Parental Units...

What respect? You have to EARN respect before you can get respect. I caught the liberal(not political, social) parenting advice in that. so far, liberals are the only one who believe that teens and children are equal to adults. Obviously, children have rights. They have the same rights we all have, the right not to be abused, the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. But the state says that until me and my brothers are 18 years old, my parents are legally responsible for us. That means they have to make decisions about our actions because ultimately, they are responsible for us. TEEN AND CHILDREN ARE NOT EQUAL TO ADULTS! Teens and children are nothing but impressionable young humans who are RULED by their childish wants and selfish impulses. My parents know that I'm growing. Hell, they consider me a grown man because I am 16 and am physically capable of impregnating a woman. But just because you are a teen and you can do that does not mean that you know how to live. Yeah, I have a brain, I can think for myself, But I don't **** about living in the real world. And as my dad says, "Life is a *****!" I can think for myself all I want, But I still don't know **** about taking care of myself after I'm on my own. I'm still learning from my parents(more so, my dad cause he's a man) about how to take care of myself. Teens saying that your parents need to let you learn for yourself is nothing more than an excuse so they can get their parents to get off their back and let them do whatever the hell they want. And why the hell do teens seem to think that they know more or are more smarter than their parents who(assuming they aren't teen parents) have lived longer? I'm sixteen, my dad is forty, and my mom is, either 39 or 40. my dad has FORTY years of experience of life over my sixteen. I ain't telling him ****! If he's wrong, and I know for certain that he is wrong, I will correct him. But I can't tell him that I need to be independant. You know what he and my ma would say? "Of course you do." "So, get outta my house, stop eatin my food, start paying bills, get a job and get a house." "You can be as independant as you want then." And THAT is what parents need to start sayin to their kids and their teens. The person who started this topic, this is what your mom should have said to you when you were being all disrespectful and sassy. "Oh, you don't fear me? And you gonna backtalk to me? Well, GET the **** outta my house NOW! I ain't lettin some disrepectful punk who think he/she all grown eat my food and then backtalk to me. Who the hell you think you are?"

That what I think your mother should have said to you. Sorry, if it seems mean, but this is what might be is needed since teens wanna act like they all grown. I got smart like you did. One. Time. My dad grabbed the back of my neck and nearly threw me out the house. Never again.

As for ProLucrecia, I think the whole "overprotective" thing is cooked up by teens whose parents won't let them do whatever they want, when they want. And your parents are older than you. So I'm gonna have to say that they have seen some real **** in life. You would do VERY well to listen to your so-called "overprotective" parents. My parents have loosened the reins abit for me, But I still answer to them. Their final word is law and I trust their judgement far more than ANYONE on this forum.

Thank You for listening to my rant. Nice talking to you.

 

No offense Gritz but you are being more pessemistic than the 70 year old lady called margaret who normally gets on the same bus I do every morning to school and she loves to fight with the bus driver and say no one has respect for other people just because they are on the opposite side of the bus and are not starting a conversation with her.

you have beaten myself at the art of being pessemistic (and I've given up on life bar pushing myself to be there for my family and friends) i doubt everything and think I roughly have 69 different types of allergies (I have hayfever to daffodils, poppies, roses, lavender, jasmine, cut grass, snap dragons and even pumpkins!!!) and i think I have a stomach ulcer from stress (and don't you dare say I don't have stress because trust me you are always old enough to have stress so don't use tha line on me or i'll say the exact same words to you as i did my mum).

Oh and you sorta just let slip you have violent parents who are unaware that it is illegal to rag their children about and cause harm to them (or did they just control your life fully because that seems harsh and rude).

I have a fair bit of lenience in my life but I have some rules and my existince is limited to recieving food and geting woken up for school (I do suffer from middle child syndrome + workaholic parents = life that is lonely).

