Ok, I would really like some tips on how to make my writing better so PLEASE!! any critisism at all, post! Here it goes: Between life and death Gone Faded My family My friends Even the blood Surrounding me… Where am I? What am I? I can see right through me As if I was Nothing… I’m alone In the dark Nothing but my voice No echo Just cold And dead… I can see light Yes! Freedom! Still alone But there’s echo… Am I reviving? Am I…alive? No Just the cruel Simple sounds They're toying With my brain I can’t take it! I see others! I’m alive! In… Heaven??? …
Okay, well I think it's good, but I'll give u critisism... *cracks knuckles* >D lol okay... umm... first of all, the lines are way to short. The poem doesn't flow together smoothly at all. A way you could improve this is by combining a few lines... Example: Before: Where am I? What am I? I can see right through me As if I was Nothing… After: Where am I? What am I? I can see right through me, As if I was nothing… Your stanzas don't have to be so long... ;D and really, I didn't find much else wrong with the poem. just clean it up a bit to make it flow smoother... I saw alot of feeling in this poem, and that's good... great job! =D
