Saximaphone Hotline

ONLY OPEN FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY.
C'MON DOWN Y'ALL !!
ONLY OPEN UNTIL TWO PAGES !!​

Welcome to the Sexymama Hotline !!​

Yo, what the fuck is this?​

The Sexymama Hotline is a help resource available 24/7, but I charge, so you better have something in tribute before I cast lightning on your ass. I'm here to help you with your ~ problems ~, big or small, fat or skinny, tall or short, black or white, clean or dirty — if yaknowhattaimean. I'm just your good ol' fashion source for advice for any kind of issue. ♥

Can any of us peasants post here?​

Of course you little street urchins can! Sexymama spreads her love to all and it knows no bounds — we're talkin' about extending into yandereville. ♥ ♥ ♥

How do we do this, Sexymama, help !!​

Aren't you just one kawaii little fucker? It's easypeasy! All you have to do is post, and I'll quote and reply in due time. * pinches cheeks * 13kawaii4me

Hey, wait a second . . . Are you sure you're certified?​

Of course I am, silly goose! Here is your proof that Sexymama is a 100% certified therapist, trained in listening, insulting, making people uncomfortable, giving advice, judging u, helping you focus on the root of your problem, and getting through the issue! I don't just give advice, I change lives — that is the authentic Sexymama way!

Gambatte, mein kodomo pequeños !!​

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Saxima, I adore my new secretary in my beautiful new animal town. The problem is that she is an anime dog. What do I do with my life.

 

I can't seem to properly wipe myself with this tissue paper. Any tips?​

 

Saxima, I left my children down by the beach and my husband is cheating on me for a tree. What do I do with my life.

Saxima, with whom does the river flow? What do I do with my life.

 

Saxima, I want to accept Xehanort into my heart and become an awesome yellow-eyed badass with silver hair and a cool ass deep ass voice like Xemnas, but alas I live in real life. Wat do.

 

Saxima, how do I become a cat.

 

Saxima how do I make the pretty russian mod who loves mass effect and has never completed a pokemon game give me her heart?

 

Forget that silly little anime dog! Why want her, when you can have me — a super kawaii cat who will play with your yarn aaaaall day. ~ u ~​

They're obviously oblivious to how incredibly sexy you are, Yave. You don't need them to feel your vibes . . .

But I might want to. c;​

Get new hands to wipe dat ass because MMPH dat ass is sum hot stuff​

You forget all about your silly husband because they aren't worth it anyway. Come take a walk on the fly side with me, ya dig?​

river flows in u bby — my river that is ♥​

Hmm, that does sound like a problem, Envy. I have an idea. How about both you and I dress up as Xehanort, accept him into our lives, no matter how real, and then become one . . . With each other.​

Well, there are a few different ways, darling, my favorite of which involves certain tools that can also be referred to as toys. I can help you out with that, if you'd like. ♥ ♥ ♥​

You don't. Instead, you decide to change your mind and go after a gal with hot latina blood who loves Sailor Moon. You then proceed to have a threesome with said girls.​

 

Thanks for complimenting my ass and everything but I didn't say that was what I was wiping...hmm.. I will still take your option into consideration. Thank you.​

 

Saxima, can you explain to me the time travel logic in KH 3D and explain how it leaves no plot holes?

 

Saxima, I need your report on my desk by Monday morning.

 

Saxima, how do I go about purging the world of furries and make way for a better world? :\

 

YO WHERE THE PICKLES AT



PHOENIX PICKLES THAT IS

 

Contract ?

 

*glares*

 

Nmeh tunge iz uck deh meh nmse? NNNNNNH!

 

I have a plethora of problems that I need solved! Let's begin!

I auto-pilot walked up a down-escalator, and I'm trapped in an unending cycle of walking in place. How would one go about escaping such an escalator?

I was at the baker's and suddenly Sherlock Holmes entered. The problem is that Holmes and I cannot coexist in the same baker, which made one of us disappear. How do I know which one of us disappeared?

I've been working as the core of a Matryoshka doll for 8.5 months, do you know how to get promoted to say second or third opened?

I just noticed that my lesbian counterpart in a parallel dimension seems to have a much better life than the one I'm living here- can I kill her and take her place?

I seem to have lived 176 lives over the course of 6000 years, but every time I die, I wake up and find out that my previous life was just a dream.

I put on my falsehood, but I ate some truth afterwards. Now I'm stuck in a dimension with non-boolean logic. Help?

I was being negative, and somebody suggested I find my roots. I did, and now I'm seeing things that aren't there. What do I do?

Please, Sexymama, help me fix my life!