 

W7FHAX just about described what happens to me every night. and I agree with what bunterx said- parents start to feel less in control and try to pull you in closer, which causes you to get farther away.

but, gritz has a point here. as long as you're depending on parents for everything, you really should shut up.

and yet another but- sometimes parents are unfair and dont respect you at all. they demand respect and dont return it, which is why most teens will backtalk and break rules, and make the majority of teens everywhere get a bad rep.

sometimes I've talked to my parents like how W7FHAX did. The only thing I've learned from it is teens never win in the end =/

 

If I said something like that to my parents...I'd get the crap kicked outta me...

 

I don't have violent parents. Far from it. I have disciplinarian parents. My parents know what they can and cannot do to me. They have told me that if I don't like their rules, I can go down to child services. Maybe you don't know this but you are livin the high life. Workaholic parents or no, you are living it. "Controling your life" or no, you are getting free internet, free clothes, free food, and free shelter. All of which YOU MOST LIKELY DIDN'T PAY FOR! And all that they ask of you, in exchange for all this, is that you follow their rules and do what they ask. If I don't like those conditions, I DON'T HAVE TO STAY!!! My parents have said to me "Look, No one is forcing you to stay with me and follow my rules. The only one forcing you to stay is YOU! Cause you KNOW that you are not capable of providing all of these things for yourself." My parents are strict on alot of things, but they have NEVER forced me to stay with them. I CHOOSE to stay! Because, I NEED THEM! It's not illegal to beat(spank) your kids. And I know kids and teens get stress. Never said they didn't. I'm just saying that you will know REAL stress when you stop living off mommy and daddy and are on your own. And I will say that your stress PALES in comparison to the stress of being an adult in this world.

And I'm not pessimistic. I'm just really respectful to people who have lived longer than me. Even people I don't really like.

 

I think that I get it now.
Maybe your mom doesn't want you on for a reason. Not just because she doesn't like the sound of the website, but also because she cares for you. She just doesn't want you to get hurt. Even though she really did go overboard...
Sorry if I got off topic...

 

Really it is hard to make judgment calls and say that W7FHAX was being truly bad. I don't think so. I believe it was more of a miscommunication and misunderstanding, which if the cards were played right, could turn out to help both the mom and teen.

Though some people are slamming on Gritz for his very strong opinion in things, he has some valid points to consider as to why teens are looked at as they are. There ARE teens that will just talk back to talk back, act tough in front of their friends and think they are all ready for the real world, when in fact, they are delusional. Parents are NOT always right, and if one is wrong, a teenager should be able to voice that, but where has 'tact' gone? There -should- be some protection there for children and teens. If parents are over-protective, it's your job as a teen to try a different approach rather than going behind their backs because sooner or later they figure it out. Part of showing you are an adult is confronting them on a decision with tact, debating it, and well, you may have to debate it a few times but sooner or later -most- parents will give in if they see you are capable of not getting too hurt. Any parent's responsibility is to ensure their child's safety and teens are still children.

Parents and teens though aren't easy to just lump in a sum group of stereotype class and say "All teens are rebellious, spoiled and need discipline" and all parents are "over protective, overbearing, dominating and nitpick at whatever teens do". Some teens are rebellious, spoiled and are in severe need of discipline. Usually these teens are products of parents that do not follow through with discipline. Think about it a moment. These kids then motivate others who do have stronger parental figures in their lives to do things they -should not- do and when the teens who do have these stronger parents do them, they get punished or meet walls. The very strong dictator sorts of parents are out there, sure, and it sucks, but there aren't as many as teens like to think. There aren't as many bad teens as parents like to think. All an adult has to do is look back to their teenage years and remember how 'misunderstood' at times they were to see that sometimes parents are wrong, but also look back to some 'tough love' experiences that saved them later and say 'thank you' because that lesson could have been learned horribly later on in life.

