Some poems

so every once in awhile i'll have my deep moments and i come up with some poems, my friends say there good but i dont really believe it, so i thought i'd share one of them on here, and get a couple of people's opinions (that and im extremely bored right now) so here is one of my poems.




"I remember the nights where I would just stare at the stars in the night sky.
All the nights where I felt so alone, the only company I had was every star in the sky.
I stared as far as the eye could see, trying to figure out my purpose in life.
Then I finally met you ♥"

 

I really like that. It's simple yet effective. Be proud of your poetry, your friends are right ^^ Keep it up.

 

thank you, i think i might put some more of my poem for people to see on here ^^

 

I really like this poem,did you make the one in your sig?I like that one too.

 

yes, that was another one of my poems, both of them were directed to my girlfriend on here ^^

 

oh........

 

Told you they are good <3

(he's the best boyfriend ever ^.~)

 

well what i meant by that is basically she inspired me to come up with these, which is why there directed towards her ^^

 

Well, the only thing I think you need improvement on is needless repetition. This is just my opinion, of course. You say night and stars twice, both within two lines. It makes the poem flow a lot less and generally it becomes awkward to the reader. You’re going to want it to flow and feel natural, because I’m guessing that’s your emotion towards your girlfriend, right? Because this style of writing is romantic, without any…obstacles in between the love? And so the feel of the poem should mimic that- not repeat itself, causing the words to drag and become awkward. Just work on using synonyms and more formal, beautiful- but natural, adjectives.

 

ok i'll work on improving that ^^

 

Please don't think I'm being a dick for giving you advice, I know what it's like haha. I'm a Creative Writer at an Art School, and the teachers there always try to rewrite everything for you to make it what they want. Don't think that's what I'm trying to do to you, because it's not. I'm just giving advice on what made some of my poetry better, especially the romantic ones.

 

no your not being a dick, and i really do apreciate the advice, and the more i read over it i realize that your correct it is repetitive, so i'll have to remember that when i write my poems. but i really do apreciate the advice ^_^

haha im gonna blush now lol.
but she just inspires me to do these types of things ^_^