Something funny I'd like to share

Hope this is a good section. o.o




Dad and His Son

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Dad."
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.
Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.
Love,
Your Son John
PS. Dad, none of the above is true.

I'm over at Tommy's house. I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer.
I love you.
Call me when it's safe to come home...

 

Yeah, I've heard that one before. Very funny. How about this one:

I had a friend in high school, who hung out with a lot of people who did drugs. He wanted to know what it was like to get high, but he didn't know how many joints to smoke, so he smoked about six or seven joints. I went to his house after school, and I found him in a chair, he was leanin to his right and his legs were tucked up underneath him. He saw me, screamed my name repeatedly. "What?! What's wrong, What?!" I said
"Go get 'em!!" He replied. I said "......get what?!"
My friend apparently saw his legs separate themselves from him and run off without him. I couldn't help but think 'I'm never going to get a chance like this again' so I said "Okay!", ran out into the hallway, and just started laughing my head off. After about 5 min. I came back in, "Dude your legs got run over by a big rig!"
"NOOO!!" He flopped to floor, rolled off to whereever, I didn't see, I was laughing too hard. The next day I wondered if he was in school. As if on cue, I see him coming down the hallway. He looked hammered and had a big bandage covering half of his forehead. He saw me as I was laughing, "Dude that's not funny. You knew I was high!" I replied, "Yep!"

Moral: Don't do drugs. If want to, make sure you see what it does to other people first.

 

Both good. But that's the best:
(select text to read)

Dear Abby,
I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas who has recently been diagnosed
as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth and one of my
sisters, who lives in Pflugerville, is married to a transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and
selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two
sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas.

I have two brothers, one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Huntsville for the
murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail
awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives
in Longview, She is a part time "working girl".

All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her
into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.
Should I tell her about my cousin who
supports Hilary Clinton for President?
Signed,
Worried About My Reputation

:D

 

I think I've heard that one before, but it was more about 'my wife and I are about to open a brothel, but my question is: How do I tell her I'm an OU fan?"