Chapter One Part One of Two I rested my head on the window pane, looking out into the rainy night. Little water droplets flew from the clouds and crashed onto the ground, breaking up into hundreds of pieces. The sun had just set, although you can still see the pink and orange mixing like paint in the black sky. A scenery this beautiful can only last for a moment. Just as I had seen it, the midnight sky engulfed the pink and orange and took control of the stormy sky. I traced my fingers to the water on my window. When the droplets merged with others, and slid to the bottom of my window, I traced the steady fall until it completely vanished. When I was little I would like to think that when it rained, the Angels started to cry. When it stormed, the Gods were enraged. That was until first grade. At times, you would still catch me thinking about it though. "Ronnie! Dinner's ready!" My mother called from the bottom of the stairs. I could already hear my pesky brothers' foot steps as he ran from his room, down the stairs and into the dining room. I let out a cold sigh and looked up from the window, black hair fell in my face and I pushed it back, running a frustrated hand through my locks. I never really left my room, unless it was to shower or leave for school, since my father had died. He was my world, my life. I had looked up to that man since my mother had left us alone when she decided to cheat on him while he was at work! Everything he did for her and thats how she repays him! I slammed my black painted fingernailed fist against my creme colored walls. I gritted my teeth through my clenched jaw. Spitting cruel and hurtful words out unto deaf ears. Even to this day my mother sickens me. My father never did a thing to her but loved her passionately. He didn't yell at her, or beat her, or treat her like she was nothing. He acted as if she were his queen. Sending her a full vase of flowers to her work. Bringing her presents everytime he had a little extra money. Giving her everything she needed! While she was on top of some other guy in some other house that wasn't her own. I tried not to trash and break everything in my room again. My mother was sick of replacing things for me that I had broken over anger. It doesn't really matter to her now. When my father perished, she recieved all the money he had put under her name in his will. Thousands of dollars. After everything she did, my father still reigned on her like she was his life. Now that hes gone, I just don't see why she even sticks around. She doesn't care for me and my brother, Jacob. She never really bothered with us. Not until she got the money. Then its like shes Mother of the World. Its like shes the evil step-mother I never had. Chapter One Part Two of Two I dragged myself dowstairs and let out a soft sigh. "Finally you get your lazy butt of out bed." My mother said in a stern voice. Obviously to be funny. I looked at her and smiled sarcastically, rolling my eyes. Its not that I was just being a jerk just to be a jerk. At times, my mother was really a good person to be with, but when she had already ruined my day this morning before I went to school, she just got checked off my mental list for people who I actually want to talk to. Although that list is always short. Maybe I'm just too strict on what I expect from people. I have a right to do that. Its my decision who I want to communicate with, and I have all the right to be strict. I sat at our small, round kitchen table. I looked down at the steaming hot hamburger on my plate. I scrunched my nose and gently pushed it away, choosing my side salad instead. "Ronnie, eat your hamburger." My mother barked, taking a fork and knife and cut into her cheeseburger. "No thank you. I'm good with just a salad." I chimed with a spark of an attitude. "Veronica, you are not wasting this meal!" A stern tone made me realize that she was serious. "Karen, I said 'No thank you'." Clenching my jaw, I glared up at her through my black bangs. My mother slammed her silver-ware on the table and stood up. "Veronica Ezabelle Darks! I will not tolerate that language and tone!" "Well excuse me that you weren't there to raise me!" I hollared back, standing and bending over the table to get into her face. "Its not my fault that you neglected to be there for me or Jacob!" "I still thought about you guys all the time!" "Yea?" I smiled tauntingly. "I bet we didn't cross your mind when you were riding some other guy." My mother looked at me through enraged brown eyes. I felt a sudden sting on my right cheek. I looked up at my mother and angered and hurt tears almost trickled down my icy-cold, blue eyes. I put a hand on my cheek. She hit me. For the first time in my life, my mother actually hit me. For the first time of my existence I was struck by a hand. I looked down and clenched my fists on the tables edge. I cussed and pushed the table over. I ran up stairs, slammed my doors and locked it. 'Dad,' I whimpered. 'I miss you.' I curled up in my Jack Skellington blanket, and for the first time, I actually cried.
For the most part, your writing is quite well. There are two things bothering me though, the length of the chapters and a bit of your grammar. I have the tendency to make really short chapters as well and it can be kind of difficult to make a longer chapter. If this is the case with you, possibly make notes about what you want your next chapter to be about and such. I started doing this recently and it's helped me in keeping detail and on what exactly I want that certain chapter to be about. I've noticed you use a lot of "its" and "shes" and such. I noticed you do it at the end of the first chapter and continue it with the second. Unless you're saying something belongs to another object, then you need to place an apostrophe. "It's" And with "shes" it's just not grammatically correct. "She's" "Your" I'm assuming that just must have been a simple typo mistake. Should be "have." I'm a little confused here. Who exactly said the second part? I'm assuming it must have been your character. It just looks like you must have missed the mother saying a retort. I've noticed a couple of sentences are a little on the short side so don't be afraid to use semi-colon(";") in between sentences. It helps a lot. Keep it up. :]
Yes, I have noticed how my first chapter is short. I've even noticed in my writing how the firsy chapter I write is always the shortest. As for the typos, I apologize for that. I thoughy I caught them all when I re-read through them. I plan to make notes. As I am working on it now. I wrote this off hand. No thinkin was really involved when I wrote this out. I tried to stay simple yet have the reader be taken in. Normally I tend to grt carried away and will eithet go ahead or just jump all over the place. I am simply working on this now. Thanks for your feedback. Gives me somehing to improve on.
