The KHV Chronicles: Magical Underage Lady Alter Nyan

Well here's the 2nd story I made. The characters were decided by a multitude of members and no harm was meant in choosing characters for roles. A little explanation though about the stories. They're kinda like a Legend of Zelda game in a way but told in a Bible-ish way. This is how the forums came to be. The characters in one story are not exactly the same from another story. Anyways enjoy my 1000th post.

Time was dark as it passed by. A time of war was rising upon Kh-vids. The only way to stop the war against 4chan was the defensive wall against database errors was the Tienewman Wall. Guards were like ants among the barricades. Makaze patrolled the wall, making sure everything was grammatically correct. He continued his work when suddenly something knocked his avatar off. Makaze looked at his quick attacker and saw Amaury flying around. He landed on a tower among the wall and squawked at a Makaze. Out of nowhere came thousands of banhammers from below the ledge of the wall. They attached themselves to it and all of 4chan started ascending the wall. Makaze, somehow not surprised, ran towards the beacon with the goal of warning all of KHV of the attack. But the shadows around him revealed SPdude standing there waiting. Makaze, again not even surprised, activated the beacon, warning all of SPdudes attack. “Now all of KHV knows of your arrival,” said Makaze. “Perfect,” trolled SPdude.

Word of the breach had reached Britishm who housed RvR, the Emperor Admin of KHV. Risk, who was the leader of the main army, entered his user profile with the word on the attack. Misty denounced such news calling it impossible. RvR, a smart gentleman told Misty to rally all users for war but Risk argued that his army could handle SPdude. RvR told him he would not take any risk (lol) and that even the smallest grain of rice could tip the scales. Luxord.

FKB, awake and preparing, was compiling a hidden signature on her arm to mess with the staff. She wrote down the rules of how to make an internet couple. Hearing Summer Daze being sung by Heart, she hurried to her work and looked for Wolfie. Finding her she strapped on a spam feeder and attached a bone from Gabr. Wolfie seeing the bone chased after it and unfortunately did not see the wall. Regardless of the wall Wolfie continued her chase and correspondingly fed the users within the spamzone. She continued her run past the horse-like Maki and towards the Shrine. FKB’s father, Feenie was praying to DeathSpank, who was all of their ancestors, for help with FKBs fake couple. Unfortunately FKB arrived just as Wolfie had led the spammers to feenie. Accidently spilling the awesome-sauce she fed Feenie and left to keep her forum families honor.

Riding on top of a Maki, FKB arrived in the midst of KHV for her couples test. FKB found Rissy fretting over her lateness and Maka testing to see if the cricket-like Rat was lucky by trying to spam in the discussion area. The result was utter chaos but Maka was blind in this. Taking her away they got her naked and ready for the couples creator, Jayn, by singing about useless women stuff. FKB marched with fellow members to where Jayn made her abode. They awaited the one who would make their fate’s arrival. Crashing through the doors Jayn, creator of all couples appeared. She called out to FKB who made the mistake of responding. Embarrassed by her mistake FKB ascended into the Cave of Couples.

Inside the cave Jayn commanded FKB to recite the rules of KHV. Looking at her hidden signature FKB recited it. Unfortunately for her she did not realized Rat had escaped from his cage. Jayn, figuring FKB had cheated searched her for any notes. She did not realize, however, that she had covered her hand in FKB’s signature. Leading her to a table Jayn instructed FKB to pour the awesome-sauce. Unaware of the mess on her hand Jayn placed her hand on her face. The result was that the Tenacious D was imprinted on her face as well as the asses they were inscribed on. Flabbergasted at what she was seeing FKB almost messed up the drink. Not realizing that Rat was laying inside the cup of awesome-sauce she let Jayn take it. Trying to stop Jayn from drinking Rat FKB wrestled with her, trying to take the cup away. Unfortunately she ended up pouring all the awesome sauce onto her which allowed Rat to enter Jayn’s clothing. A catfight almost ensued but Rat’s movements inside her clothing made Jayn panic and she fell onto some ember’s that were set about to keep the area warm. Setting herself on fire she ran out of the cave with FKB in pursuit. In an attempt to douse the fire, FKB threw the rest of the awesome-sauce onto Jayn, putting out the fire. Not one to let anger go by, Jayn threw a fit and scolded FKB saying she would never bring honor to her forum family.

