Lala.Sing with me.I know we been in alot of fights.I know what i did.I'm sorry about it.I wish it never happned.But i guess it faith taking us to our destiny.Sing with me.Lala.Tell me everything is going to be ok.Tell me that thieir no mistake .I know this world is not the best but there is a way to fix it.I don't know how.But i know we will find a way how. My mom always told me fight your own fight.Never come crying.So i lived by that rule and look where it gotta me.I been crying.I lost everything.I lost my best friend.I miss my family ohhh.I feel like i'm not love.I feel like their no tommrow. Every song i made was never good enough.They just look at the spelling in it.So i gave up on it.He told me it not the spelling.It the words in the song.But still nobody cared.So here i am now.So here i am now.Somebody tell me Ya i know it sucks.Just tell me what i did't do right and i'll fix.There have to be like 40 mistake:( Hoped you liked it..i guess
You wanted it green? :D There were a little bit of mistakes but, I corrected them for you <3 It was very good. Sad but I loved it!
It was indeed interesting. It reminds me of a stream of conciousness. I think I'd actually call it that instead. Though if you want to write a poem, per se, you should create verses and not just write the line out. Like this, You know what I mean? That was it won't be as cluttered as it might come off now. And no mod should remove this, because poetry is abstract ;) My saying that sort of anulls what I just mentioned :p But anyway, keep em coming.
Not broken I can't make a song.No i can't Are you happy. Are you smiling. You broken me. I know. I can't get up. Cuz if i do. You will push me down. I use to fight. Now i'm on my knees. And crying. Look at me. And i'm broken Are you happy? Are you smiling? Why did you want to break me. Oh why? I'm gonna tell you. I;m not broken no. Oh no. My best friend lied to me. I lived to that. My family is aprat! I'm living in it I'm not broken ohh no. I'm not broken. And i know my friends. Will smile at this. And i know in time. Everybody will know my name. And in time. They will want to break me. But i'll say... I am.. Unbreakable Tell me what i did't spell right and i'll fix it:action-smiley-057::ff10sora::poke::crashcomp: :D Have a nice day!
Well, you've done it again! Another great and powerful work. This one seems more powerful in lyrics than your last ones. Good job. Can't wait for more!
Very nicely done. It appears that the lyrics really pop out on this one, which is good, as it gives 'em a little more action.
I agree with Buster that the second poem was a bit more powerful. To be honest, it actually reminded me of Sara Barielles' Love Song. xD Anyway, there were some words that I noticed weren't exactly the words you may have meant for them to be. I think you may have meant through there. And there were some misspellings here and there, which could be solved by a spell checker. Other than that, I like what you've been writing so far and I look forward to seeing future updates. c:
