuri yelled at him.

How do you know? He asked her.

"She told me a while ago." she admited. "She won't tell you how shee feels because she thinks you might not feel the same way." She whipped a tear from her eye. "So, how do you feel about her?"

He sat in silence for a while. He was thinking on if they could be in a relationship. It did seem odd that an angel does love a human.

I guess I do like her. He wrote down.

"But like a girlfriend!" She told him. He then underlined his last statement three times to add emphisis. "Then you can change her into a human being like yourself. She told me all she wants is to be with you, and only you."

She would rather be a human than be imortal?

"Yes, but it must be done on a certain day." she explained. "That day is known to your people as New Years Eve." He then gave her a slight nod. After an hour of sitting in the library, the two other angels returned. He noticed on how Clare was looking at him for the first time ever.

They went on their regular daily schedule. He also noticed on how much she enjoyed being his girlfriend. When they got home, he went straight to his room, not even a "hello" to his mom. He turned on the television and nodded at Kuri. She had to drag Toka out of the room.

"Sit down Clare." He told her. She sat, looking confused towards the man that she loves. He held her face and pressed his lips onto hers. All this time Clare was the one to kiss him, but this is the first time that it was his willing. "I give you permission to perform the L.O.D. ceremony."

"What?!?" Clare yelled. Tears slowly started running down both of thier faces. Toka and Kuri were being nosy and watched from the outside window.

"Kuri told me and I love you too." he told her. He gave her another kiss on the lips. "The risk you are willing to take, just to be with me. I will forever be in your debt."

"No you won't." she said. "It will be paid in full with our love for eachother." She was balling wildy in his arms. He held her like any good gentleman would. "Thank you for letting me do this!" She kissed his wet cheek.

Clare, an angel; beautiful and perfect in everyway. Mike, a nerd who had no social life. This one young man carries the ability to grant this girls only wish; life, and him.

 

Oh my God, that was adorable!
It was so romantic and sweet!
A few misspelled words, but nonetheless!
You are very talented and should be very proud of yourself!

 

It's really good tummer. I forgot to say this last time, but....the three angles remind me of the gullwings!!

Sad, it's almost over!

 

i got inspired to write the story about three years ago, and yes i also did get the inspiration from the gullwings.

it's only halfway done.

thanks a lot dude.

 

Very good. It doesn't quite seem clear to me if Mike really loves her though, or if he just thinks he is. Maybe describe some more of his emotions in the next chapter. Other than that, great update =).