Sadness was upon FKB’s forum family. No one spoke as she changed into her normal attire. She released Rat into the wild, not caring whether he survives. It was apparent that she could not please anyone by being herself. She tried to settle her thoughts by sitting under a reply tree. Feenie came upon her and sat down. He told her that the working late on her couple would make it the best. But the time was not for happiness. Misty rode into the village and relied that 4chan was attacking KHV. One male from every forum family was to join to save KHV. Feenie, being the only male in FKB’s family because he’s a player like that, accepted his PM for the war. FKB fearing for her father’s safety attempted to tell Misty that her father was unfit to fight. Misty told FKB that she needed to learn her place by not speaking to Admins. Feenie, angered at FKB, left with her in hand.

Feenie searched for his gear. His green battle armor he got from a Halo convention, Morpheus’ sword from the Matrix used. Sadly though, he had grown weak by wasting all his time trying to beat The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks. FKB knowing his health issues knew she had to do something. Everything was quiet at dinner. FKB could not stand the silence and argued that Feenie should not have to fight. Feenie yelled at her and told her to learn her place. FKB ran into the storm that was outside, not caring for her health. Thinking in the rain she knew the time to act was now. She waited for her family to fall asleep. She then went and took her father’s PM along with his equipment. Taking the sword performed a magical girl transformation that took two minutes to complete. She had become Kitty. The manliest man of all. Taking her families Maki she rode into the night, heading to the camp where she was to train to protect KHV. Her family woke in the midst of night to find her gone. Knowing they could not reveal FKB’s true identity all they could do was pray to DeathSpank for her safety.

Their prayers did reach him though. His mind awoke amongst the graves. DeathSpank awakened Dalk from his slumber so that he could awaken the other ancestors. Dalk performed his duty awakening all of DeathSpank’s other selves. There was angry, oldy, very oldy, ugly lady, nerdy guy and more. They argued amongst themselves over who of them is the best as well as which spirit staff member to send. After much debate over who was the coolest they decided to send Roxas to protect FKB, but only after laughing at Dalk who wanted to go instead. Dalk left the many minds of DeathSpank and went to KHV Song where Roxas resided inside. Unfortunately he could not wake him up and ended up destroying the song. Knowing of the trouble he was going to be in he quickly replaced it with the song Tik Tok and hoped no one would notice. And no one did. Rat, who had gotten lost, wandered upon a moping Dalk. He told him that he should go retrieve FKB. Dalk, not one to try hard, denounced the idea, but then decided that turning her into a war hero might net him a chance at staff. He left with Rat in pursue of FKB.

The land was passing by. SPdude and his army were traveling across the darkened land. Sensing something he stopped. Using his ancient sense he picked out two scouts. He directed his army towards their direction. Being dragged by their hair the two scouts were lead to the army. Total newbies they did not know what to do. One told SPdude off saying he will be defeated. His rebuttal was that RvR had challenged him with Tienewman, that this was their destiny. He told them to take a message to RvR that he was coming. They staggered off but not far when SPdude questioned how many men does it take to send a PM. One Daxa answered, not missing with her sticky bow.

FKB was having trouble being a magical girl man. Being Kitty was hard work. She practiced in front of her Maki. Her performance was about as good as Tienewman was at RPs. Her Maki even laughed at her. It was going to take a miracle for her to pull of her magical girl Kitty impersonation to get her into the army. It was only then that a fiery shadow appeared behind her scaring her. The performance Dalk was giving her could only be described by one word: preacher. Sadly though no Sora pounced him. Even though she found the performance scary FKB found Dalk lacking in actual appearance. Maki even crushed Dalk. Questioning his validity as an ancient guardian FKB slapped him. This only angered him into falsely dishonoring her and her Maki. Worrying over this she pleaded for Dalks help and together they set of towards camp.

