Let the rain fall upon a broken spirit, Wasted away by the edge of creation, To see fear within it, Just to find darkest salvation. A heart, to which it hates, Makes one's own life miserable, But, oh so soft, shall the smell of death await, For tis own deeds, that are taking away what is only physical. It shuns, Delivers, It brings tension, And shivers. A heart to which, a second chance needs, A fire in the soul, to where it bleeds. There are Sometimes, when a man must pay, This is no Goodbye, soft, I lay, Not only Is this a place to stay, But I see a demon, that stays at bay, I gave my Second wave today, just to make it past the day, But my Chance is no more... it ended here, by the way.
You've used some good rhyming which makes the whole thing sound rather pleasant when read aloud, despite the dark theme. My only complaint is that you're beating around the bush with what the poem is actually about; vague poems annoy me a lot, although I appreciate there is some fun in solving them. "Tention" should be "tension". This really really doesn't make any sense, it feels like you just put it in so you could have the phrase written downwards.
