This story was created because nobody read my other story-shadows revenge....darnit.nobody likes mine.so let me try again! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Prologue, part 1 Atlantica: King Triton was sitting at his throne, concerned about everything(which is what kings do) and thinking, and being bored. He leaned his head over on his hand thinking...being concerned...and bored. His subjects were talking, and his daughters and sons were also talking about many things. So now King Triton moves his thinking, concerning, and boredom to his sons and daughters. He thought about Ariel, how she always gets into trouble, which he never gets bored of getting her out of trouble. Something was missing.....Ariel. Angrily, he hoped that she was just somewhere else. He searched and searched, calling her name. He swam around the castle, and through it, hoping to find her, with sebastian and flounder following him, not saying a word to make his heart drop. Flounder was getting really scared, and Sebastian was holding his head in his claws. So now he decided to go away from the kingdom. They swam on, hoping to find her. Now, all of them were calling her name. Deep in the kings heart, he knew he only wanted her safety, not to make her feel sad about him ruining her dreams. The next series of events were quite horrible, and I'm guessing you all want to read on, with curiosity. They all swam through a valley, with no exits, only the entrance, and the other side. Jetsam swam behind them, with a large group of black creatures that looked like sharks, with red eyes and tentacles flowing around their backs.They had large teeth, which were jet-black. "You!"Boomed King Triton."Wheres my daughter?How come you are still alive!Didn't the key bearer destroy you!And the heartle-" "So many questions.."Jetsam croaked. Flotsam swam in front of them, with another large group of hearless. Sebastian and Flounder huddled behind the king, he bared his triton, furious. The triton started glowing, and he attacked wave after wave of heartless, a never ending flow of them that never ended. "Well, deary, I think that I could answer those questions....when I'm ruler of the sea!" Yelled a voice that could only belong to Ursula, which it did. "You!" Triton yelled."Didn't the keybearer defeat you!?Why do you always show up!?" "With this sweet-hearts help." she responded, and a figure in a black coat inside a shere-like shape floated down. "Wheres my daughter?" Triton yelled. "She's here." The figure yelled. A large ice block slammed straight down, knocking some heartless,and inside was a figure,which was Ariel. The trio gasped. The cloaked man took that distraction and swung out a large shield, slamming King Triton. His weapon fell from his hands, and the figure caught it, throwing it to Ursula. She aimed it at the ice block. "Give up your crown, and she'll be away from that prison." The black cloaked figure said."And, if you don't, you and your precious daughter will die, and it will be a no-win-win end for you." "Oh no mon!" Sebastian yelled when a heartless attacked him. "Help us!" Flounder cried when a heartless attacked him. King Triton was still on the floor."Ariel." he moaned. "Thats an answer."the cloaked man said. A heartless grabbed the crown of the king and placed it on Ursula. Ursula slammed the ice block, and Ariel floated, uncauntious, beside the king. Sebastian and Flounder were also placed there. "Nighty night!" Ursula cackled. The cloaked person sent out a ray of ice onto them. "You said-" King Triton started. "That she'll be free from that prison, but now I put you all into this one!" Key blade bearer,King Triton thought. Help us! The figure, when the companions were frozen, rose his arms, and blackness filled through him. Ariel, King Triton, Sebastion, and Flounder apeared before the heartless. "There, if that brat with the key comes, these will surely trick him." The figure said. ================================================== ============= Prologue, part 2 Land of Dragons: Mulan and Shang Li were talking in the courtyard, both together, laughing about things. It was the celebration of The New Year, and all of the guards had a break. In Captain Shang Li's mind he thought, I just hope she's thinking about me. But in Mulans mind she was thinking about Sora, Donald and Goofy.So she asked Shang if they would come. "Of course-"Shang Li started. but he was cut off by a black cloaked person. "Would you just stop flirting and get to the throne room?" The figure said. Shang Li was angry for the interruption, he almost had her. The couple looked around and spotted the person. The figure was in a black coat, and he stood on the rooftop. Mulan glared."Its that spy!" "A spy? As if!" The figure called, disapearing through darkness. "Somethings wrong!" Shang Li yelled, running away to the throne room. Mulan understood. The enemies had picked the perfect day to strike. A holiday, when everyones guard was down. She unsheathed her sword, and followed the captain through the halls. Dark creatures apeared. They wore broken, rusted armour, had two black blades which floated around there hands, and their bodies curved around, with sharp feet. Whats more, they had a long opening through there torso. The two soldiers ran fast to the throne room, and saw lots of guests and soldiers being attacked