At camp FKB tried to make her best Kitty impression but even it was looked upon as odd by the other members. Being disgusted by the males love for yuri she wandered into one member showing off his signature. Apparently it was to protect him from harm. Nova on the other hand proved that theory wrong with a punch in the guy. Ace laughed insanely at the man. FKB doubted that she could fit in. Dalk convinced her to punch Nova so she did. The result was Nova landing on Luxord. She then slapped him on the ass which only angered Nova but Luxord was able to calm him down. Unfortunately Dalk could not control himself from calling Nova out after he insulted his profile picture. A fight ensued afterwards which ended up with everyone except FKB getting hurt. They chased her around but lost her when they fell into a line for some rice. Nova and Ace had no problem stopping but Luxord did not. It was his fault that all the rice was spilled but he had no problem with that at all. This though, only led to an attack on FKB from the entire camp.

Inside a tent, Risk, his son Christhor, and Misty were discussing plans on how to stop SPdude. Risk suggested that he take the main army and stop SPdude head on in a battle that would be more epic than the one in The Lord of the Rings 3. Misty agreed by butt kissing him. Risk told them that Chris would train the troops in the camp and then meet up with the main army. Misty not liking this thought it was a bad idea but Risk would not think of anything else. They left the tent into the chaos outside.

Outside a brawl was in full scale. Ordering his troops to stop this madness they all pointed to FKB as the original instigator. Knowing they must learn a lesson Chris ordered everyone to pick up every single grain of rice. Luxord was not angry at all even though everyone else was at FKB.

Being woken up early was a problem for FKB. Dalk managed to do so by turning Rat into a clock. Feeding her a healthy breakfast of spam Dalk had her practice her manliness. Maki told her that the other troops had assembled like autobots. Performing a record breaking magical transformation FKB ran to join the others. When she had arrived Nova told her that he owed Kitty but before he could do anything Chris had all the members line up. Calling him out Chris made Nova perform the first test. Logging out and logging back in. This required Nova to climb up a pole with weights tied to his arms to retrieve an arrow. None of the other members could do it though and so Misty had to log them all back in herself. A manly training montage happened between Chris and the rest of the members. It could only be described as a West Side Story fight dance sequence but every person is either Duke Nukem or Chuck Norris. The many tests given during the montage had everyone simplest tests. The members even had trouble posting and giving out rep. During the middle though, FKB was sent home but not before she managed to successfully log in. This one act garnered enough morale among the other members which led them to all be able to pass tests as easily as passing a kidney stone. The end result was an army worthy of Bruce Lee.

The army of 4chan was not to be deceived. SPdude waited for his pet, Amaury, to display him some news of any trouble. Amaury flew by and gave him a Kelly doll. He sniffed it and knew something was amiss. He gave it to his fellow members and asked what they could find from Kelly. Mike felt posts among Kelly. Ty saw rep on Kelly. Mixt tasted spam on Kelly. Daxa felt that they could easily avoid the army but SPdude wanted the fast route. He also wanted to return Kelly to FinalForm.

FKB stunk like a skunk run over by a tanker full of pig’s droppings in the middle of summer. So she had an anime bath sequence in a river. Dalk did not approve as it would show off that she was not as manly as Kitty. Unfortunately Dalk missed the opportunity to warn FKB that Nova, Ace, and Luxord had run into river as naked as Clawtooth’s fangirls wish he was. FKB tried to hide but was unsuccessful. Ace introduced himself to her as did Luxord. Nova claimed himself as king of the spam. Ace figured Kitty and him could take Nova but all FKB wanted to do was leave before she was found out, but Ace was persistent. He kept trying to get her to help when Dalk came to the rescue and bit him. Thinking that Dalk was a snake the trio scrambled onto the rock in order to escape which was the perfect opportunity for FKB to escape. FKB claimed she never wanted to see another naked male member again but that was hard for her to do since the internet is for porn. Also the stream of naked members running past her had something to do with that.

