Parental Units...

I'm sorry if this topic was brought up before. The title does not deal with what I'm asking though, its about the widespread belief stated by the typical person older than, let's say... 35 and with kids? Alright, here's what happened tonight.



Well, its time to do exactly what my mommy says I'm not supposed to do. Now I'm getting ahead of myself. Lemme explain...

My mother called me to dinner. So, I sadly get off this site and go to the dining room. Well, while eating, my mom asked what I've been doing instead of cleaning my room. I said "Oh, just talking with some peoples..." in an off-hand way. In my defense, I also added "But, I have been cleaning my room. If you didn't notice, my bed is made, my t.v. has been heavily sprayed with Windex and wiped clean, my PS2 was dusted, along with my stereo. I've even vacuumed my area rug."

"Are you kidding me? Your room is trashed." She gets up from the table, and goes to my room. I follow, my head hanging, anticipating the soon-to-come fight. I had no idea how bad it would get. As usual, she stormed in, and immediately began rambling about things that used to be wrong, but I've fixed.

Halfway through, I broke in "Mom, I've done all of that. Look" She actually looked around this time... Then began with things that were "wrong".

"Oh yeah!? You never emptied the trash like I told you to."

I looked over, and noticed there was one balled up piece of paper in it. I sighed. "Mom, you can't honestly expect me to empty my trash every time I throw something in it, can you? That would defeat the purpose of this trashcan being in my room. I empty it when its full, like it was earlier, after you originally told me to do it. I did it, and since then, I've found stuff that deserved to be thrown away."

"Your closet's a mess as well." At this point, I realized I wasn't going to win.

"Fine, I'll do it when I'm done eating pizza." I walked out as fast as possible, and wolfed down a piece. By the time she was out of my room, I had finished one whole piece, and was halfway through a second. This is normally how dinner is, me eating too fast. Family discussions at the table usually focus on me, and I almost always end up at the short end.

"Slow down. You're going to choke." She said, looking at me strangely. She then spoke what was on her mind. "Who were you talking with? Someone hiding in that dirty closet of yours?"

"Nah, they wouldn't fit. Its trashed, remember?" I said sarcastically.

My little sister who had been sitting at the table watching the events take place, piped in with "No, he's talking with people on the internet."

"Oh, so you're just e-mailing people you know from school?"

"No, not exactly..." I added, scared of what would happen when she realized that I was a part of a forum, and thinking of ways to harm my little sister.

"Well, then what are you doing?"

I stared at my hands for a few moments, and then took a deep breath. "I've been a part of a forum, talking with people from who knows where, and who knows what their real names are, we just use usernames. They could be the 80 year old man who lives down the street, or a person in one of those nice penitentiaries who's in their library, on the internet during his free time. We talk about video games, manga, anime, and other things you know little to nothing about. 'Kay thanx bye." I said all of this really, fast. I quickly got up while she was slowly taking in everything, and threw my paper plate away. I was halfway to my room when she called me back to the table.

"So, you're doing exactly what I told you not to do. You're talking on the internet, and you have no idea who they are. What are you talking to them about?"

"Video games. The site is a fan site of a very popular video game. You wouldn't understand, you've never played any of the games, or read anything about it."

"Then make me understand..."

I've been trying to put exactly what was said by both of us thus far, so then you could see what I'm getting at. Now, I can't remember most of the things that happened after this. part. But I do remember what happened after this more or less.

....

"So, you're talking to people about random things, and video games?"

"Yup"

"Well, I don't like it. I want you off of the site."

"But, I just got my laptop back!!!"

"So, that's not the only thing you do on there."

I kinda stood there, and scuffed my foot on the floor. "Fine. I'll stop telling people exactly where I live, how to get to our house the fastest, and to come kill us all in our sleep..." (After the ... I added a bunch more things that involved some very morbid things with our corpses. I'd better not say that here. All the stuff I said, about telling people my personal info, of course I've never done, but she assumed that that's what I've been doing. I don't think I'm stupid enough to do that. Wutev.)

She kinda stared at me for a bit, and then asked slowly "Are you being sarcastic with me?"

"Yes." I asnwered quickly.

She made some weird noise way back in her throat, and said "____ said you'd give me an attitude, and disrespect me once you became a teenager." (___ is her sister, my aunt, and my godmother.)

"I honestly don't think that teenagers disrespect their parents. I know I respect you. I love you. The problem is, I no longer fear you."

Her mouth hung open for a minute, and then she got up and went into her room.


Alright, I'm sorry for the length, but this is what I feel is Intelligent Discussion worthy. This is aimed at any age group. Teens, state why we are stereotyped as hoodlums, and disrespectful people. Some of our older members (I dun mean to say old, but its all I can think of) that remember what it was like to be a teenager (for most of you, it wasn't long ago at all), think of what you were like then, and what your view is now. Thank ye.

 

umm....i just dont' think it's wise telling them about the forum. you could've just lied, like say you were playing solitair or something.

 

I know, I probly should've. Oh well. Too late now, xD.

