The Pains of Being in a New Relationship

So, you're in a new relationship, and things are going great. You couldn't be happier.

But oh wait...they start texting back less and less.They just say that they're busy with work, or school. So you give them the benefit of the doubt. But wait. Suddenly, if you don't text them initially, it takes them days for them to start a convo first with you. You then start to notice that when you say something sweet, they don't reciprocate it back, and/or just say "Thanks."

Now the question lingers over your head...."Are they slowly drifting from me, or are they just busy/empty-headed and really inconsiderate?" It's hard to find the answer. So, you're stuck with two plans of action: a) pretend to be nonchalant and pretend that you don't notice or care that they're like this or b) become openly and completely over-possessive and insecure, hounding them for contact with you and information. If you do (a) you show that you're independent and not needy, but it's possible that you might be losing them in the process, and they may not think you care. And if you do (b) you might scare them off because you seem needy and ****, but it'll also show that you care and wanna care about their well-being.

Either way, it's a crappy situation. You don't wanna be taken for granted/neglected and you want attention from your partner, but at the same time you don't wanna scare them off and seem insecure. How exactly can couples avoid situations like this?

Spoiler

Perhaps just say no to love?

 

and suddenly I'm reminded why I don't miss being in a serious relationship

 

But the sex is great

 

Or you could c) say "Hey, I notice you're kind of despondent lately, can we talk about it?" and then have a civil, mature conversation about the state of your relationshi-

...Oh wait

nvm

 

Meh

 

Yes! Absolutely. If you scare them off in the process, you're shown they were never really down with it to begin wi-

Or that. (b) is really a win/win. You weed out the bad, and if they stay, they know you care. Girls love sensitive guys anyway.

 

Huh. I hadn't thought about doing that. I don't know why.

 

Rules of thumb in romance: Be honest when you're unsure, make your needs clear, and ask questions before you assume. If somebody's actually bugged by that then they need to get over themselves or else they'll never maintain any sort of meaningful relationship for long. Better to have a talk than The Talk, right?

 

lol No. No they don't.

They say that they do, but generally speaking, they want someone who's tough and doesn't have/express their insecurities. They want someone whom they have to earn opening up from, not just anyone who's open about their feelings with anyone. They want to always be on the chase, always unsure if they have you or not, or else they get bored with you and want to move on to the next exciting thing that swings by. I'm sure not all women are like this, but from my experiences, a lot of them are. I'm not misogynistic or anything, these are just things that I've experienced time and time again.[DOUBLEPOST=1401247075][/DOUBLEPOST]

Yeah, but for some reason, I've never been able to word "WHY HAVEN'T YOU BEEN TEXTING ME BACK" in a way that doesn't make me sound crazy.

 

Kill a hooker with a brick and bring the head as a sign of submission.

This is actually about how much I know about relationships.

 

Oops. I should've said <sarcasm>Girls love sensitive guys anyway.</sarcasm>

It's a cliché that I dout anyone still believes. Trust me, I know. I agree with you 110%.

Maybe it's trendy? Maybe it's natural selection? I don't know.

Take it as it is, I guess.

 

Focus on yourself. Things like "Am I bugging you?" usually go over better than "Are you ignoring me?" And, y'know, always best to open with "Can we talk" so you're more likely to have their full attention when you ask

Just don't overdo it, you don't wanna seem like a push-over. If your partner's avoidant or defensive, stand firm; ignoring the elephant in the room will do no good.

 

Hmm, care to expand?[DOUBLEPOST=1401252587][/DOUBLEPOST]

Huh. And here I thought I knew all there was to know about relationships. Thanks.

 

fuck another bitch and send them pics

 

You're going after the wrong girls.

 

That depends. A person can also interpret a person asking about what they find bad about hem as an insult to their character. Just as easily as talking about your problem with them can put them on the defensive. By reversing the angle of the question you're putting the weight on them. Now THEY need to respond about YOUR perceived issue. Are they being overly critical of you? Are they asking you what's wrong with YOU that you're bugged by them?
I don't know enough about broad personality types to say, but I imagine forcing the question onto less dominant or confident people would have a more negative effect, especially if they have an imagination. A mature person who is secure with themselves would probably take hearing criticism better than the implication that they have a problem with you, but a person who maybe doesn't want to hurt you might like the opening to voice the complaints they were either too shy, polite, or otherwise unwilling to voice unprovoked.

I'm SUPER generalizing here still, but yeah, the point is there are a lot of way people can react to things, and you an only predict so much. When you push something out of your mind and into the world, you need to make peace with that fact that that means ceding control from it, people will interpret it as they see fit

am I rambling

 

If you do any of the advice above, I advise not doing it over text... at least a phone call because then they have to respond and texts won't get ignored and they can't meticulously think about what they are saying so hopefully the truth will come out because that is what you want.

 

Ehh... Yeah I guess? But you're assuming a certain personality type and maturity level. Idk, all I know is what has worked for me, but my relationships are obviously gonna be a little different 'cause I'm weird.

 

It's hard for a person like me to give advice because from my of my friends that are guys (I clarified their gender because normally there is a bias when it comes to how well you treat someone of the opposite gender), they call me an idiot for "dealing with so much" in past relationships. But I guess I'll have a go at it:

If you truly care about the person, put your pride and all of that aside and just make sure she/he is okay and happy. If the other person continuously ignores you or is forcefully distancing themselves from you then talk to them about it in a supportive/non aggressive way. At the end of the day though, what really matters is what makes you happy. If dedicating yourself 110% to a person (even one who might not even do half of the stuff that you do in return) makes you happy then go for it and don't let anybody tell you what to do. It's your life and you can choose to be with whomever you want. That also means that you are free to not be with someone. Forcing things is a nono from what I have seen.

Best of luck.

RYAN GOING IN DEEP WITH THE GURL ADVICE

 

♡ SUFFERING Emotionally detach yourself from the person, keep them around for the sex. put on a pair of heels, smear on bloody red lipstick and step on their throats​