The Tales of KHV

I like the medieval vibe this is giving off. Also, yeah, I prefer this Misty as well. xD

Overall, I really like this Midnight. o:
The atmosphere is good, and I can see the setting and the characters clearly as the story goes on.
Also spdude getting revenge olololol.

I look forward to reading more. c:

 

This is very good, I have just finihsed reading and I thought I should give some feedback.

I like how you've personified our forum but kept it's structure throughout the story, it keeps my interested and I look forward to reading more. You've also kept the characters true to themselves so that they remain in character and with the Wolfie Spikes, I like it. It kind of reminds me of a dog collar- weird I know but it just does.

Anyway, good work, keep it up.

 

Authors Note: Sorry for the delay, I got stuck (well I still kinda am, so suggestions welcomed) and then returned to it to find half of it was missing so I've had to rewrite most of this next bit. Thanks for all the feedback, keep it coming and I know this next bit is short but I haven't even decided who to follow next. Hope you like it.



“Let’s go kick some robot ass then!” Somebody yelled within the crowd. There was silence as everyone turned to look at who had spoken before a roar of agreement filled the room. Wolfie started to open her mouth to quiet them, but paused, shrugged and joined in with them, it didn’t seem a bad idea to her at all, even if the actual war couldn’t be solved quite so easily. RvR and Misty didn’t join in but nor did they try to stop it, if it got everyone’s morale up then maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing. The agreement turned into a chant and most of the crowd marched out of the room and into the main area, still chanting. Although, Britishism noted, most of the ones on chairs stayed behind, to discuss this in more detail.

The crowd got quite a lot of attention from everyone else wondering what was going on. This resulted in the news spreading like wildfire and soon everyone knew the situation they were in. Despite this, most people seemed to be in a good mood though. Decorations had been put up all around khv, especially in a building in an area of khv that was generally referred affectionately to as ‘The Spam Zone’. This was where everyone came after they’d finished all their work to relax and have fun.

A lot of attention was around that one particular building where an event was being held; a huge banner was attached to the entrance announcing that the ‘KHV AWARDS 2011’ were taking place. Inside it was chaos, currently the less serious awards were being voted on and on the walls it showed who was currently winning each award. Among them there was the controversial ones, where there was lots of people talking about such as a woman was winning ‘Manliest Man’. Though there was a constant stream of people coming through to vote, changing the standings by the minute.

 

Loving this so far, Midnight. It's a perfect view of khv and it's member. But would it be possible to include the updates in the first post? It'd make it easier for readers and it'd save time for new viewers. Rather than having to look through posts Other than that, I'm eager to see how this progresses. Curse that spdude!

 

I've took your advice and posted all of it in the first page, though I'll still post new updates in the main thread as well to bump the thread and so I can add author notes. Anyway, thanks for the feedback ^,^

 

Great job Midnight! I'm really happy to see you are continuing this! I almost forgot about it xD

 

Very good, even though it was a short addition it was still good. I like how you have added the awards into your story, it makes me laugh.

As for suggestions are you going to write about the meeting between staff members to discuss bot extinction? Otherwise you could have the new members being briefed on the different sections as a way of introducing each place to the reader. These are just suggestions though.

 

Yay KHV Awards. :'D

Anyway, there were a few instances where you had run on-y sentences.

It seemed to force the action to go along, but you were/are in a bit of a block right now, so it's understandable. xD I'd suggest breaking the larger sentences like this apart, especially since this one repeated the "what was going on" line, which made it feel repetitive.

Overall though, I like how you switched to a less serious atmosphere with the Awards. It certainly sets up for more character interaction between Brit and the other members, and allows for a bigger sort of "OHSHI-" moment when spdude finally makes his move. Demanding more, Midny. :|

 

i... i really want to work there. just saying. anyways, edits:

You have a tendancy to make run-on sentences. for example:

Fixed:

Spoiler

a trick i learned a few years ago was to read your sentences out loud. everywhere you have to stop and take a breath, place a comma or period. beyond that, the only spelling error i could find was at the beginning of chapter 2: They made their way quickly down a maze of tunnels and came to a door that had a large sign on it saying, ‘AUTHORISED PERSONELL ONLY’. Personel has only one 'L'

edits out of the way, this is a great story. id love to see how how it goes on. im especially curious about the third figure, above Misty and RvR, but i shall keep my theories to myself... for now.

 

I love the new updates, Midny. You're a great writer, and I love the feel of your KHV.

I haven't noticed any spelling errors aside from the one Loxare pointed out, although your sentence structure occasionally needs work.

AWESOME job, though. I can't wait for more.

 

This should be morale. Keep up the good work, and try to write more between postings. It is teasing at this rate.

 

Oh hey I forgot about this story. Don't stop when it's just getting good. XD