Note: I will continue the story based on your input. If no one wishes for the story to continue then it shall end at the amount of chapters it has. Chapter 1 of ????? The world has changed. Technology now weaves its way into all manner of life. An invisible grid of connections circle the globe and humanity has found ways to improve technology. Every person has a device called an AVIC, or Automated Video Internal Communicator, installed into them when they reach the age of 3. The government says it is for easier communication between family and friends. The real purpose of the device is to allow the government to have complete control over the person. With this device, there have been no wars, no crimes. It has caused everlasting peace. All the nations joined together to make a unified government. The GCST, or The Global Committee for a Safer Tomorrow, was created to handle crimes before they got out of hand. If a person was found to have a murderous thought in his head and began to act upon it, field agents, commonly called the Enforcers by the public, were sent in to deal with the situation before any blood was shed. Any person deemed deadly with a criminal intent was sentenced to a life in a government holding facility, nicknamed The Safe. With all this peace you would think that humanity had it made. That is just it, humanity was still the same, only a new set of standards were viewed. Even with all this progress, some humans were born "different." Now I say different because, well, we are. You see some of humanity, myself included, were born with powers that could not be controlled by the AVIC. These powers were monitored by the GCST's Devision of Para-human Studies, or DPS. Most of us were born with your typical super hero powers, you know, flight, x-ray vision, frost breath. I on the other hand was born with something different. I was born with the unusual ability to control any type of technology I came in contact with. This I'll explain a bit later. However, in addition to this odd power,I was also born with something else. They called it a demon, most called it an AVATAR. An ancient being from before humanity even existed. I was told that the AVATAR was never to be released, I must never allow him to be free. I learned later that this was just their way of saying I was different from the rest of the different people. It was inside the DPS facility that I grew up, was educated and ultimately released from at the age of 21. That is when I decided to use my powers. Most of us were allowed to use our powers outside of the facility only if we were to help the government with what they needed. This usually implied they would implant an AVIC into us. I was different, I could control technology. I used my AVIC and broke away from the GCST. I then used the device to examine everything I needed to become the first global hacker. I could hack into anything and have to this day, never been caught. Through this, I learned just how evil the government was. They had said the AVIC's were going to make everyone balanced in the world. No more middle or lower class. That was a big lie. During my "hacking spree" I came across something that was making it's way around the officials. One of the higher ups was planning to separate humanity in order to contain those who were jumping social class. He was going to change payment plans for those of the lower and middle classes in order to keep them down. This sounded all to similar, the rich were going to get richer at the expense of the poor. I could not let this happen. This is when I learned the power of the AVATAR. My AVATAR, a being of pure energy, channeled through me and over wrote the order. For the moment, balance was maintained or at least I thought. The GCST found out what happened that day and has ever since been sending Enforcers to track me down. It was this point when I met with them, the Resistance. A group of hackers that knew of the plot and wanted to stop a second attempt to change the status quo. They had called themselves Sherwood, like the forest from Robin Hood. The group had found the name of the officials that sent the message. They would need my help to make sure this plan did not go through. I joined up with them and have since been fighting a secret war on the GCST. They can hunt me all they want, but they will never find me. You might be asking yourself, who are you. Well let me save you the trouble. I am Kite. Kite Ravenger. I'm a hacker and I am the only hope you have.
Someone called Kite Ravenger with an AVATAR and control over technology is the only hope I have? Tinfoil hat time! It's good so far, though I advice the use of Paragraphs in the future. They make it easier to read. Believe me, I should know. But so far the story is good. Keep it up.
I enjoyed this, and would like to see you continue with the story. It seems like an interesting plot line, and would like to see where it goes.
Thank you all for the comments. I will continue to write this until one of two things happen, you guys get bored of it or I get writer's block,
This was good. It seems like it sets up a sequel, but it could very easily be a stand alone story. Keep it up Aros, I look forward to the next chapter.
Spoiler Generic plot is generic. Main character is special snowflake. I don't know how much experience you have, but basically everyone writes this kind of story when they first start. It's easy and it lets the reader vicariously play the badass. So you can write, like you actually have the grammar and spelling thing down better than most people and you know how to work with sentence structure. In fact I'm only even talking about plot because you've already graduated from the technical stuff in my eyes. So I'm going to say the same thing to you that I tell everyone that I think has promise. You should keep writing. I can't tell you to have different tastes so I'm not gonna tell you to stop this and start something different, because that'd be stupid and arrogant. So as disparaging as part of my critique may sound I do appreciate you posting this. Keep it up.
Thank you for your feedback. I have taken your advice and edited the chapter to make more sense. The plot seems more realistic and the main villain seems more plausible. I understand he is a prick. I did not intend that when I wrote but after rereading, I agree with you, he is a prick.