I don't know any teen that is -always- happy with the way the parents treat them. I don't know any parent that is -always- happy with what their teen children are out doing. It's up to both parents and teens to work together and if a teenager grew up wishy washy and is morally deficient something went wrong that is on the part of -both- parties; not just the parents. I do believe in this case, it is more a misunderstanding and also a doubting on the parent's part not just of W7FHAX, but of the people she's hanging around. The mother does not know these people and if the impression can be given in a logical way that W7FHAX, or any teen caught in the situation for that matter, is capable of being -independent- and a -free thinker- who was raised on strong ethics and also -commonsense-, this could change things. I don't see either the parent or her as being -wrong- or -right- 100%. The opinion of at least -one- teenager could be repaired here with the parent and as far as the opinions of others, it doesn't matter, if you get what I mean. If the parent believes in the child and the child believes in the parent, and they learn respect for one another, the thoughts of others is insubstantial. So, I'd urge that truly communication is the key here and to try to keep relations open rather than putting up walls of dishonesty or anger. I hope that makes sense because I see everyone's points here and sadly no parents or teens are exact mirrors of what is generally a misconceived stereotype.

 

My point is, parents should teach their children discipline while they are still children. Teach them to obey authority while they are still malleable. Trying to teach them authority while they are teenagers is just wrong. Teenagers are supposed to be finding out what the world is like. They are supposed to be becoming more independent. How can they do that if they are still treated like an 8-year old?

As for your parents paying for you, that is part of being a parent. If parents think that they get special treatment because they, out of the kindness of their hearts, pay to feed and clothe you etc they shouldn't have become parents. IT'S PART OF THE "JOB".

Children who end up "yobbish" tend to have parents who couldn't care less what their children do. Or they are the extreme of anti-discipline and think that their children are adults from the age of 4 -____-. Both extremes are wrong, as is the ultra-totalitarian parent.

Look at my life, my parents taught me right from wrong etc when I was a child. I don't swear, I am well-behaved at school, I am kind and courteous and have good grades. But, my parents don't say "You aren't allowed to go out with your friends" or "No drinking for you until you are 21". They let me live my own independent life, they give me freedoms to let me develop into a balanced adult.

Also, now that I have a part-time job my parents are asking for some of what I earn and I think that is fair. I can never payback all that I "owe" them, but I can contribute to the running of the household.

Also, trust and respect should be built up from early teen years. Your parents should respect your wishes when you are a teenager. You are as capable as them to make certain decisions centred on yourself.

Your parents are also part of the last generation. You may have more knowledge about what is going on than they do. But, shouting at your parents never helps. If you want to be treated like an adult you have to act like one. Throwing tantrums will get you nowhere (not that it applies to this case). Sarcasm is ok but only if used sparingly, it can get really annoying =/.

Back on topic...........what your mother said was said out of ignorance about the internet, which seems to be common among many adults. Taking the time to explain the issue to her and making her understand it is much safer than the media makes it look. I had to do that with my mother (although I don't think she is completely convinced :P).

Sorry if that made little sense, I was typing on the go =/

 

O.o I appreciate all of your opinions. Oh, and lay off of Gritz guys. I didn't ask this question, hoping for someone to be completely one sided, and then everyone against it to beat up on him (although no one is REALLY doing anything wrong on what they've said to Gritz, I can tell its entirely possible this might get worse). Gritz, Bunter (definitely bunter), and Repliku (Repliku posted in my thread! WEEE!! I have been enlightened!) have given me much to think about. (Lol! I'm using Firefox, and it has the option to spell check while you are typing. Repliku, your name is "incorrect". According to Firefox, and whatever spell check thingie they have, your name should be Replicate, Replica's, Replicas, Replica, or Pimplike. Pimplike is at the top of those possible spellings. XD)

Now, I made this thread because I was slightly ticked off, and I felt like I had done something wrong. I still feel that way, but she says its not a problem. Well, I've been thinking. Grown-ups (well, most of them are grown up), can be psychiatrists. Some are especially for teens, and study them, figuring out why the typical teen acts the way they do. Why don't kids study adults? I've decided to expand this thread (I'll keep everything I've got so far, I'm just going to be adding a lot more), so that it will encompass a variety of topics about parents. Kinda convenient that I made the title of the thread Parental Units instead of OMG! My mom is freaking out 'cuz I'm on the internet eh? I will also add my insight on the things I'm posting about, so that you might understand more where I'm coming from.

