Here's the thing: currently I am going through a whole heap of major exams, and I've kept a positive mentality about them, knowing that I can only do my best blah blah, but I keep getting this feeling that is literally nausiating: what if my best isnt good enough? The way my teachers describe these exams is pretty much like "you will be given a number that will determine your fate, your job, and generally the rest of your life." Now I know that's far-fetched. That's not bothering me. What is bothering me is the pressure that I'm getting from the people around me to do well. My goal is to get an overall mark of at least 80, which is possible, but lately I'm feeling like I would barely scrape a 60, and that scares me. I also have one of those really annoying friends who almost cried because she only got 90 on a test that I got 62 on, and she expects sympathy from me. We do the same subjects, so I always feel like Im competing with her and because some of her marks are SO much higher than mine, I feel kinda...dumb. To be honest, I hate talking to her about my exams because she's always like 'I didn't study! I'm going to fail so hard!' And I agree with her, until we get the tests back and she gets 24/25 and I get 16, and she cries. Its kinda hard to expect sympathy from someone you're beating by so much, don't you think? The other thing is my parents, my mother especially. She's scaring me out of my study breaks, saying stuff like "every minute you dont study is another mark you lose." and stuff like that. I went to go study a few hours ago because I have an exam tomorrow morning, and I literally broke down on the realisation that I didnt know anything. It just seems like my anxieties are kicking in again. Suddenly there is so much pressure on me to do better than my best, suddenly there is so much pressure from everyone else and people who make me feel like I absolutely cannot do anything. Its gotten to the point where I've lost my motivation to study, and its not usual procrastination, it is LITERALLY accepting that I am a dumb f*ck and I will never be good enough. I dunno, suddenly I'm just not ok...help?
Well, the main thing here is to believe that you can do it. I have friend's who are similar to your friend and what they do is shocking really, she really needs to learn that she's making you feel bad and to butt out when she did really well. For what you can do: ignore her. You aren't the same as her and so you can;t compare yourself to her, it's like comparing an orange to an apple- both fruits but what they're made of and how they got to be like that are completely different. Exam stress is very common and inevitable so it's learnnig to deal with it. First of all, try talking to your mum telling her that what she is saying is not helping, it's demotivating you and stressing you out. I'm guessing that the fact these tests are "LIFE-DETERMINING AHH!" was drummed into your head and I'm sure that is in some way contributing to it, if it was a normal test then stress levels wouldn't be so high so if you can knock the idea that they're important out of your head then you can focus more. You aren't useless and you can pass and get what you need as long as you keep a positive mentality. I'm sure you may have heard the phrase "You can do it if you believe in yourself" and there is a lot of truth behind that even if it does sound cheesy. If you start feeling positively about this entire situation then it will motivate you which I'm sure you realise. Getting a positive attitude can be difficult but it's not impossible. First of all you need to whipe away any thoughts like "I can't do it", "I'm useless" when they pop into your head- don't even think about them. Also, don't think about how much you have to do, the best way to demotivate yourself while working is to look at how much more you have to do- procrastination sets in and it wastes time so don't think about that. Make sure to manage your time, give yourself a break but make sure you are doing enough revision each day- make yourself a revision timetable or just organise what you have to do in some way as it makes sure you cover everything you have to know as well as making it fair on yourself anf optimising learning abilities. Make sure to eat as that feeds brain power (sometimes when I'm stressed and have important exams I don't each which weakens my performance so I always make sure to do it). If you give yourself a reasonable amount to do each day then you should be fine. But you must believe that you can pass- you even said it was possible so don't let anxieties wriggle their way in. An idea can be very infectious and very deadly and this idea of "I'm not good enough" is poisoning the rest of you mind so if you can remove it and replace it with more positive thoughts then you can do it. One way of motivating yourself should be looking at past achievememts, even if they are small, so you can prove to yourself that you can achieve things andan 80 is not out of your reach. Don't be scared, you should give yourself a way to relax, don't full on cram everything in the night before (unless that is how you learn best) but make sure to keep yourself attentive. Also, you will be surprised at what you do know- you may have just looked at certain bits you don't know so well and exaggerated that thought onto the rest of the information. You had that idea before you began revising which meant the first thing you looked upon that you didn't know would make you worry. I could be wrong about this, I am just speculating as this is what happens to me. Even if there is little you know then the important thing is to fix that and not mope around- don't think about the limited time you have, just concentrate on understanding and passing- keep that idea in your head, keep imagining yourself passing and it will come true. I hope this helped :3 you aren't the only one but exam anxiety can be horrible and hard to get through but once it's over then you'll feel a lot better, I'm sure ^^
Well, look at it this way : if you realize that "grades determine your life" is a little far-fetched while she beats herself up over an almost perfect score then maybe you' re the wisest one. Besides, her crying over this to you despite your much lower grades should tell you she' s not exactly the brightest bulb in the box either. ^^ The problem with school is that it tends to teach things in a certain way, but the best approach to teach to A might be the worst approach to teach to B. It' s hard to tell whether your grades are lower because you' re dumber, or simply because you think differently. Did you know that the DNA molecule model was not discovered by a scientist ? It was discovered by someone who was playing with molecular models as if they were legos. Some scientists told him which atoms were supposed to be there and in which proportion, and he went with that until one of them, seeing his double helix, exclaimed that was it ! The moral of that story is that ideas and thought process diversity is as vital to our survival as gene diversity. There is no such thing as better, only difference, for more on that (and a damn entertaining read to boot) you could read Empire of the ants. If I was you I would worry more about my self-depreciation issues than about my grades, I think that' s the real issue here.
