In all world the worlds that reside, our tale starts out on a small island world. Yes, I know what your thinking " This is about Sora, right?" Well, no. We're about to expereince the world of Endwinga in The White Rider's eyes... Eden, a girl with master achery skills, lived in a town called Benanza. She was 11 years old, had brown-black hair, and slightly tan skin. Every day was a normal day, until this one, what so ever. She went to the beach to find shells, and brought her bow and a quiver full of arrows, for multiple reasons. She found many shells. When she found a shell that couldn't even fit her hand, it happened. A man in a black cloak appeared out of a portal. " Wh-who are you?" Eden stood up, reaching for her bow and an arrow. The man said nothing. I readyed my arrow, I was ready to strike. " C'mon, shoot. I can't die.", he said slyly. He took off his hood. He had flaming red hair, and emerald green eyes. " The name's Axel." Axel said. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm gonna start the other chapter tommorrow. There really was more to this chapter... but it was taking up time:D...... Should I continue this? Does anyone like this story so far?
It seems interesting. I only found two things wrong. 1. Brang is not a word, last time I checked. It would've been better if you used brought. "She brought her arrow.." 2. You had once sentence in first person. But the rest was in 2nd...keep it in one mode (1st, 2nd, or 3rd person) and don't switch from one to the other. Unless she is thinking, then you can use it, but specify that she is thinking. But besides that, it was good.
cool. you should use indenting. it's a lot easier to read. oh and just an tip, every time someone talks, start a new paragraph.
Kind of a rough way to start. You do the thing too quickly, and the girl if she always does that to people who apear out of nowhere, then she'll be getting her weapons each time she sees a person.