Upon her return to the camp FKB overhears Misty claiming that the army is unfit for battle. A fight starts between her and Chris which ends on Misty reminding that he only was captain due to his father while she earned her job as RvR’s assistant. Dalk, sees this as the perfect opportunity for him to make FKB a war hero. Waiting until Misty walks out of the tent clothed in her towels and slippers Dalk and Rat enter the tent. Making fast work Rat makes a letter for Dalk to use. They then go to FKB’s Maki. They ask him for help in their plan but all they receive is a face full of horse spit and water. Resorting to extreme’s Dalk looks for a replacement.

Misty exits the river, disgruntled at the troop’s behavior as they ruined her slippers. Disclaiming that she does not scream like a girl she screams like a girl when she comes face to face with Chev, Dalk’s new mount. Mounted on top of Chev, Dalk pretends to be the messenger, P. He gives Misty the letter Rat had made and makes a speedy escape up a tree leaving Misty to marvel at the letter. She runs, gasping out word that they are to come to the front of the battle. Dalk and Rat admire from a distance the work they have done.

The army starts their journey to the KairiNamine Mountains. They pass the time by starting a song about yuri, video games, and junk food. The important stuff. They arrive there expecting to be welcomed to the army but are met with disaster instead. The village on the mountain is destroyed. Burnt down, there is nothing alive within the area. They begin a search where Misty finds Risk’s army all defeated. Luxord appears with Risk’s helmet and gives it to Chris. He goes away to be alone while the rest of the army is left to mourn.

Chris orders the army to head towards Britishism where RvR resides. The army marched, the only sound was the crunching of snow under their feet until a rocket went off in the carriage that FKB had. Wanting to know what happened Chris went over to FKB but was then shot in the chest with an arrow. Being the badass he is this did not faze him and he ordered his troops to get out of range. Then a volley of fire arrows was launched and the rocket cart was set aflame. Everyone went to save the rockets which turned out that Luxord did most of the work by carrying the most. FKB drew her sword and released her Maki from the fiery cart. She mounted her Maki and rode away in epic slow motion just as the cart exploded. She grabbed Dalk who landed nearby and ran towards the fray.

Rockets were being blasted at the 4chans as FKB made it to the army. She grabbed one herself and revealed Misty cowering beneath but the last of the attackers were gone and Chris ordered a hold fire. The smoke parted, revealing SPdude at the peak of the valley, but it wasn’t only SPdude up there. All of 4chan gathered around him, waiting for the battle. They charged down upon them outnumbering them 10 to 1. Nova aimed the last rocket at SPdude but FKB had a better idea. She grabbed to rocket from Nova and ran towards SPdude. Setting up the rocket she aimed it at SPdude, then at KairiNamine Mountain. She attempted to light it but Amaury flew down and knocked her matches away. Seeing that she was in trouble Nova, Ace, and Luxord ran off to help her. Looking desperately, FKB grabbed Dalk and told him to use flamethrower. Rocket took 50 damage and its fuse was lit. SPdude, moments away from slicing FKB’s head off charged toward them. The rocket fired, inches from SPdude’s face and headed to KairiNamine’s peak where it hit her. The impact didn’t leave a crater but it cause KairiNamine to release all of her white stuff onto the entirety of the 4chan army. Realizing what had happened SPdude attacked FKB, wounding her. She started running away as SPdude assessed the situation. She grabbed Chris and they ran towards the cliffs. Nova, Ace, and Luxord continued their assault but then they saw the rushing current of KairiNamine’s white and immediately hustled back. FKB’s Maki ran towards the battle as SPdude tried to outrun the whiteness but even could not survive.

