Hmm, wow, posting your chapters in seperate threads AND in the wrong section~ Least you kinda tried to fix it by copy/pasting your chapters in the first thread.. No harm, no foul, I fixed it for yee.
ok there were a ton of misspellings, the only woman is the Organisation...her name Larxene L-A-R-X-E-N-E, there are no "C"s in her name, the grammar was off, you have to press enter when somebody new is talking. But all in all a great story line!
Is this your first fic? Anyways I have only read the first chapter, and I noticed some things. .___. Each sentence must start with a capital letter, names, and any other proper nouns. There are many spelling and grammatical errors. Most people start a new paragraph as a new person starts talking, although not nessicary. Placing the story into paragraphs in general is a major issue. I suggest you proof-read your work before posting it or having a friend proof-read it. If you are still having trouble with your grammer, spelling, and such; I suggest typing it in Microsoft Word to help you correct and catch any mistakes you may have made. Keep on writing... practice makes for improvement!
