My brain says that it won’t work, Yet my heart says it will. My mind says she’s crazy, But my feelings say she is misunderstood. My mind and heart remember the good times we had And the bad times we had. My friends says that she is nuts, But that still doesn’t sway my heart. My mind says that my beliefs would shatter any chance of a new start, But my heart says that beliefs can be changed over time. If I give her a second chance then I might regret it, Or I may love it. I could be walking into a snare, But my heart ceases to care. Should I dive and hope for the best, Or should I stay out of the pool and avoid a possible threat? Some cnc and advice would be nice
I really like the idea you had here with the constant changing of feelings between your mind and your heart. I guess the one thing I would work on is metaphors, similes, etc. since you dont use too many of them and overall it makes the poem appear flat/with out feeling. Good start though! I'd like to read more of your poems.
Similes and metaphors, wow I can't beleive I forgot to put some of those in their. :B|: Thanks for the CnC. :]
I like the sort of repitition in this poem. The generic idea of making a decision and shifting from the pros and cons. I think that you should work on grammar/spelling; Although you didn't have many mistakes. When I came across the line that I corrected above, it sorta stopped the flow of the poem for me. I think this is pretty good, and I would enjoy to see more from you and see how you can improve next time. On another note, I think you should try to be more descriptive and use more metaphors and such. It will make the poem more relatable and less...I don't know, bland? Lol, there. <3
*face palms* Lol, well it isn’t that bad for one mistake, but it is a mistake regardless. So I need to proof read, and be more descriptive right? I'll remember that next time I am writing a poem. Thank you very much RV. Lol RV XD Thanks alot. =D