by them. They continued to apear, more and more, but the two agile souldiers slashed through them, making them disapear. At last the two got to the throne room. They saw the same person in the black coat, holding a purple weapon at the emperers neck-with Shan-Yu at the other side, with his sword at the emperers neck. "Now you'll bow to me!" He cackled. More creatures apeared in the throne room,with a raid of Huns running in, with the creatures shutting the door. "Give me the sword."The cloaked figure yelled. "No."The emperer said, not scared at all with the two weapons at him."The sword I gave you is the key for Sora and his friends to pass through this world." "Be quiet slave!"Shan yu yelled. Sora. Please!Come!Mulan thought. The figure did something with his weapon, it clicked, and the emperer fell down, with his eyes closed. "Emperer!"Mulan yelled. The black figure shot the two companions, which they both fell to the floor. "There. You are the emperer now." The figure said, grabbing Mulans sword.He threw it to Shan Yu. Three figures apeared before Shan Yu.It was Mulan, the captain, and the emperer. "This oughta stop these traitors." ================================================== ============== Prologue, part 3 Olympus Coliseum: Hercules swung around the large beast, which made the creature feel awfully dizzy, and herc slammed it against the wall. The crowd went wild. Hades apeared."Hello wonderboy." "What do you want now?" Herc yelled, punching Hades in the face, but he only missed since Hades was behind him. "Oh."That. Right."Hades responded, snapping his fingers. The beast flinched, and got up. The crowd wasnt sure what was happening. The large monster turned to ash. It had large red horns, with yellow eyes.It was muscular, with large fins jutting out of his arms. The ashes broke, creating five of the same monster.The monsters jumped, crashing through the stands. People screamed, and ran. Herc jumped into action attacking the creatures. "So.what are you going to do.Meg is over here, and you'll have to save her,first."Hades said,"Oh yes.She had a date with the underworld, but got lost in the process." "Shes in there."A cloaked man said. A hole with grey fire spurting out apeared. Hercules didn't know what to do. He saw all of the people yelling, screaming, running away. Sora. He thought. Help me! Hercules jumped in. The hole closed. "What a joke."The cloaked man said, as he heard Hercules yelling in pain."We tricked them all." The black coated figure raised his hands, and shadows filled his fingers, streaming out, filling the ground. Three figures apeared.Meg, Hercules, and Phil. "That oughta stop the light bearers-and lead them to failure."The black cloaked figure said. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 1 The letter of King Mickey. Dear Sora, Riku, and Kairi I hope this is not a problem.Something has turned up.I cannot say anymore since this might go into the wrong hands, but i will explain everything at the castle.Please travel to my castle immediately! signed, THE KING Sora smiled. Riku looked at him, puzzled. "Why are you smiling?" Sora looked at his two best friends. "Its a new adventure!" "Whats so great about that?"Kairi asked. "Cause this time, Im with my two best friends!"Sora said, putting his hand out. "You sap!"Riku said, putting his hand on Soras. Kairi finished it with her hand on top of theres. =============================================================== Chapter 1 part 2 Timeless river What could anyone explain?If you could, all you could say that this was only filled with blackness.Yes, we know this world is the Timeless river, thats black and white, but it was filled with heartless. Millions and millions of them. Mickey was walking on a trail, and he spotted the heatless.He ran in the other direction, shocked. Pete was piloting his steamboat, and he too,spotted the heartless. "What do you punks want? Scram!"He yelled,putting his black furry fists into fighting position. The creatures jumped onto his steamboat, and the only thing you could see was Pete flying off into the grey water. A black coated figure walked over to the cornerstone of light, and the sphere-like ball blackened, like a storm cloud inside it. The villain walked slowly through the black and white forest, and the trees transformed into strange tall logs, which had faces on them. The black coated figure raised his hands, and Mickey and Pete apearing before the mischief.
....first off, its Resurrection, not resurection. You've asked me to critique it so here I go. The first paragraph alone really turned me off of this. You repeat the same sentence a number of times and it really made me want to quit reading. you have a number of spelling errors Names should be capitalized you use. Way to many. Sentence frag. Ments. EVERYWHERE. Try to combine them into a flowing well worded paragraph. Also as soon as you end a sentence, there aren't any spaces seperating them. I'd recommend you use the MLA format. Explain details. Nothing can make or break a story better than the amount of detail you supply for the reader. Give your characters character, make them so that readers can relate. Just because no one started to read your other story doesn't mean that you should just automatically give up. It takes time when a new thread appears for people to get interested in them.
