The Crimson Moon

This is my first Fanfic I have ever made, and also Im an 11 year old, so dont criticism too hard okay?

It was a dark moonlit night as Faith watched the moon shine, she was sat on a bench of a school she lived near to; she closed her eyes and was about to fall asleep unnoticed until she herd a strange sound coming a close distance away. her eyes suddenly snapped open to see where the sound was coming from then she sore a man in a black cloak that looked exactly like the Organization XIII one, the man was looking straight at her. Faith stood up so she can run away but the man suddenly ran towards her and grabbed her arm then disabling her to move, he then put his other hand on her opposite shoulder, she felt a surge of something she had never felt before, she then gave a loud shout in fright as she fell unconscious to the floor tranquilized. To be continued.

This is set when Faith still had a heart.
Notice: I will ask you if you want to be apart of this.

 

Nice Demyxfan. I bet I'm a bigger Demyx fan though! Grrr, fight to the death!
*Starts slappy fight*

 

*slappys back* Thanks! and Im a bigger fan of Demyx!

Edit: I need more coments!><

 

you said she closed her eyes then in the next sentence you said she opened her eyes, in stead of she opened her eyes try saying her eyes snapped open, it sounds a little choppy the other way. but what do i know, im only 12 ^.^

 

Thanks for the tip!:) I have changed the part that you ponted out that sonds off.