Roxas - Life in the Organization* Chap. 2

Roxas followed Saix silently down the all-white corridors. Saix wasn't trying to spark up any conversation, he seemed more interested in staring ahead. "Er...Saix?" Roxas spoke up, his voice half-nervous and half-calm. "What?" he asked, looking over his shoulder at him. Roxas opened his mouth but noticed a scar on Saix's face. It was quite large and 'X' shaped. Roxas noticed Saix's expression and resumed his conversation. "Well, what's the Organization really after?"
Saix turned away and didn't speak for a while. "Xemnas didn't tell you, did he?"
"Tell me what?" Roxas asked.
"Tell you that we're Nobodies." Saix replied, his voice quiet. "What's a Nobody?" Roxas scratched his head and lengthed his stride to keep up with Saix. "We are Nobodies. You and me. We have no hearts."
Roxas gaped. "WHAT? How could we even exist without a heart?" Roxas put his hand to his chest. Saix sighed and flicked some of his hair over his shoulder like Roxas's comment was nothing. "As you continue to be with us, you'll understand." Saix got quiet after that. He must think I'm brainless,Roxas thought as he looked at the back of Saix's head.
They went down another couple of steps and into a long, dark corridor. Roxas stopped. "Uh, what's down there?" he asked. Saix stopped and looked back up at him. "Roxas, hurry up. I don't have time for you to get scared. There's steps; just hang onto the railings." Saix continued walking, and his footsteps began getting softer and softer. Roxas grabbed onto the railing and ran down the steps, until BANG, he ran right into Saix. "Roxas!" he snapped and whipped around.
"Sorry." Roxas gasped. He was glad it was dark; he didn't want Saix to see his flaring red cheeks. Saix sighed again and mumbled something, which probably meant, "should have never even let this goofball in,".
"Xemnas, he's here." Saix and Roxas went into a room with three computers in each corner. Xemnas was sitting at one of them, his head in his hands. "Oh, good, have a seat, Roxas." Roxas sat down next to Xemnas, and Saix next to him. Oh Lord, I'm squished in between Silver-head and X-face,Roxas hoped Saix couldn't read minds, or Xemnas.
"Now, Roxas," Xemnas's voice interupted Roxas's thoughts. "I want you to see something." He pressed a button on the Keyboard, and the screen darkened. Then, it showed The World That Never Was, and a silver-haired boy carrying a strange weapon was running through the streets.
The screen dimmed. "He's an imposter. Axel tried to get him, but he got away. Roxas, if you see this imposter, you must alert any of the members. Understood?" Xemnas looked him directly in the eyes. Roxas nodded. "All right, now, you have free time to do whatever you like. Why don't you go and make friends?" He spoke to him like he was some little kid. "Er...Saix, are you coming?"
Saix looked at him as he walked past with a black-and-white disc. "No, I'm going to update the castle's defense system. Can you manage to get back by yourself?"
"Yeah, I guess."
Saix sat down at one of the computers and pushed the disc into the computer's drive. Roxas watched him a little as he typed in a password, and a perfect 3-D picture of the castle appeared on the screen. "Roxas?" Saix didn't even glance at him. "Go ahead and do what you like, why don't you go and play with Axel? He's always got something going."
"Ah...OK. Bye, Xemnas. Bye, Saix." Saix mumbled something, but Xemnas was generous enough to wave and smile after Roxas.
Roxas luckily found his way back to the main part of the castle, where a green frizbee zoomed over his hair. "Sorry! You okay?" It was Axel and Demyx. "Yeah,"
"Did Saix pull your hair out?" Demyx asked, pulling locks of Roxas's hair up. "Nope! No chunky places."
"Saix is actually kind of nice...well, if you don't consider his coldness."
Axel laughed. "Saix? NICE? That's like saying an alligator is your pet cat. You try and mess with Saix and see what happens."
Roxas shrugged. "I'm going in my room for a bit."
"To do what. Put on 'Anti-Saix' spray? That'd be a very wise choice, Rox. Hey, we'll be in the garden playing tag, so come and join."
"Okay." Roxas went into his room, pulled Panna out and his diary.
Dear Diary, I talked to Saix a little, and he warmed up a little. But, he's still not very friendly. I didn't realize he had this big scar on his face until he looked at me. I wonder what kind of accident he was in to cause him to have that scar? Maybe I'll ask Axel and Demyx, they might know.
Roxas then closed his diary to join the two to play tag...

 

Really good! but can I make a small sugestion?

When you type dialouge, start on a new line each time a new person talks. For example:

Instead of this:

Roxas luckily found his way back to the main part of the castle, where a green frizbee zoomed over his hair. "Sorry! You okay?" It was Axel and Demyx. "Yeah,"
"Did Saix pull your hair out?" Demyx asked, pulling locks of Roxas's hair up. "Nope! No chunky places."

Try this:

Roxas luckily found his way back to the main part of the castle, where a green frizbee zoomed over his hair.
"Sorry! You okay?" It was Axel and Demyx.
"Yeah," Roxas replied.
"Did Saix pull your hair out?" Demyx asked, pulling locks of Roxas's hair up. Roxas smiled.
"Nope! No chunky places."

It looks a lot neater, and makes it easier to read :)

But other than that, your story is very interesting, and I look forward to reading more :D

 

Thanks for the suggestion. I type fast, so I really don't notice. But, I knew that anyways just didn't think it was really important, plus, I've seen worse dialogues actually, haven't you? Some people just can't type. But, thanks anyways. I'm glad you're enjoying it. Keep on reading!

 

awww poor Roxas, just finding out he has no heart

and leave it to Axel and Demyx to make fun of other memebers

 

Please read the stickies. One thread per fic. Don't make new threads for chapters.

 

I didn't understand what you just said.

 

It means you should post new chapters in the same thread, i.e. all chapters will be in the same thread--not post a new thread each time you complete a new chapter.

If you need an example, feel free to click the link to my fic in my signature.

 

OK. Thanks for the explanation. I was kind of confused back there.:)