This is getting on my last nerves. I love my sister and all but she's really pissing me off. She spend mostly everyday crying. Reason: He boyfriend. Figures, huh? They are so annoying. They always argue and I don't see why they stay together. I mean, she's always noisy about what he's doing and thinking that he's cheating on her. He always gets mad for the smallest thing like if she doesn't text him back within a minute or less. And now today, he's breaking up with her for the millionth time. She won't stop crying. I'm not being mean either. You see, my sister uses her phone A LOT to talk to him. When the cellphone bill comes, she always goes overboard. Me, on the other hand, hardly uses her phone but I do like to have it. Anyways, my mom finally decided to take her phone away. I was told never to let her use my phone or else mine will be taken away as well. Of course, me being the idiot I am, allow her to use my phone. Eventually, the time has come that my mom discovers today, due to my sister's crys, that I have been letting use it. Not sure if my mom will take it but that pissed me off. Worst of all, she won't stop telling me things about my relationship. As if she knows anything. There was a certain reason why I couldn't talk to my boyfriend that I'd rather not dicuss with her. Point is, I wasn't allowed to speak with him. He had to secretly talk to me. This upset me and so sometimes I got mad when I didn't talk to him. Noticing this, my sister started bithing at me that he wasn't worth it and that I should of told him to **** off. Naturally, I *****ed back. We argue, I give up at a point and walk away. That's one of the biggest issues but there are tons more. I know that this is a typical issues but I don't know what to do anymore. I'm at the end of my roopes. Help me.
Okay, we have the backstory, now you need to isolate the problem you want help with. Is the problem your relationship with your sister, your sister's relationship with her boyfriend or your relationship with yours? As you can see, there are a few issues. They are intertwined, but it would help for you to have a specific goal in mind, e.g. have a better relationship with your sister or get to talk to your boyfriend more. At the moment your post reads like a rant, which is fine for letting off some steam, but a direction is required if you want to achieve something. When you've decided on a firm goal, give some more information relating to it so we get a better idea of what the situation is.
Oh yeah. I thought I had put that in but I think I might of erased it. Anyway, I guess what I'd like to do is either help her out or figure out a way to stay out of it and not get involved with her issues. Or any sugesstion on what others would do. As for there begin other issues, I'd rather not discuss them. It wouldn't be right at all and it personal. But they are really bad is all I can say.
So you want help with your sister's relationship with her boyfriend. You either want to improve it or simply stay out of it entirely. I won't direct you on which you should do. That's not my place. The final choice always has to be up to you. However I can give information and help you choose. Before anything though, you should probably give some more information. How old are you and your sister? Is she younger or older than you? How long has your sister and her boyfriend been together? Has she been in a relationship before? How much contact do they get outside cellphones? What's the age gap between them? Some information about your mother and her actions would also be good. Did she take the phone for financial reasons or for disciplinary reasons? Is she a single mother? Are you male or female? I apologise in advance for these fairly personal questions, but to give aid, the advisers should know as full of a version of the truth as possible.
Oh no no. I'm more than happy to oblige. 1. Me = 18, Her = 19 2. Older. (She acts like a little girl when she's with him) 3. Over a year. 4. Yes (another issue I can add...she gets even meaner in every relationship.) 5. Facebook, Skype, and i don't know what else. (Bugs me also that she keeps taking me laptop from me while I'm using it in order to talk to him) 6. A year or so. 7. Financial mostly. My sister need to pay my mom back the money though. 8. Married again. Not in a very good mood too much. 9. Female.
Okay, you have a choice between getting involved with your sister's problems or isolating yourself from them. As she's an older sister, getting involved could be difficult, especially considering how she's not being particularly sensible. A relationship relying purely on electronic forms of communication doesn't sound healthy, especially when they're getting to the point where they break up if the other doesn't respond quickly. There sounds like there is a does of suspicion in there too and you mentioned that she gets grumpier each relationship. So far I haven't really heard anything positive about them. Fixing them single handedly is a task way out of your league. Also, there's the possibility they like how their relationship is. Drama every day of the week is what some people thrive on, but from what I know, you don't seen to be one of them. So trying to get involved would be very stressful and wouldn't help. So trying to alter their relationship would be too difficult. You could give some words of advice to your sister about trying to find something more stable, but you shouldn't get involved. The other choice is whether to assist as a bystander, or be impartial to the entire venture. If you choose to assist, you go against your mother and only get your sister deeper into the relationship. You also get trouble because your sister hijacks your stuff. You'll get more irritable and possibly lash out at her, as happened before. If you are impartial, you decide that it's an unhealthy relationship and tell her that flat out. You then refuse to assist her in any way, while keeping a cool head. Your sister may attempt to bait you into an argument but as you've said, you usually concede the point, so don't bother fighting in the first place, just refuse. Be civil to her for everything, but refuse to help, due to it being unhealthy, due to it being against your mother's wishes, due to her owing your mother money, etc. This method could damage relations, but it will help you keep what you want and do as you wish. It will mean you no longer have to worry about it. This could be combined with the above idea of giving some words of advice about finding something stable, so you don't come across as heartless. Finally, whatever you do, as you're 18 and she's 19, you shouldn't have to endure it for much longer as one of you is bound to leave the roost.