Because I didn't do this before, some people may have thought me as an ungrateful, uncaring prick (sorry about the language, but after reading what I posted, I thought the same thing of myself) I STILL want people to gimmeh some info. So I can mature...

Now, I also realize how open I left myself for attack. I never got to finish my post. My dad wasn't exactly himself *coughdrunkcough* (Wonder what Gritzy will say about that...), the last night, when I added to my post. So, its kinda broken off (in case anyone noticed/didn't notice). I'll fix that soon. I think I might also defend myself a wee bit from Gritz's assault (for lack of a better word. Well, offensive opinion might work, but it IS just an opinion.) Gritz, I respect you as much as one can in this situation, but dun cuss so much. I try to refrain from doing that. My parents raised me decently.

Another thing. I have a job Gritz. Assume, makes an ***... out of u and me. Why I'm an ass? I assumed people wouldn't take this the wrong way, even though I didn't specify very well what I was looking for. I'm not expecting any of you to shout "**** parents! Who needs 'em!? We can do stuff ourselves." I wasn't expecting anyone to worship them either... I'm just trying to find out everyone's opinion on several different matters, that I PROMISE to clarify and add to soon.

I love the Intelligent Discussion thread, and hover around here a lot, seeing what everyone thinks. I'm curious of the world around me, and the people who inhabit it. With the recent family strains I've had (I'm not going to list them here, some are a little too personal, and I dun require opinions from people. I've got my own, and I don't think anyone could ever change them. The one's I'm putting here? I don't have much of an opinion, and it could easily be swayed one way or the other.), I decided it might be a good idea to immerse myself here, and then figure out what's going on. I know this is a touchy topic. If you can't say anything without putting others down, please... I ask you as nicely as possible, to get the **** off the internet, and take a walk through a park. Get some air. Calm down. Life is great as long as you look at it in a good way. Its not even that bad if its a more neutral perspective. Dun breed hate and then put it here. Pretty plz? Alright, I'm done for now. I have some homework to do. I've gotta go do some volunteer work in an hour, so Id better finish it before I come home all sweaty and gross.

Toodles.

P.S.: Excuse the grammar/punctuation/capitalization errors. I was trying to type fast.

 

Well, if what you say is true, problem solved for you really, not much else, I think you can add but I'll say around for it!

 

=:( Whaddoya mean it's not in the dictionary? It will be someday. I'm sure it is just an error on their part that it has been omitted. Such a shame. Repliku is actually the name for Riku Replica, because I'm lazy and hate to say the whole thing out, not that anyone probably didn't know. However, I should be mentioned in Firefox's listings as a proper word. I'll have to email them about that. If Pimplike though means Repliku...I may be going to get this nick changed soon. *snickers*

I think you are on the right track and you are cognitive, thinking this stuff through. It shows a maturity simply in the fact that you asked this and your responses are also thoughtful. You also are thinking through things people say and asking for help to mature. I think you could also ask your mother some of these things too, and have a serious talk with her. Part of what will really help your relationship with her now is communication. As for your dad, guess he's not the person to go to, unless he's sober. =:/

I do agree with what someone else above commented on, saying that it is important to teach children when they are young to be mindful, respectful, intuitive, and encourage them to be educated etc. I do feel that many parents wait until a kid is a teenager to really start expecting them to -follow the rules- etc, and then it is too late. All teens start moving away from ideals of parents and testing the fields but unless people want their kids to get into some unscrupulous things, and want them being made into followers that go with -bad crowds-, they should instruct kids early on with all I've said as well as self-confidence. I don't think a parent out there can say they always got along with all their parents said, but if they were raised decently enough, they knew to respect the parent, despite the off views that parent may have. An open-minded parent will also learn from their kids things as they are raising them.

