This is Love...?

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Heaven's Angel, Jan 26, 2008.

  1. Heaven's Angel Kingdom Keeper

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    Sep 30, 2007
    Location:
    Making AMVs. :P
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    Walking down this Autumn field
    I see the glimmer in your eyes
    And the smile in your heart

    Your arm is around me
    My heart's beating fast as we walk
    My palms have become sweaty

    You send me a comforting smile
    And I smile back
    You know that I'm nervous

    Is this what love feels like?
    You get nervous when you're around
    The one you love most?

    It makes me feel nautious
    But yet, I like it
    It makes me want to be closer to you

    Gently I lay my head upon your shoulder
    And you pull me a bit closer
    The autumn breeze gently blowing against my face

    If this is what love truely is
    Then I guess that means one thing:
    I've really fallen for you
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    I've been having alot of boy problems lately as most people can tell... so I've been writing many love poems lately... I hope you like it ^^
     
  2. Devil's Angel Gummi Ship Junkie

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    Listening to my music which is your heartbeat
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    lets dedicate this to all of us.Hey I think its the best poem u made yet ^^
     
  3. Scarred Nobody Where is the justice?

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    omg, that was cool. i really enjoyed it. my eyes are watering.
     
  4. Heaxrt17 Gummi Ship Junkie

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    I like it! Great job. :noworries:
     
  5. Heaven's Angel Kingdom Keeper

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    Making AMVs. :P
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    wow... it was really that good...? >_>
     
  6. Hummingbird Destiny Islands Resident

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2007
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    It's not bad, but no matter how I try to read it, I just can't get the flow to sound smooth. Particularly this part could be re-worded to make it flow better:
    Other than that, there aren't any major interruptions in the flow, but some parts do sound a bit "Tacky" if you know what I mean. Content-wise, there's nothing wrong with the poem though, just work on making it flow a bit better.
     
  7. Hakurei Reimu Take my hand. And then I'll fly with you right up

    Joined:
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    Gensokyo
    75
    Thematically, it is placed very well. The descriptions are great. A few misarrangements of words but that's almost nothing compared to the actual poem. 9.999999999/10