Maki came upon FKB and Chris. FKB got onto him and reached for Chris but he got swept away in the white. All of it started pouring off the cliff as it were water spilling out of a sink and onto the floor. Dalk rode down the mountain searching for FKB but all he could find was Rat. Then suddenly she popped up from the ground as if she was a daisy. She headed towards Chris who had collapsed. She got him and put him up on Maki. FKB’s trio of friends were trying to find her. They fire an arrow in an attempt to pull them to safety but Nova forgot to hold onto the rope. FKB caught the arrow as she was falling off the cliff. She shot it into the sky and into Nova’s hands but the weight of her, Chris, Dalk, Rat, and Maki was too much and they were pulled off to the edge. Yet Luxord saved the day by doing all the work again and pulling them up. Once they had reached the cliff they had a moment of rest. Chris thanked FKB and the rest of the army claimed Kitty the manliest man of them all but she fell down, weakened by her wound from SPdude. Her sight went black.

She was taken to the doctor in his tent. There he bandaged her up. Chris wanted to know the status and doctor Machazo told him that Kitty was a girl named FKB. Chris angered by this dragged her out and took her sword but he could not kill someone who saved him. He ordered the army to head out to Britishism. FKB stayed on the mountain to mope. Not Even Dalk could cheer her up. They decided to head home. Yet it was not over. Amaury searched about for his master. SPdude popped up from the ground with a grimace on his face. His entire army was destroyed but was he worried? Ty, Mike, Mixt, and Daxa rose from the ground like zombies searching for food. Not even saying a word they headed towards Britishism. FKB witnessing his revival knew she had to do something. She headed for Britishism with Dalk in tow.

A party was going on in the midst of the internet for KHV’s triumph over 4chan. The army marched around KHV in parade to honor the trials they faced. Yet none of the militia showed signs of happiness. Except Misty. FKB rode into the midst of the parade up to Chris. She tried to warn him that 4chan was not gone, that they were on there way, but he would not listen. They left her standing in the street. She went towards Britishism Palace where RvR resided. Someone there should believe her she thought.

Upon reaching RvR fireworks were lit to celebrate the coming of the Heros. The roar of the crowd crescendo into a frenzy as they reached him. Fireworks lit up the sky in a fiery fury. Chris ascended the stairs before him, his army behind him up to RvR. He presented him SPdudes blade but before RvR could take it Amaury swooped down and snatched it right out of Chris’ hands. He flew into the sky up to the top of the palace and dropped the sword. It fell over and over until it was stopped by SPdude, who stood over all as if he were a gargoyle. Then out of nowhere came the survivors of his army. They clambered up the stairs. Nothing could stop their assault, not even Chris himself. They grabbed RvR and took him into Britishism and locked the doors. The KHV army rushed to them but it was too late. They tried to break in, taking a statue and smashing it against the door but to no avail. FKB observed the place. She called to them and showed them what had to be done. Nova, Ace, and Luxord had to perform a magical girl transformation in order to become female. Chris decided to stay male. They ascended the palace like spiders, climbing up the pillars.

Ty and Mixt led RvR to the balcony looking over his website. SPdude dropped in from above. He sent Ty and Mixt to guard the doors. No one was to enter. SPdude demanded that RvR bow to him. His wall and armies had fallen. Now he was to so as well. Nova, Ace, Luxord, and FKB had entered the palace. Now all they had to do was woo the guards. They went up to them. Mike was wooed. Mixt, Ty, and Daxa were not. Ace accidently dropped an apple; his size went down a bit. Amaury seeing this fluke and witnessing Chris cringe in disappointment started to call out but not before Dalk burned set him aflame. The three pulled out their fruit and kicked the rest of the 4chans ass with them. FKB didn’t need fruit. Somehow not being a magical girl made her stronger. Chris ran towards the doors while the 4chans were taken care of.

