Here is something I wrote awhile back. It was for a school project, and that was the last it saw of day. I want to start writing again, so, I figured I should put this out here and see what kind of feedback I get. Constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated, thank you. I want to improve my writing skills as best as I can. On with the story! ~ Music blaring, bodies crashing together, all responsibilities long since forgotten. You casually walk into the room, curious glances cast in your direction. Take a seat at the bar, “Oh hello, long time no talk. How’ve you been?†You don’t grace the speaker with a response, simply gesture with your hand and the savior of your pain is slid your way. Swig it back, straight, and demand another. The bartender gives you a look. He gives you your alcohol anyway. “So, how’re the kids doing?†You stare into your glass dumbfounded, oh yes, the kids. A silence falls between you too, so you simply continue drinking. You shoot a glare in his direction, it shuts him up. He mumbles something, too quiet for you to hear, and continues on with his job. Bad day at work, go to the bar. Argument with your wife, go to the bar. The kid’s cry out, but you can’t hear them anymore. You keep right on drinking. Too many drinks and dozens of cigarettes later, you stumble your way out into the street. The never-ending city lights cast a dance of shadows across the pavement. You look to the sky in wonder. “Aren’t I forgetting something?†You say aloud. Every thought is a blur, and you turn around and stagger back inside. You don’t notice your wallet fall out of your pocket, opening up to display a picture. Your family portrait is forgotten. You don’t remember the family you have at home, the family you’ve left behind. You don’t regard your cell phone buzzing with every missed call, you don’t think of them at all.
Ummm, this seems more poetic for the rymheing but your grammar and spelling was good. The story was . . . realistic, and most people won't go for that. You pulled it off with flying colors. You could work on your format *story structure style* You kind of centered everything. I like your writing style though, the way you choose your words. Keep up the excellent work, can't wait to here *read* more. There it is, I enjoyed it :)
Aw, thank you, I really appreciate it. :) And yeah, with the whole story being centered, I was in a bit of a rush and was more focused on what people would think of the story, rather than the format it was in. Next time, I'll definitely put some effort into it. Thanks again for the feedback, really. :)
