Religions of the World

Sorry if this offends anyone, it is just a joke.

Well in Japanese today we talked about religion (don't ask why, it's what the tutor is like) and he showed this. XD (I originally thought he made, but it's from the internet)

Toaism - **** Happens

Confuciusm - Confucius he say "**** Happens"

Hinduism - When **** happens, is it really ****?

Buddhism - This **** happened before

Zen Buddhism - What is the sound of **** happening?

Hare Krishna - **** happens rama rama ding dong

Protestantism - **** won't happen if I work harder

Catholicism - If **** happens, I probably deserve it

Jehovah's Witness - Knock, knock, **** happens

Judaism - Why does this **** always happen to me

Islam (May cause offense) - If **** happens, take hostages

Shintoism - It is an honour for **** to happen

Rastafarian - Lets smoke this ****

Scientology - **** happens if you're on our **** list.

 

xD I saw a better one involving lightbulbs ;D

Twas very funneh

Although this one was also amusing

 

I am so down, lets smoke this ****.

So you spent your class talking about ****? Productive.

xD

 

Yeah, the lesson is suppose to be able the culture of Japan, but as usual we go off topic and never do anything.

 

Sounds like our maths class. There is like 20 something of us and our teacher is always at the other side of the room helping one person, so we just sit and have a laugh x] Although we still manage to get our work done ?.? Well I do anyway >_>

Here is that other religion thing xD

Now, just how many _______________s does it take to change a light bulb?

Amish :
What's a light bulb?

Roman Catholic : None
Use candles only.

Lutherans : None
Lutherans don't believe in change.

Episcopalians : 3
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Presbyterians : None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Methodists : Undetermined
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

Nazarene : 6
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Baptists : At least 15
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

Pentecostal : 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Mormon : 5
One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Jehovah's Witnesses : 2
1 to change the bulb and 1 to convince you that 3 way bulbs originated from pagan polytheism.

Church of Christ: 2
One to take the bulb out and a second to baptize the old bulb into a new one.

Messianic Jews: Menorah is the only source of light, since the jury is still out on whether or not a light bulb exceeds the accepted level of exertion on the Sabbath.

Seventh-day Adventists: 0
The bulb isn't dead, it's just sleeping until the Lord returns.

Unitarians : We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid parts to luminescence.

Interdenominational: Everyone
Instead of really focusing just on changing the light, this denomination would also focus on ecumenically discussing just how to change the light, and would also make a party of it, invite everyone, and just enjoy good discussion, food, and a little service which tries not to step on to many toes doctrinally, but presents the truth in a simple and lifechanging way.

Fundamentalists:
One, the Preacher. There's only one right way to change a light bulb and he's going to show you how since you're obviously too stupid to know how yourself.

Russian Orthodox:
One, the Priest, while everyone else stands around and chants and then gets smashed on vodka after church.

Holiness:
Two, the preacher who lays his hands on the bulb and prays, sweats and screams for a miracle and the Lord who (hopefully) complies.

Snake Handlers:
Two, one church member who takes an angry, poisonous viper and makes it into a lasso to change the bulb, and the unfortunate said snake.

Quakers:
You don't need a bulb if you're going to sit down, close your eyes and meditate.

Wiccan:
Two, one Priestess to change the light, and one Man on all fours to act as her footstool

Buddhist:
If you're worried about the lightbulb you're showing too much attatchment to material things. Meditate and TRANSCEND your need for a lightbulb.

Zen:
Become one with the lightbulb

Scientology:
Give us $100,000.00 and we'll show you how to change a light bulb!

Satanist:
Three. One to steal a new bulb from a close friend, and another to stab a close friend in the back in order to have the honor of changing the light bulb for themselves, and a naked woman to act as a footstool.


Atheists:
Undetermined. They'll hold a meeting a the local coffee shop during which they will all argue that no one in the group is authorized to determine who should change the light bulb or how it should be changed. Several angry attendees will leave in a fit of rage. Meanwhile, a number of them will write online blogs denouncing the facism of the group. Said lightbulb might go unchanged.

Agnostics:
Not wanting to step on anyone's toes, no agnostic will take a strong position as to who should have the authority to change the lightbulb. They'll wait for someone else to do it.

Brights:
They'll argue that perhaps it is not appropriate to call it a light bulb at all, as the name takes on too controversial a meaning. They'll meet to discuss possible alternatives to the old fashioned name "light bulb" & never actually discuss how to change it or what kind of replacement bulb should be installed.

Secularists:
One. Any member will jump to change the light bulb before the government tries to impose its will on the lightbulb.

New Agers:
None. It is what it is & resentment for the dullness of the light would voluntarily bring unnecessary anxiety. The light bulb chooses to be in the state it is, & no one should impose his or her own selfish will on the light bulb. Hallucinogenics will be passed around the spirit circle to add to the depth to which one can contemplate the existence or non-existence of the light bulb, which may actually be a manifestation of universal energy.

 

I am slitghtly disturbed....

I couldn't help laughing a bit at the Cathlicism part, because, it is sort of true.
Also, a little tibit of humor, I was perusing a dictionary to find new words to put in my Fan-fiction, and I came across:
Fakir- A muslim religous (Something or other...)
Now say it slowly and what does it sound like?
Laughing yet?
Now just think about the Shi'ite......

 

The Scientology part was the best xD