SPdude demanded that RvR bowed. RvR spoke that one can not lower oneself lower than a troll. Angered SPdude attacked him but was blocked by Chris. The struggled for a bit until Chris pinned SPdude down. Luxord came in and grabbed RvR. He slid down the wire and carried RvR to safety. Once again he did all the work. SPdude angered let out a roar as he could not find RvR in the crowd below. He grabbed his blade and proceeded to attack Chris. He accused him for taking his fatality. FKB corrected him. She transformed into Kitty. It was her that stole it from him. He ran to attack her but she fled into the palace and locked the door. SPdude didn’t care. He busted down the door and ran after her. Dalk, riding Amaury like a chocobo asked her for a plan. Seeing the fireworks tower he knew her exact idea. He jumped onto a kite and flew away. SPdude charged at her slicing like a madman. Pillars fell from his blade and when she started climbing one like a stripper he sliced it too. It fell into the wall and breached outside. He charged at her again but she jumped and climbed onto the roof. Dalk landed on the tower. He scarred away the members using is insaneness and random comments. They jumped off the tower. Anything was better than witnessing Dalk like that. Reaching the top of the palace she positioned herself in front of the tower but suddenly SPdude burst up onto her. He stabbed her but she caught the blade and after a bludgeoning in the balls, she took his sword. Dalk then lit a fire and gave it to Rat. Rat lit the firework that was attached to Dalk. It was twice the size of a human head. FKB tripped SPdude and jammed his sword into him. Trapped he panicked and watched as the firework rammed him off the palace into the tower holding the fireworks. FKB ran and jumped onto a wire. She rode it down and landed on top of Chris just as SPdude exploded from all the fireworks.

Angered at FKB for the explosion that had happened, Misty came out of the charred Britishism Palace. She demanded her head on a pike. Chris readied himself to strike her but RvR stopped him. He descended from the palace down the stairs and to FKB. He called her out. Claiming she had broke more rules that Zter has ever broken, but he thanked her for saving KHV. He bowed to her as did all the members. He offered her a job on staff but she declined. She wished to return to her forum family. So, RvR gave her the seal of an Admin, a blue username and the blade of SPdude. She hugged and thanked him for his kindness. She hugged Nova and Ace while Luxord picked them all up and squeezed them. She went to Chris and he fumbled his pick-up line. She mounted Maki and left KHV as a hero.

Feenie was waiting in the forum family section. He had wait for so long, wishing FKB would return. She went upon him and bowed down. She offered the gifts of RvR but he would not have any of it. All he wanted was her. Maka was disappointed that FKB did not get man. That was until Chris entered looking for FKB. She asked he stayed for dinner and he did. Dalk became a staff member and Rat became a forum helper. So happy was DeathSpank, all of his forms came out and partied. So thanks to FKB her forum family stayed happy and safe from the spamzone.

 

Oh Ace... This story was sooo funny!

And I got to sing! There way no way to make this better xD I loved it <3

 

I'm laughing too much. Well done Ace~

 

Why am I the bad guy again? :x
Why am I killed again? :x

Anyway, every paragraph was very well detailed. 10/10!

 

You are not the main bad guy and you are not killed. Majority chose you for that role.

 

Ah, this was brilliant. Good work, Ace. It made me laugh many, many times.

 

Amazing,once again Ace.
Epicness.
Good work,my darling sticky partner.

 

Sweetness. I'm the main character. XD I spotted misspelling and grammatical errors and other stuff, but I think that's from lack of sleep.

 

Excellent choice this week. Fire does make an awesome Mulan. I found the end was lulzy comment after lulzy comment.

Looking forward to the next one.

I seriously laughed at Misty being Chi-Fu. XD

 

That was really cute. I liked it a lot. xD You portrayed the storyline rather well. It was clear it was based off of Mulan, but it was really funny. Good job with it. ​