The Difference Between Love and Infatuation

This was inspired from something a friend had said before...causing me to wonder: what truly is the difference between love and infatuation?

I know that love is something that would have you respecting and trusting your loved one, almost as if with your life...but being sensible and knowing all the reasons for why you do love him/her. Infatuation, on the other hand, always appears brief, and sometimes, quite foolish/reckless.

However, how do you tell whether what you're truly feeling at the moment is love (or an attraction of some sort), or just infatuation?

 

Love is when you want to be with someone, infatuation is when you want to shag someone. Easiest definition I can give.

 

I think you'll feel the difference if you experience it yourself and give it enough though.

 

I would say the main difference is that when you are in love with someone, you want to be with that person and have that person in your life to do other things with than just enjoy the 5 senses with. When infatuated you want to see the person, smell the person, touch the person, hear the person etc. It's like a drug to you to be around this person and exposed to the hormonal changes that it brings to you. Sometimes with infatuation, you also make the person seem larger than life, as in the person is some kind of savior to you, the person is so beautiful or handsome, the person can do no wrong, etc. With infatuation as well, it is an obsession and something you would be all in a panic over losing. You get jealous a lot easier and mistrusting of others.

When in love with someone, you enjoy those hormonal changes but you also want to be the person's friend and you want to know the person inside and out. You ask questions about the person, you see the person's flaws and accept them for what they are and don't try to cover them with 'oh, but I loooooooove that person any way!' You can argue with the person, debate, and yet you both forgive and move on. The person becomes your best friend and you trust that person with secrets but aren't naive about it. You don't also give the person attributes they don't have but see them as cool as they are and know that you and that person both can improve as the future goes on. Lastly, I'd say you are truly in love with someone when you can see yourself with that person 50+ years from now and not be like 'ewww, he/she will be old and wrinkly then'.

 

Might be the easiest definition that you can give, but I disagree with it xD or do not ever want to sleep with the ones you "love"?

IMO Love is when you can't stop thinking about someone, they make you feel safe and they make you feel like there is nothing else in the world. Love is more than just wanting to be with someone, it is never wanting to be without them.

Infatuation is based on desire, but there is more to it than that, it isn't just about physicalness. You can be infatuated with someone's mind too. Infatuation is an obsession.

Too often nowdays, infatuation is mistaken for love. The way that I know it is Love is simple.

If you have to ask whether it is Love, then it isn't xD when it is Love you KNOW without needing to question it.

/hopeless romantic post :sweatdrop:​

 

Well, im not saying that you dont want to sleep with people you love, but being infatuated with the a person generally means that thats it.

 

I am glad that you used "generally" there because otherwise I would have to disagree with you xD

Infatuation isn't just about wanting to sleep with someone.

What Repliku said is very true, it does become like an addiction, you want them and want no-one else to have them. Yet it can also be the same way over small things such as they want more of your attention, they want to be in your focus, not just in your pants :P

I think you see infatuation the way that I view Lust. Lust is about the physical desire of someone, but infatuation goes much deeper than that. IMO anyway.​

 

I gotta agree with CTR. Love, I think, manifests itself truly when you encounter a situation when you have to decide between what you want and what they want. If you truly love someone, you will do everything in your power to keep them happy. Infatuation, on the other hand, always wants its own way. It usually lasts temperarily, and does not care much about the actual person.

I'm a Christian, so if you find the time, find someone else who is a Christian(or look online for the bible) and ask them to explain to you love as pertaining to 1 Corinthians 13. This represents my thoughts on love.

 

I feel compelled to bring up another point that I am not sure if we see eye to eye on and perhaps you'd want to respond to, well a couple issues any way. A couple responses on what 'love' is to me sounded as though they were still an obsession. Maybe I'm a cynic. Bear with me here because I don't disagree all the way but just want to point something out that bugs me on it.

I suppose the 'I'd do anything for their love" thing just turns me to thinking it isn't real love. Of course, you want to do things that make the other person happy but you also have to think of yourself and others too. Then again, I will absolutely not profess to be a romantic except for doing things that I know someone would like and to stop doing annoying habits if I can. I'm true to self and true to the other person, I give but I also take. That to me is more 'real' than what is being described here because in reality you want to be happy and want the other person to be happy. It is not just about you making someone else happy all the time. Otherwise it's not true either and the other person will likely get bored with it and some people heavily take advantage of this weakness and leave the other high and dry. I hope that doesn't come off as selfish, but I do see too many great people put their hearts on their sleeves and then get burned because that feeling alters as things go on and the relationship matures.

The other thing I forgot to add is Love for a relationship is mutual. It is a give and take thing. It is a receiving and sharing thing between two people. Infatuation is an obsession that the other person you want may not even feel towards you. MANY romantic sorts have argued that point with me that you can love someone and they don't love you. They expect someone else will grow and change to love them. Sure, you can, but it's never going to evolve past that if it is unknown and therefore not a feeling that's going anywhere. It's empty and time to move on to someone that will share his/her existence with you. Even if someone is having sex with you, if the feelings aren't there beyond that on the other person's side, it's not going to work out and it's time to call it quits.

I will agree with Wabba that generally speaking, infatuated people are thinking of sex, but not that alone. As I said before, I think it's more the experience of the 5 senses to the maximum with that person desired, which doesn't always have to be sex. It can be holding the person, touching the person, wanting the person there to do things with such as listen to you, making you feel good. It is a 'for self advancement' thing really. Sex is the ultimate experience of the 5 senses in a way but without the love in it, that gets boring with that person too.

