The advent of apocalypse...

Dear Weaboo,

No. Go back to Japan.

Failing at Life,
The Human Race

Dear Black Holes

Don't destroy my planet. That is Mr. The Apocalypse's job. Thanks.

Sincerely,
The Human Race

 

Dear Human Race,
CC: Government

Heads up on that particle collider.

Signed,
The Black Holes of the Universe

 

Dear Mr. Holes,

That's the idea. It's all a conspiracy.

Signed,
The Government

 

Dear Black Holes,

You mean my toy? The Large Hadron Collider? My ass of a brain thought that up. Now it's going to make me commit suicide.

Annoyed Once More,
The Human Race

 

Dear Mr. Race,

I've come back from putting ornaments on my Christmas tree. Two of them were a Pikachu and a Squirtle. How does that make you feel?

Merry Christmas,
The Otaku

 

Dear Japanese Fanatic,

Half of me wants to burn your tree, half of me wants to hug it, and half of me does not care.

Merry Christmas,
The Human Race

 

Dear Mr. Race,

That is three halves.

Signed,
The Government

 

Dear Mr. Race,

Your last letter does not make sense because there are only two halves of a whole.

Smartassly,
The Otaku

 

Dear Someone,

I'm still dead.

Please bring me back to life.

Sincerely,
Kid Hero

P.S.
._.

 

Dear Government,

...

Said,
The Mime

 

Dear Fools,

I'm an idiot. Duh.

Dumbassly-ish-ness,
The Human Race

 

Dear Mr. Race,

How come Kong won in King Kong vs. Godzilla? Kong got killed by airplanes, but Goji can't even be killed by his mecha-twin without help from two oversized caterpillars.

Interrogatively,
The Otaku

 

Dear Human Race,

...?

Said,
The Mimes

 

Dear Anime Guy,

Kong is a giant ape. Godzilla is just some oversized Tyranitar. It would be obvious who would win.

Replying in Defense,
The Human Race

Dear Makeup-wearing Mutes,

I can't hear you. That means I hate you.

Drinking Apple Juice,
The Human Race

 

Dear Mr. Race,

Kong is just a giant ape. He's not even taller than the Empire State Building. Godzilla is taller than the entire city of Tokyo and can breath radioactive flame.

Replying in Defense,
The Otaku

 

Dear Godzilla Lover,

Godzilla still sucks because my opinion is superior.

Snobbishly,
The Human Race

 

Dear Mr. Otaku,

That is because, unlike Kong, Godzilla is fictional.

Signed,
The Government

 

Dear Mentally-challenged Higher-Ups,

Stop hiding things from me. It's mean. You're mean.

Meanie.

Sobbing in a corner,
The Human Race

 

Dear Gov.,

I would like to see proof of Kong before I believe your sh*t. Besides the best oxymoron is Government Organization.

Cheekly,
The Otaku

 

Dear Mr. Otaku,

There is no threat as of now to release evidence of Kong.

Signed,
The Government