Also, another comment was raised that parents who act like they are 'giving you so much' when it comes to clothing, school stuff, etc is a reason for them to 'dominate' you...they should know they are doing their duties. The duties of a parent seem simple enough truly, which is 1. to set a kid up with a good set of qualities that prepares them for the real world and 2. to make sure the child's health and mental stability is fine. I have heard of parents who won't even teach their teens to -drive- which to me is an integral part of our society and cripples a person later in life to be co-dependent on others. Teaching kids responsibility and respect comes early on in life so that when the teen years occur, there can be more of a trust instead of this big gap. However, responsibility also falls on the children too, which means that teens should see their parents aren't perfect but do give credit where credit is due. The parents have fought to raise kids as best as they can and some are severely lacking, but if it is that bad, you certainly can learn what -not to do- when you have kids. Sometimes parents are not as -hip- and with it as we want, but at the same time, what they like and a teen likes aren't always going to be the same, even if they are with the times. Teens that don't get their way, most will accept this if they can have a reason why. Maybe you can't have that pair of super 200 dollar shoes because the parents feel it's a waste of money and takes food away from you otherwise etc. There are usually reasons why parents do stuff and as a teen, you should be able to start asking and be willing to hear out the answer. It will help you get a taste more of what the real world outside of under the roof is like. Living alone is great, and it's a joy and freedom when you are ready for it, but many people aren't as ready for it in the beginning as they can be. Ask the questions if you can, speak with parents and try to work as a team if you do have any possibility for it. The only exceptions really are those kids who are child abused and well...their parents did them a favor of making them know that although life outside from them may be a bit odd and even terrifying or frustrating at times, at least it's not as bad as home.

I don't believe teens or parents are always to blame etc. I think it comes down to each individual person and how they are willing to make things work. I don't like it when people blame everything on parents or teens, because we just can't know without investigating each case. You made a point also, that teens get investigated and such by psychiatrists but why aren't parents subjected as much to it? I do know sometimes parents are examined too, but you are right that often it seems kids are the targets that need fixed. However, if the kid is straight with things and explains things out, often a psychiatrist will try to do family therapy if possible, when realizing that the kid is not just doing things for the purpose of rebelling or hating authority. So if any of you ever do have to deal with such a thing, I would urge you cooperate with a psychiatrist and don't give the person too hard a time because it could work out in your favor that you get your life set up and can mature and learn, but also the adults can cope with their situations too and educate themselves on the matters.

 

PALES in Comparison?????

Let's review my life fully shall we...

I'm a target in all of my schools for my quiet personalities.

-I've been hit on the head by a football over 30 times in my life intentionally (it's over 50 if you count accidents)

-I've been insulted by people over 2000 times (more than 3/4's of that is from one person alone who started his hell spree 9 years ago...)

-That annoying person has turned all of my friends from my old school against me.

-That same person has degraded me at least twice every week (though it's normally 9 times a week)

-I'm a new victem to someone else (who is using physical violence and made me cough blood up from the pain once)

-I'm an academic who is terrible (apparently my science and english are total rubbish)

-No one has ever been truely kind to me (bar 4 people)

-I'm a cowards and am assumed I have a female's lower body anatomy that leaks tar (and more than 20 people believe it. and I'm a MALE)

-I've been called gay in the homosexual way more than 90 times in front of me (you might triple that for behind my back) which is wrong because I'm bisexual.

-My parents HAVE NEVER TALKED TO ME BECAUSE THEY FEEL LIKE IT (and trust me Gritz I have tried to talk to them about stuff and be nice, they only tell me what to do)

-I have never experienced quality time with family since I was 8 (the start of my mum's climb to workaholism)

-I have a brother who has been drunk and lost his house keys three times (I let him into the house and helped him out on all those occasions at a time called 3AM)

-I am beginning to lose my true friends somehow due to the person who ruins my life that I mentioned before.