 

This topic is far too complex to really get into to nitpick, and just has an exhausting amount of elements to discuss. I'll keep it short:

Love is to commitment as infatuation is to self-gratification.

In other words: Love involves thinking about others. Infatuation involves thinking only about yourself.

 

Deja Vu?

Anyway Love is learned over time. It begins with infatuation but isn't necessarily guaranteed.

 

Love is when you are willing to commit yourself to a person that you are with and are willing to sacrifice your wants for their needs. Love is being able to look beyond a person's faults and see their needs. That is what TRUE love is. A love that goes WAY beyond romance.

For me, there are different types of love. Greek words for love have about four different meanings.

These are the ones I know.

Eros: This is sexual and "romantic love". What we misguidedly define as true love and the foundation of a marriage. This love is why I'm not particularly against arranged marriages. some arranged marriages tend to put this on hold for a while. As romance is not a basis for true love. If it is, then that is just your **** or hormones talking. IMO

Philia: Means friendship love. Between family and friends. Your homie.

Storge: Basically fondness through familiarity. Arranged marriages usually tend to have this type of love. Like a best bud who you like or love but you know about their faults and things about them that irritate you. Same with him/her. But you have known each other for a while and are generally good friends or spouses.

Agape: The BEST love out of the four. This is the love that marriage should be ALWAYS based on. This love is self-sacrificial love. The willingness to love someone unconditionally. The willingness to sacrifice your wants for someone else's needs. The ability to look beyond one's faults and see their needs. This is the love that Christianity and the love of Christ is. Caring regardless of circumstance. But be careful not to flaunt and warp this love.

I want my relationship with my future wife to be a 1/4's mixture of all of these loves.

 

Quickly before this topic dies, I am going to get my small post in.

Does it have to be Romatic love to be love? Is there also family love? Also what about just-friends love? Do you consider that "love" or "friendship"?

If your friend is only considered friendship, then what about adopted family? If my family adopts a kid my age, and form a close bond with him, is it called friendship or love? If love, then why not use that for normal friends?

Edit: hey Gritz, what you just said reminds me a lot of what I read in this fiction book by Bruce Coville. Have you read that too?

 

That's an interesting question because love is a part of infatuation. It's just to foolishly love, right?

 

No, I can't say I have. I'm talking of a book by C.S. Lewis. It's called "The Four Loves."

 

I consider that the friends I truly care about and family caring as well to be 'love' as well. The only real differences are the 'extra' feelings that go with sharing sex with someone else which is what makes 'relationship' love different. I think with all of these types of love there is a commitment attached to it and an understanding that you will put up with more crap from them because at the same time you and those other people care for each other deeply and meaningfully. The base emotion of love is there in parental love, sibling love, paternal/maternal love, true friendship love etc. Just we add extra depth that separates them such as parental love, you love your parents because they are that and provide for you, give you things and teach you how to survive. Sibling love is that you protect each other, watch over each other and do things together and can tell each other secrets etc. Paternal/Maternal love is loving your children and taking care of them, etc. Friendship love is feeling that friend is very close to you and although not related by blood, they might as well be and sometimes they can be more trustworthy when siblings are ornery. So, really, love to me exists on all these levels and it just depends where that love is aimed at for how it will be.

People can be dumb with any kind of 'love' really. Think about how hurt we could be when we were growing up and someone would say he/she is your best friend one day and the next is off with someone else. It kind of hurts. I would even say there could be an obsessive love with the other forms of love too. People have 'fought' over friends to keep them, fought with siblings and parents etc to get attention and keep the 'feeling' alive, and some people fake connections to others just to believe it's there.

It was a very good point to bring up because a lot of people, especially when they get in a relationship, try to downplay how important these other types of 'love' are and to me they are equally important. Just because someone you know for a month or year is having sex with you, shouldn't make you forget these other people or even place them as so much more important. Life just feels more complete if you can have each of those elements in your life and some balance. Also, I definitely consider adopted parents to be pretty 'real' parents when it comes to loving them as being in that place. After all, anyone can 'have' a baby unless there's some health risk. It takes a lot more to raise a kid effectively.

 

I find love to be something that makes you actually care and feel emotion for another person. Generally, for instance, you would sacrifice your life for them, or do anything they want without thinking all because you care and respect them so much.

Infatuation, though I've never really experienced it much, is more like instant-gratification, as Soushirei put it. It's an idea that you want to come true just for yourself, without concern of the other person's feelings. A completely physical, instinctive attraction, if you will.

 

Love is a bond that is formed by friendship... It doesn't mean you would have
a relationship with them it just means you share a close bond....
It has nothing to do with lust...

 

You don't know what it feels like to be in love until you actually are, so it's hard to tell if you are or not when you really like someone. It depends on the person, I'd say. Love is truly caring about someone, willing to sacrifice something for them, and wanting to see them when they're not close to you. Love could be defined by many things. Only you know if you really are in love with a person or not, no matter what you tell yourself.​

 

infuation is also known as love at first sight, you don't know very much about them and you get attracted only to their body cause of your hormones.

Love take's more time, it is getting to know a person, and them knowing you. Not about attraction to the body.

For example if you were in love, you would have to be in love with somthing of their personality. Like you like for her spunkie attitude, or she like him for helping others who were mean to him. that type of stuff. you see a personality you would like in a soul mate. then you could call it love.

But there are different types of love of course