These white walls, They seem to be closing in on me. I'm not afraid as much I was before... I'm used to the pain...The hurt. I wake up and wait for the needle I wait for them to test me Like I am an expretiment Not a person. She says "Don't worry. It won't hurt." But here's the thing... It does hurt. It hurts a lot. And what hurts more, Is that she says this everyday, And it doesn't get any better. I want to ask her, "Why are you lying to me?" I feel as if time is almost up I want to cry But I can't. So I lie in my bed and frown. I frown to hide the pain, I frown to hide the sadness, I frown to let the world know... That I don't like being the place where I was born, And the same place that I will die. ------------------------- Well I wrote this poem because..I'm in the hospital. Shocking! Anyway, I'm not dying or anthing but I have become so depressed with this routine. It's driving me crazy! So..That's my poem...Any opinions?
I have an opinion on it..... It was awesome ^^ very good job, it was descriptive enough to build an image but not overly detailed. Your use of repetition is something which I use in a lot of my own work xD it is a technique which can either work well, or else ruin a poem. I think that you used it well 8D Overall, I liked it. There was one or two tiny flaws, but that was more with typos than style, so that is not important :) Keep it up xD
