Tthis is my very first fanfic every so some good constructive critisism would help, thankyou :) It's writen in he said she said pov so you can guess who they are by the discription i give (i'll say who they are at the end) oh and it takes plase befor kh So with out ferther ado... Secret Admire He watched her from the coffee hop window as she walked down the streets in all her misunderstood beauty.She didn't notice him there, infact she didn't notice him at all eventhough she saw him every day.But he was ther trying to comprehened her strange characteristics.he had something to say to her but he knew that she was too good for him.He tryed seeing himself with her but the vission never quite fit.He even tryed to compare and contrast, but always came up with more contrat. It was starting to rain so she huried into the coffee shop for a warm shelter. She started up to the cashier serching for her walete but it came up empty.Fortunatly for her it was him. He'd already prepared her usual and plased it in frount of her. "It's on me" he said in a low voice as to not disrupt the peacfull suroundings of the coffee shop. "Thanks'she said with a smile.He liked it when she smiled, it was rare but when she did it was nice and he wanted to make her smile more. he sat down at a small table next to the window. The pail light of the sun through the storm clouds complemented her colorless complextion in his eyes.He acknoleged her every detail from her sun lit hair and curvy figure to her bloodless lips and emerald eyes.A cupple minutes passed had by and the rain let up a little.He watched her as she rushed down the wet streets before the rain started up again.Her departure didn't bother him that much for there always tomorrow... end chapter 1 well its short but its a start! :D it's clear that this was a complete waste of like 2 minutes of your life but thanks for your time! :D so if you'd be so nice as to a respons i'd be prety happy! :) and i'll be motivated to put up chapter 2
Well, there are some grammatical errors. Please start all new sentences with a capital letter. But I really like the mystery around it. Good detail. Could be longer, but its understandable it is your first chapter. I mean my first chapter was like four or five paragraphs. The more you enjoy it and more ideas they'll get longer... better detail... plot.. whatever. The more you write the better you will get. :D
Its a good start I think, it can progress very far once we find out the characters. But over all I think that it was a very good start. But also the grammer was off a bit, so it threw me off alot, I couldn't tell where the sentences started or ended really, thats all.
