Sora and Riku's story in the world of darkness

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Ven?, Sep 29, 2008.

  1. Ven? Traverse Town Homebody

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2008
    Location:
    ,Indonesia,in Near's hideout
    8
    184
    Okay,so this is my first fan-fic,hope you enjoy it

    -Chapter 1-The world of darkness

    After beating Xemnas, Sora and Riku find themselves in a world Sora doesn't know,Sora:"Riku,where are we?",Riku:"This is the world of darkness",Sora:"So,youv'e been here since after KH1?",Riku:"Basically,yes"
    Sora:"What are we going to do!!!!?!?!??"
    Riku:"Relax,Sora I know all the routes of the darkness"
    After a long time of walking they find themselves in a dark forest
    Sora:"Ummm...Riku where are we?"
    Riku:"ugh...i'm not sure hehehe",grinning
    Sora:"You mean wer'e lost!!!!!
    Riku:"Basically yes"
    Suddenly a bunch of heartless appeared,
    Sora:After this I'm gonna get you!
    Riku:*summons way to dawn*
    Sora:Kingdom key!
    But a weird keyblade appears in sora's hands
    Riku:"Hey,give that back!"
    Sora:"Oops,wrong keyblade"
    Sora:"let me try that again,Kingdom Key!"
    ...Okay,another weird keyblade
    Sora:"What is this?"
    Roxas comes through the portal from darkness
    Roxas:"I gave you that don't you remember?
    Sora:"Hey I thought you died after i beated you?"
    Roxas:"I gave you a key chain and you only remember me dying?!
    Sora"Just explain"
    Roxas:"*Explains*
    Heartless:Man,these humans are really slow...
    Heartless:Yeah,they talk too much,Akh!
    Roxas:Shut up you heartlesses
    Heartless:Hey,how come you understand us?
    Roxas:I dunno Im not the one writing this story
    Neoshadow:"get on with it!"
    Roxas:Okay,okay,sheesh,(summoning oblivion and oathkeeper)
    Sora,Riku,and Roxas fights the heartless..
    Suddenly a strange figure comes,
    Roxas:Marly!?

    Sora:hey I thought you died after i beat you?!
    Marluxia:How should I know?
    Marluxia and Sora dissappeared into a white arena
    Riku:"Now what?"
    Roxas:"He always have to dissappear,doesn't he?,this is so boring"
    Meanwhile in the white arena

    Marluxia's attacks Sora
    Sora:guard!
    Marluxia:"Take this!"
    Sora was pushed backward
    Sora:"I hate fighting you,you use too much flowers,haven't you heard of global warming?!"
    Marluxia:,Whatever,I dont care about your world...

    **********
    tell me about what you think about my story,you can give your opinions....
     
  2. tSG1 Chaser

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2008
    31
    Intresting. Not bad, but make it a bit longer. Also, how does Roxas and Sora simultaneously appear?
     
  3. P E A N U T ~*~Never Surrender~*~

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2008
    Location:
    Stranded.
    81
    Pretty random...but funny at the same time. I liked the part about Roxas not being the writer xD. Try to add more details and stuff and check grammer and all that jazz. And also, sometimes you use quotes, other times you don't. You should be consistent.