 

I haven't changed much since I was a teenager - I have definitely matured thats for sure. But as disrespect goes......i think I only slightly rebellious when i was 16-17 when I was in my senior years of high school. Fridays night I stayed out until late - even though mum wanted me home by 10pm. In the end she didn't care what time I came home - as long as I came on at a decent hour (not 5am).

think the first time and last time, I really turned on my mum was in grade 12 - I was highly stressed underneath my school work. Mum came in to my bedroom and had a go at me, I shouted back - and that was it. Mum never blasted at me like that ever again - I think I got some respect that day.

But yes, I have become less fearful of my mum now - even though she seems to keep having goes at me, just cos I don't do house work the way she wants it to be done - heck I clean all the time at work -_-

Really, I have always respected my elders - mum, her friends..... I guess thats the way I have been brought up. Plus my grandmother was quiet strict about respect when she was alive.

 

I don't think I have ever had a really bad exchange with my parents, I have argued with them over small things.

I agree that some (not all) parents watch too much tv and read too many "parenting books". They think that their innocent little child is going to turn into a demon that starts sleeping around, drinking, smoking, doing drugs and staying out to all hours. Really they are just scared. Scared that they are losing control over their child and that they can't keep you safe anymore.

My mum won't let me go out until she knows as much as she can about where I'm going, who I'm going to be with, when I will be back, if I need picked up, if I can get a bus or a taxi etc etc. I know it is because she cares for me and worries about my safety but at the same time want to be independant enough to look after my own safety.

 

Lol. That story was pretty funny.

Sounds like something I'd do.

My mom isn't angry about the fact I go on the internet though.

 

Believe me, been their done that, i had to tell my parents I was talking on some froums whenI was talking to this suicidal guy, and promise I would speak to them one night, but my whole PC went down and lost everything, I couldn't believe it, in the end i had to tell them that I needed to talk to the person, and now my mum is always sying, don't trust anyone, on the net, its stating to get annoying but I can't help it, I did it for someone i care about, wouldn't change it really...
But if you state that your never going to meet anyone or see anyone on here, post your pic up or anything like that, staing your age and so on, she'll come around saying you'll be as safe as possible and hopes she trusts you, it worked for me, hopefully it'll work for you my friend!

 

I also have the same problem. My mother is obsessed with my internet safety. She doesn't know I've posted a picture of myself, or that anyone knows my name and age. She also doesn't know that my bebo account is public not private. I think she is just worrying over nothing. I mean, surely if someone was that determined they'd be able to find that out anyway?

White lies tend to be your best bet in this sort of situation. What she doesn't know can't hurt her =/

 

I almost got a whopping of a lifetime from saying i was on a forum annd had been doing it for 6 months, but thankfully, since I was helping someone they both let me off.
And I still don't think it is smart, your just making peoples loves easier to hurt you or rape you if you show your face and information about yourself, i know how this people think, they get into your head use everything personnsl about you to break you to their will, I once knew someone on a forum, who was showing all his information on the net, they emailed me after weeks of not being on, I found out he was raped and almost murded, he now livs his life in denial and haven't heard from him since then, he won't ever go back on the internet again, thats why I urge people not to do anything stupid, sorry if its harsh, but I don't want people in pain...

 

I was meaning to a certain extent, giving details like your address and telephone number is just stupid >_> It's asking for trouble. But your name and age is fine IMO. People should be smart enough to not give out sensitive personal information online >_>

 

Actually I don't see anything wrong about talking with other people on the internet.I've made alot ALOT of friends in many sites and I was actually going to meet a great friend of mine from the United States but never got the chance to see her because I was grounded for a week.
But it's not that your mom hates the site or anything,she may be worried about you.
There have been many reports and cases about people being kidnapped by giving their adress to corrupts trough the internet.
She's just worried about you,that's all.

 

Maybe that's why teens have such a bad rep. Because they get a certain age then ya'll think ya'll grown and ya'll can do whatever the hell ya'll want to. I read your story. And all I can say is, that you might as well have told your mother "I don't love you, I hate you, I wouldn't care if you died." when you said that I don't fear you. You were completely disrespectful. I say this because I was raised in a family that taught me to have complete respect for my elders. I was raised to not follow my "friends" and to follow people who truly have my best intrest at heart. And to see your mother completely disrespected by you after all she has done for you(raising you, bathing you, PAYING 15.99 a month for your internet, feeding you, looking out for your well-being) just really sickens me. To be honest, my mother would have punched the hell outta me till she drew blood. You don't EVER disrespect your parents like that. My dad said this once, "You have alot of enemies in this life without making enemies of people that are supposed to be your allies."

 

My mom is kind of like that. (although she would never allow me to use a paper plate). She thinks that everyone in the world is either out to rape or kidnap me, and I know it's because she cares, but she doesn't have to worry so much. Firstly, I live in a very quiet town. If there were any suspicious people going around, people would know. And it's not like I hang out in alleyways or something.

Personally, I think forums are good for you in many cases. They help you connect with people far away, learn about new customs and can actually teach you thinks. Over the year and a half I've been on here, I'd say I've mentally matured a lot more than if I had never hit that register button.

