Right.. I'm thinking of writing a novel but I have really really bad writers block atm and I wanna see if anyone would be actually interested in it before I decide to continue writing it so any and all comments would greatly appreciated.. and if you could give CC I'll love you forever! =D I really don't want to scrap this idea because I've liked writing what I've written and I sooo want to finish it but I just don't know if people will like it. In this I'm gonna include a summary I've written plus the first half of the first chapter.. and if people like it then I'm gonna put up the second half of the first chapter and chapter 2 and so on :3 so comment PLEASE~~ I'm depending on you guys :<3: p.s. I as of yet don't have a title (darn writers block) I'll most likely come up with one sooner or later but any suggestions would also be appreciated <3 So here is the Summary :- Two lovers called Lily and Jayden have lived in this huge city their whole lives, but Jayden is becoming increasingly paranoid, he's under the delusion that Lily secretly hates him and one day he snaps, killing her and all her friends and family while they're at a party. Jayden, having loved Lily more than life, realizes what he's done and kills himself out of guilt and sorrow. But it doesn't end there.. When humans die before their time they don't go to heaven or hell as promised- They are re-born as they were in a world parallel to this one to live out the remainder of their lives until their 'time' truly comes. In this alernate world with it's violet-tinged sky, triplet moons and weird and wonderful creatures and quirks, war is on. With each side fighting hard for their idea of peace. Lily, who has no recollection of her murder whatseover joins the Kainata, who are fighting for their dignity, Jayden, who can remember every detail of his sin and is still wracked with guilt joins Hakani, who are fighting for their pride. With the pair now pitted against each other yet still in love.. How will it turn out? Right.. well yeah ^^' Here's the first half of the first chapter.. Hope you guys like ^__^ Chapter One; Beautiful. Countless huge concrete towers darkened slowly against a dimming, dirty orange sky with the exception of the occasional square of light from one of the windows above as the last of the day faded into night. The acquired scent of a million cars hung in the cooling air as the barely noticeable autumn wind breathed through the city streets, rustling old newspapers and empty drinks cans as it went. The constant drone of people and vehicles and industry grew ever so slightly quieter as the hours passed but never once ceased. Most people would look out of their windows atop one of the many high rise flats and wonder why they ever came to the choking density of the city, what they ever saw in it, what was keeping them there.. To most people the city was nothing more than an overgrown tangle of dirty buildings, decaying rubbish and rusty scrap metal. But not to Lily. Her deep onyx eyes saw an entirely different world. To her, every run-down building, every broken traffic light, every unused and rusty car had its own story to tell. Stories from the time the city she’d been born in was the pride of the country. Stories from when people would come from far and wide to admire the huge skyscrapers, the gleaming landmarks, the breathtaking views of the nearby sea. Then, the sea was a pristine jewel on the edge of the great city, sparkling and beautiful like an enormous liquid sapphire, surrounded by sand as pure and clean as virgin snow. Now, the sea was little more than a thick, filthy mass of dirty green liquid practically incapable of supporting any kind of life, surrounded by a shrunken ring of black, sticky land. But it too told a story, and to Lily, It was beautiful. The story of the city was a sad one but every person, every animal, every object knew it by heart. When the government came and found oil in their sea, millions of people from all over the continent flocked to the promise of money. All was well for a while, the city thrived on all the extra money and the job opportunities brought in so many people from so many backgrounds from all over the world, but it wasn’t to last. The skyscrapers were demolished and the nearby woods deforested to make room for new industry. Smoke soon blackened the landmarks and the sea became nothing more than an oversized dump, the beaches were stained black and littered with dead sea life. The pungent smell of sulphur clung constantly to the air. So the tourists stopped coming there, the reputation of urban perfection was replaced by a reputation only desirable to the people who cared about not much more than money. The local people didn’t take too kindly to the immigrants, either. To them, it was their sea, their oil, so it should be their money. Soon, fights broke out, stories of racism and hate smeared across the front page of every newspaper. Newspapers that most of which would end up one of countless pieces of forgotten trash that had collected in heaps dotted around the busy streets. The constant noise and smells of the industry soon drove out most of the people who’d been born there, who’d grown up there, who’d lived, loved and laughed no-where but there. It became a ghost of what it formerly was. Nothing but a scar. But to Lily, it was beautiful. Lily had always been an accepting soul. She was able to see beauty in pretty much anything and everything. If it told a story, it was beautiful. If it had endured any kind of suffering and still stood, it was beautiful. If it had been created by the hand of man, it was beautiful. She loved her home, always had, even the dense, polluted mess it had become. She loved sitting on one of the many rusting benches in the town centre, watching as a million faces passed her by, most of which she’d probably never see again, imagining what was going through their minds. She loved standing on the roof of one of the towers as the sky became dark, watching as hundreds upon thousands of streetlights flicked to life like makeshift stars. But most of all, she loved the older buildings near the heart of the city, she would walk around for hours on end imagining what it must have felt like back then. She’d marvel at the great buildings which could only have been crafted by simplicity itself with the greatest care and patience and finished with a sensation of pure pride and accomplishment. True art. She could only imagine how a builder of that time would feel knowing he had created something that‘d last centuries. She sat on the edge of a disused and rusting bridge, listening to the soft crash of the waves below and the distant hum of the city. Her legs dangled over the edge as the cooling breeze blew her thick ebony hair away from her fair face. She took a deep breath, opened her immensely dark eyes and smiled slightly, absorbing her beloved surroundings as the last of twilight faded. ‘’Ugh.. Really, Lily, I don’t know how you can stand this place. What exactly is there to like about it?’’ Came an unmistakable voice. Lily turned her head slightly to smile at the boy standing behind her, his arms crossed over his body. ‘’Lots of things, really. You just have to really see things when you look at them.‘’ She replied, looking back out to the ocean. He sighed and sat down next to her, letting his legs hang down beside hers. He was taller than she was but couldn’t have been any older. His auburn hair which normally hung down almost brushing his shoulders was pulled back into a loose ponytail exposing soft yet undeniably masculine features. He wasn’t tanned but he wasn’t pale either, his cheeks glowing a very light shade of coffee. His olive lips seemed to gently curl upward in a constant smile, even when he was upset. His eyes were a beautiful bright jade which literally glowed like fireflies whenever he smiled. His smile was an infectious one, exposed flawless teeth and seemed to light up everywhere within a few meters. ‘’Still..’’ his countertenor voice sounded uncharacteristically frustrated as his eyes fixed on the horizon, dotted with rigs and tankers far in the distance. ‘’Doesn’t it upset you? This city was gorgeous before they struck oil, Now everything, even the ocean, has been ruined. Why are humans so selfish?’’ ‘’hmm..’’ Lily neither agreed nor disagreed. Jayden saw beauty in life. He loved nature, especially the ocean, a world so humble yet so vibrant. So silent but with so much to shout about. He loved the safety of the warm water around him and the countless colours and shapes that seemed to dance in a kaleidoscope of life around him. He loved the woods too. He loved laying down on a bed of grass and moss soft as feathers surrounded by ancient trees. Their strong arms branching out like guardian angels into a diamond-studded sky, fabricating a protective canopy of leaves that shone a bright emerald in the soft gleam of moonlight. Fireflies dancing in carefree clouds like animated stars around him as the sweetly scented breeze blew through the untouched sanctuary, whispering echoed stories as old as time through the trees, accompanied by a chorus of cicadas and crickets. To some, insect-ridden dirty twigs. To Jayden, true beauty in it’s purest form. ‘’Well..’’ Lily continued, looking for the right words. ‘’An object is an object really, its all about what you see within it. How we see things makes us who we are.’’ ‘’Yea, I suppose.’’ he said with a sigh, ‘’But still..’’ he brought a warm hand up to her face to gently tilt it towards his, their eyes met, jade and onyx, ‘’You know you’re the only reason I’m still living in this shithole.’’ His voice lowered to almost a whisper. Lily smiled shyly. ‘’Heh, Sorry..’’ she giggled, she couldn’t take her eyes off his. ‘’Nah, Don’t apologise.’’ He smiled back, and her heart melted. ‘’I may be living in a dump, but I’m living with you, as far as I’m concerned, who could ask for anything more?’’ His eyes shined at he spoke. She leaned slightly forward, feeling her eyes close. Their lips met, and for a second, nothing else existed in the world. ‘’Thanks. I love you.’’ She whispered into his shoulder, his heartbeat the only thing she could hear. He smiled to himself as his lips brushed her forehead. ‘’I love you too.’’ *flails* hope you enjoyed... Comments? CC? They'd be greatly appreciated ^^
You're quite good, and it's a very solid and stable start. I do hope you keep going with writing in general, because you're quite good. I'm not completely in love with the whole other world idea, but it could work...I just don't fancy it, so it's mainly my preference. It's an idea that can greatly be explored upon, so I think you should give it a shot.
This is alright. I'd prefer it if you'd actually use normal quotation marks rather than apostrophe's stuck together but that's not a big problem. You do realize that countertenor is the rough equivalent of a male alto? This means it's high for a man. I can't decide if you are saying he has a high voice or if you meant something else. Clarify please. Structure of the story is pretty good so far, but it's a very small sample so it's hard to tell a lot from it. I can't say I think anything is particularly wrong here, so much as there are things that don't sit right with me personally. Time period is a bit ambiguous. I assume it's now-ish because there isn't enough oil left on Earth to have it too terribly far off but the description of the city is kinda odd for such a timeframe. So I'm left slightly confused. It's more than readable, but I'd still categorize it as too short to be sure of anything.
Thanks for the comments ^^ Yeah.. The apostrophes are a random habit of mine lol ^^; I'm trying to stop it but my mind seems to enjoy typing apostrophes >.<' And indeed, Jaydens' voice is intended to be high~ Random thought that came to me mid-type so I thought "meh, why not"? xD and to clear it up.. The time period is very near future~ I plan to make this and some other things clearer as the story progresses. ^^ and yeah, "odd" is just how I write things lol x3 Hope that cleared a few things up lol ^^; Thanks anyway ^.^ I plan to have the second half of this chapter up soon-ish, just need to go back and fix a few things before I do~ xD
