It was dark and gloomy. Always was in the World That Never Was. Axel walked around looking for Roxas. He disappeared a lot lately. Axel knew it was to go see Namine'. Superior had forbidden anyone to see Namine' since Marluxia's death. Roxas was the only one who broke that rule. He would come back telling Axel and Demyx everything. Mainly little details about Namine'. Like how she twirled her hair when she looked at him. Axel sighed. He decided to ask Demyx if he knew where Roxas went. He headed toward the castle. He ran into Demyx in the doorway. "Superior,' Demyx gasped, "searched Namine's memories." Axel didn't need to hear anymore. He ran off in the other direction with Demyx panting behind him. *** Roxas and Namine' had gone to Twilight Town. They were at the clocktower eating sea salt icecream and talking. Suddenly, Axel appeared in front of them. "Roxas! Superior searched Nmine's memories!" " So that's what that tingling feeling was this morning," muttered Namine'. " Never mind. I know where to take you, but I need help. Let's get you out of here first. It's the first place superior will look." Axel clapped his hands and a dark portal opened. The tree of them ran through the portal, and appeared in Hollow Bastion. Axel started leading them away from the bailey, and towards Merlin's house. *** " You understand what to do, Larxene?" " Yes, superior." " Good. Now go!" Larxene opened a portal, and entered Hollow Bastion. Gah! that looked longer on paper! of course, my handwriting's huge...:sweat: It took up 2 pieces of paper! lol
wow! i'm surprised that many ppl liked it! ok i'll continue it. i already have chapter 2 and i'm working on chapter 3 "Yuffie! Put that down!" Aerith screamed. "Leon, help!" "Not my hair ribbon, not my problem." Yuffie swiped his gunblade. "Hey! Give me back my gunblade, you twerp!" Yuffie taunted them, back flipped out the door, and bowled Axel, Roxas, and Namine' over. All of them ended up sprawled on the concrete. Leon and Aerith picked up their stolen items triumphantly. Cid just sat at the computer the whole time, smirking. Axel got up, dusted off his robe, and walked over to Cid. They seemed to be arguing, then Cid nodded his heead and started typing something into the computer. When Cid stopped typing, a gummi ship appeared outside and dropped off a big, wooden box. Cid picked up the box, and walked to his gummi ship garage down stairs. He gestured for Axel, Roxas, and Namine' to follow. *** Larxene had nobodies search Hollow Bastion and come back to her to tell her if they found them. None had reported back yet, but she was waiting patiently, perched on a roof. Larxene caught a glimpse of something white. She smiled. A nobody had come back. *** Roxas was talking to Namine', while Cid ws teaching Axel how to drive a gummi ship. "Do you think they know each other?" asked Roxas. "If you were listening instead of staring at me, you would have known that he owed Axel a favor," replied Namine' smiling. Roxas blushed. "Alright. We're ready," said Axel. Roxas and Namine' walked towards the gummi ship. *** "Of course!" Larxene mentally slapped herself. "Nobodies couldn't talk!" How were they supposed to tell her they saw them if they couldn't talk?" The nobody started floating and zooming around in different directions. "So they took a gummi ship. But that means..." Her eyes blazed with fury. I know this is not kingdom hearts historicaly correct, but i wanted to keep Larxene alive.
i'll take one up, i'll write a stroy about them for no reason!! great stroy by the way!!! love it!! by the way....why does cid owe axel a favor!!! i want to know that for sure!!!
...you have far too many sentence fragments, and many of the sentences that you do have don't feel like they should even be there. "always was in the World that Never Was." This isn't a well constructed sentence for a story, granted speaking it, it does sound natural but you have to realize the differences between transitioning dialogue from reality to fiction.
Roxas and Namine' had just buckled in, when the gummi ship started moving. "Here we go!" Axel yelled. It was a peaceful ride to their destination. "Weird," thought Roxas. The ship jolted, and they landed on a sandy beach. *** "So who was that?" asked Yuffie. "An old friend," replied Cid. "Some body has a secret," smirked Leon. "Friends don't keep secrets and secrets don't keep friends!: giggled Yuffie. "I'm not telling!" yelled Cid. "That's alright," said Yuffie mysteriously,"We don't need you to tell us." She held up a pink diary. "Hey! Give me back my diary!" Everybody stared at Cid. "Err... I mean my manly journal... ya..." Leon smirked and whispered something to Aerith, then they both laughed. "Shut up!" yelled Cid. He looked like he was at his wits end. While Cid was preoccupied, Yuffie was flipping through his diary. Yuffie found a part about a circus and started reading. *** Tidus, Wakka, Sora, and Riku were playing blitz ball with Kairi and Selphie watching. Sora suddenly looked to his left and saw a gummi ship with three figures coming out. While Sora was looking away, he was hit in the head with a blitz ball. When he woke up he saw Kairi leaning over him with a concerned look on her face. "A gummi ship..." mumabled Sora. Tidus walked over to where Sora and Kairi were. "Sorry. I musta hit too hard. You ok?" Tidus held out a hand and Sora took it. "Did you see a gummi ship and three people?" asked Sora. "No... What are you talking about?" asked Tidus. "The gummi ship..." Sora looked to where the gummi ship was. "But it was just there..." "I think that blitz ball hit you a little too hard," said Tidus," Maybe we should stop for the day." wow that took alot more work than expected... oh well! On to chapter 4!
