Roxas was running from something. But I couldn’t tell what he was running from. I thought it was the darkness after him again. I was right behind him, hoping that he would stop for me. But that didn’t happen. I ran as fast as my legs would carry me, still Roxas didn’t stop. What was so frightening that he wouldn’t stop for me? I glanced behind my right shoulder to see if anything was behind me so that I could tell him to stop. Nothing was there, I focused my thoughts on Roxas, when I was running I saw that Roxas was not there in front of me any more. I stopped running to see if he ran a different direction but there wasn’t any more buildings around me. No streets, no sidewalks…nothing. I was all alone with no one but me. I awoke with a scream. I looked around in panic. I started to calm down when I saw that I was my apartment. I jumped out of bed and looked around again, seeing that the door was open, I thought Roxas left for town. I was so shaken up that I stumble over my feet, I couldn’t even make it to the closet. I got dressed and ran to the kitchen, "So he left the milk out for me to put away" After seeing that I knew that Roxas was here. I got my shoes on and ran out the door. I saw Hayner out looking for jobs again. "Hey Hayner have you seen Roxas?" Hayner glanced at me with weird expression . "Yyah he’s were he’s always at. You now the ‘hang out'' I then notice that the look he gave me earlier was the look of stupidity. "thanks" I replied as I was walking away. I knew were he was so I didn’t bother to run. I just enjoined the moment of the beautiful town. Maybe I should tell Roxas about the dream I had last night. I kept thinking that when I was in the back ally. As I entered from the other side of the keratins I got this feeling that something was wrong. I froze up before I entered, the sunlight wasn’t getting in. Maybe he wasn’t here. My fears were poring out of me, like there was something evil on the other side waiting for me. I took a step back, I was going to run but a voice so familiar began talking to me. "what are you doing?" he asked "Go in, there’s nothing on the other side that’s going to hurt you" my eyes where shut the hole time that he was talking to me. I didn’t want to look but I knew who he was. " "how d-do you n-now?” I was scared, I began to cry. The tears where going down my face so fast that I didn’t feel them dip off my chin. My eyes began to open slowly. The pants he was wearing were very baggy and a brown but slightly purple color. I opened my eyes a little more and then I noticed who he was. It was Seifer! "I wasn’t expecting you to be here" I said (well…well… I though) "you were?" My face turned so red when I looked him in the eyes.
Hm....I'm quite confused with it cause of spelling and punctuation errors, but other than that it's ok. Oh and a hint is to make a new paragraph everytime you put in dialouge. Example I was so shaken up that I stumble over my feet, I couldn’t even make it to the closet. I got dressed and ran to the kitchen, “so he left the milk out for me to put away” after seeing that I knew that Roxas was here. I got my shoes on and ran out the door. I saw Hayner out looking for jobs again.” hey Hayner have you seen Roxas?” Hayner glanced at me with weird expression .” yah he’s were he’s always at. You know, the ‘hang out’." I then notice that the look he gave me earlier was the look of stupidity.
i thought was quite interesting, although a bit hard on the eyes cause there was no new paragraphs. but i enjoyed it. :D :D :D
I agree with FireNanaki. It sounds like a good story good plot, but your puncuation and your paragraphing could do with some work. But overall good job! *goes off to go read Chapter 2*
