The Start of the end Every one gatherd in travers town 3rd distric. "Every one is here right?" Tiffa asked. "Yah" Axel replied. Roxas noded. The group had no way out no matter how many they killed there were milliens more. "This should be easy theres 18 of us!" Cloud said fending off 3 heartles. "Yah but it's not!" Zexion said calmly. "It's not like it's the end of the worler or any thing Zexion." Riku Sperted. " And sora is infected with that dark illnes." They had all come to realiz this was there last stand before the end. Fitting was the only way out but they had used up all the stangtg and were forced in to a corner. "So this is the end?" Leon chucoled. The heartless moved in as cloud fell to his knees, it was the end and every one know it. A lowed bang came from behind them Sora, Kairi,and Cid terned a man in a white overcoat was standing there he had a small hand gun and was shooting into the heartless sworm. "The end huh?" anther man said in Leon's ear making him jump. "Who are you?" All of them yelled. "Now Now." A 3rd one chiped in. "Stop scairing them Red, ythere are more importent things to be doing now." He shook a fing like a mother scoleding a child. "Yes mother." he joked and the two of the went to work helping the first one fight. "Are you all right?"A 4th asked helping Sora back up form his duck an cover atemt when the gun went off the first time.
Writer's Critique... Hmm...where do I begin? -Spelling: It's obvious you didn't use spell-check before posting this. -Grammar: You need to use more periods to split up the run-on sentences you have. -Line and Paragraph breaks: Everything after the fourth paragraph is one huge block of text. It's really unattractive, looks completely jumbled and disorganized. Use line breaks and split text into paragraphs. Whenever a different person speaks, line break and put it on the next line. -Details: It's not bad, but a bit more detail on the where, how and when would clear some things up. -Title: It didn't exactly grip my interest. You might want to brainstorm on it. -Length: Increasing the font size isn't going to make it longer to read. It's not a bad idea, but it needs a bit of work.