This is such great advice. Thank you. But there is one issue with me. I can't really tell people no. If I'm asked to borrow something, then I allow it. An awful problem that I'm stuck with. Plus she treatens me a lot. (she knows a few things about me to get her way) Anything I can do about that?
A problem, but not a major one. You simply have to avoid being asked. Avoid her. Lock your room and pretend you're not in there, if that's an option (probably isn't). Spend your time at the library (with your laptop, of course) or at wifi hotspots in cafes. Crash at friends' places. You're 18, so you should be independent to the point where you are able to go to quiet workspaces without your sister trailing you. You'll have to surrender sometimes if you're being blackmailed, but you can avoid the confrontation, as her requests are likely spur-of-the-moment and not planned out. Also, if she has information on you, do not outright refuse. Instead, try to make utilising you as much of a hassle as possible, by being out most of the time, just being 'another five minutes to finish this', having locked screensavers go on five minute intervals while you spend half an hour in the bathroom, etc. That way she doesn't spill, because as soon as she does that, she looses her leverage with you, but she is dissuaded because of the hassles (which should appear accidental). If you don't use your phone, give that up though. No point in fighting when the effort is unneeded. Unfortunately this will possibly bring bad blood between you two, but from what it sounds like, you aren't soulmates. Now I have been awake for well over 24 hours and am going to get less than seven hours sleep. I think I will take my leave. I'll check back here in the morning.
More issues of course. We share a room. She gets mad if I lock the door even if I'm changing. My mom gets pissed at me for being on my laptop all day, so I can't go into another room. As for going out somewhere, my mom doesn't let us out so I can't and if she does, she wouldn't let me take my laptop. As for the batroom thing, that might work but with quite a few people living in my house, I can't do that. I could always change my password and delete her user. I might end up giving up my phone but the thing about that is mainly the fact that my mom gets mad at me, not me losing my phone. That's okay. We're really close. And she has been stupid enough to run away for a week, so I wouldn't miss her too much. Luckily, she's moving out in about a year or less. Okay then. Have a nice sleep.
Slightly more irritating. Avoiding her isn't an option then, I take it. In that case, there are two barriers to you saying no. First and foremost, there is the blackmail. A bit more of an explanation of this would be helpful, as we don't know much about it. The second thing is your own mental block for saying no. To get past it, you've just got to remember that this relationship isn't helping her. All she does is sit around and cry. That's not something you want for your sister, and if her hormones are telling her otherwise, it's your job to step in. You're not being 'mean' or selfish if you refuse, you're doing the best thing for her. Think of it like an addiction. You aren't doing her any favours by giving in. That's all I can say for the mental barrier, the blackmail one requires more information, unfortunately.
I think the management of you and your sisters relationship is the most important thing. That seems to be causing the problems here. The ROOT problem of this I feel like is your sisters relationship issues, because they are causing you troubles in your life (phone, parents, boyfriend, etc). It can be difficult to talk to a sibling because usually they don't want to hear your voice. To combat this, maybe you should speak to your parents about doing something to help your sister (obviously a shrink isn't the best option, so maybe comfort and support would be better from the family). You should also try being blunt and simply stopping her where she stands when she wants something (i.e. cell phone). Say no, and if she wants it she'll have to take it from you. And if she does, it isn't your fault. It seems mean but really it's the only way to help. Sometimes you can only bring order out of chaos.
So much easier said than done. But I guess I'll be willing to try it out. Her threat for me is shutting of the internet. Unfortunately, I can't have that. I'll figure out a way around it. As for talking with my mom, that's not even an option. My mom is the lat person I'd want to talk to because she too has relationship issues.
Shutting off the internet? How so? Is she the one paying for it? Also, what method would she use to 'shut off' the internet? Disconnect it entirely, or just block your devices?