-I'm absolutely hopeless in romance (I am 15 and haven't even kissed someone ever)

-My hair is always horrible

-I've considered suicide 30 times but am too much of a coward to do so.

-I'm that person who kills anything with terrible humor and all the above (i drove someone to hate final fantasy ithout knowing so...)

-My back is always in pain and nothing is helping (everyone think i'm being a drama queen)

-No one believes me when I'm ill (unless I vomit in front of them or don't flush the toilet after gainaing the runs)

-I have developed a problem where I talk to my self allt he time

-I'm so bad at sports that someone said a stick would be more useful and said I had dopwns syndrome or was high on drugs or was a ****** (they used all three terms in the gap of an hour)

-I have been depressed at least once a day (I've never gone a day without sadness on my face at least twice)

-I'm developing a stomach ulcer (or some intestine problem) from all this stress I'm getting

I may seem a bit over the top but I'm being honest and telling you all the things that are getting to me and I'm totally aware of the REAL WORLD I'm not an idiot (as most in my school think). i know what money bills and all that is (My brother wastes electricity all the time making our electric bills cost over £200 a week and our house is small as it next to the other 200 houses on the road that are all connected)

So if you want to say thast my stress pales in comparison to living a real life (when half the bad things I receive are because I'm a quiet kind person) then you're sadly mistaken the real world is a challenge but it's not like all the people out there (inwoprk land) are the victims to numerous people who bully them every day (I didn't even start on the sexual harrassment issues).

and so i end my extremely long post here saying to you gritz that you are over assuming on people and thinking they are not as bad off as working class people. I'm fully aware my life is worse than that because I've confided nearly all of that to my nan who was a workeing class woman who worked as a cleaner in every possible place in our city back in the day and now lives off a pension that gives her £40.23 each week. and my nan said that was a life that a perosn like me shouldn't have to live through cos it's sounds too stressful)

i hope I've clearyl made my point Gritz that you barely know me and think working class people have the most stress in suburban areas (we're not counting homeless people in this case right now.)

 

Damn. I really had no idea. I can't really say that I know how you feel. The only one I can say that I understand was being assulted by some punk *****s in my neighborhood. My crime? Being respectful and "talkin like a white boy"( I live in a very ghetto black neighborhood) Otherwise, I would be lying if I did. I go by faith on alot of issues. But, from what I've seen, you seem to be a victim of the animalistic school system. The victim of a bunch of teenagers who have no moral groundings and are basically a bunch of pack animals that just run with the pack. Kids today in this run-with-the- pack culture are just extremely cruel. I just really do not feel your pain because I was homeschooled for the better part of my life. I grew up with my two brothers. It is why we are so close and not just living in the same place like alot of siblings today. Anyway, you seem to really be going through alot. And I really apologize for assuming. I just see alot of forum topics like this everywhere and the majority are just a bunch of liberal, whiney, immature, brats who are mad because mommy won't let them go to a Linkin Park concert. While your troubles sound pretty bad, All I have to say is don't complain and don't curse or disrespect your parents. Because, in the end, it is you that will come out golden. The old saying "It could ALWAYS be worse" really rings true. Your parents could beat you everyday and starve you. You could be homeless and living under a bridge in a box. You could have AIDS, You could live in a shack with no electricty and have to **** in a bucket. You may feel that your life is pretty bad, but I can think of alot of people who would give all of their limbs if they could switch lives with you. Sometimes you just gotta learn to take the good along with bad if you cannot help the bad. Try to think of the good things that you have in life and be thankful for them. Be thankful that you have these things to alleviate your stress. And think of where you would be without them. That is all I can say. I hope you find real happiness in life and in your future, both far and near. May God keep you.

 

Thank you Gritz that really cheered me up (being serious). I refuse to give up on life because of my nakama and my hopes (Nakama is a true friend)

 

Yeah, my mom knows i'm on the forum. It's just that she foprgets as soon as i tell her and starts talking about the bible,heaven,h3llfire, and abominations. Also how me being emo is against God. =/