My mom has a vague idea that I'm not just sitting up in my room playing Tetris all day. Sure, she'd get a little pissed if she found out I put up pictures of myself, but we'd get through it.

Don't worry. My mom was a little mad when she firsty knew I was going on forums, but after a while she calmed down. She sat with me and explained never to give my address or last name to anyone, and of course I already knew that, but I nodded and pretended like that was something I'd have to edit out.

But personally, I don't think adults give us enough credit. They think we're all bad people and that something is going to happen to use, just like the people they read about in the papers.

 

Sometimes I wish my parents cared more like that. They say "We are always proud of you no matter what you do," which I suppose means they have a lot of trust in me, but it also makes life more difficult. It means having more independence which is great sometimes but other times I'd like a bit of support.

And concerning kh-vids, one day I was on here and my dad asked, "Why are you always looking at the same page?" So I told him "It's not a single page, it's an entire forum." Then he just left it at that. I almost wish he would have questioned me about it =/

 

YES!!! I've been waiting for someone to do this. This was my whole point. To compare and contrast different people and the ways they were raised. My problem is, is that this is the way I felt until I turned... 13? My older friends always talked shlt about their parents, and I never understood where they were coming from. I always thought they were crazy, and that there parents should thrash them. But, like I said, my thoughts magically changed when I hit "the changing of one's body and over production of hormones commences!", or puberty. My question? Why does that happen? Why are teens suddenly like this, and why do a majority of parents refuse to accept this change, that they (more often than not) went through?

Now, here are my views directly reflecting on your post and what it has to do with what I'm so curious about. First thing... "... I read your story. And all I can say is, that you might as well have told your mother 'I don't love you, I hate you, I wouldn't care if you died.' when you said that I don't fear you."

Like... if fear = love... I don't ever want to love. You said me being unafraid of an older family member is disrespectful (more or less). There's a very fine line between respect and fear. Hell, maybe this is just Western Civilization/Culture speaking right now. I know that most eastern cultures are completely devoted to ancestors and elders. I've heard in some places, that not obeying a direct order from an elder is the equivalent to breaking one of the 10 commandments in Christianity. Shlt, I'm getting into religion and government. I need to stop. Anyway...

EDIT: D: I know I disrespected my mom. I'm going to sound a little rude here, but I don't need help from you people's about how to resolve my problem - Its already been done. I thank you guys for it though, lol. My original question still stands, why do teens get a bad rep. on being so disrespectful, do you agree with this, why, and why do you think teenagers act like this? Please state your opinion, and I will more often then not, challenge it. I won't bash you, I promise, I juse wanna see everyone's views.

 

The reason I believe teens have that rep is because in this culture, alot of teens get to an age and they think that they all grown and that they can do whatever and nobody can say **** to them. My view on that is that if you are still livin with your parents, and heavily relying on them for resources, then you need to shut the hell up with all that backtalk. You ain't payin for that internet. Whoever has the gold makes the rules. As for "mentally maturing" on a forum, bah! You don't mentally mature by talking on a forum to geeks you barely know about irrelevent crap like Kingdom Hearts. You really mentally mature by having to pay bills, having to worry about how you gonna pay the rent, Having to worry about getting a place to live, getting food, making a decent income. THAT'S how you will get alot of mental maturity IMO.

 

I feel bad for both the author of the first post and her mom. It seems that the mom is just trying to do her job and be protective, but is also not savvy with computers or video games etc, so it's hard to understand the kid's life all the time. I can tell the last remark about -fearing- her hurt, and I can see that W7FHAX was also hurt and frustrated. The situation is bad but not -that- bad.

If I were you, I'd go and try to have a serious conversation with her and tell her that you'll butt out the sarcasm if she will just hear you out. Tell her you'll show her around the forums here and that the situation isn't as bad as she assumes it could be. Also tell her if you -feel- it's true, that you are responsible enough to never give out information on yourself or do anything foolish, and if you ever did find someone who you'd want to talk to over the phone or something, you would tell her first before calling or giving out your number. Tell her if she lets you talk here, you'll work with her and keep her informed of things. Tell her also, this is a site full of teens, tweens and adults that all just mostly come here to talk about video games and stuff and there are strict rules here against the sort of things that could happen and that the Admin and mods are present easily.

Also another thing may be to ask a Mod or Sara in a PM or so if the person would not mind corresponding with your mom for a bit to explain what their job is and what the site is about. Your mom is just being a mom and at least she cares and is actually doing it. In the end being honest with parents can seem like you are shooting yourself in the foot sometimes, but this could work out better for you if she understands it and you are clear and open with her on it. It's too late to really go back now, unless you want to wait a while and hope she doesn't do anything drastic.

You already do the right thing any way of not giving out information, and perhaps your sarcasm about the situation shows how mature you are in that you would not be one of the ignorant people who does that. I wish you luck. I do feel you were somewhat -disrespectful- but I also believe that you had a reason to be and when tensions get heated up, things are said. It does not mean, however, that you cannot go talk to her again and try to work this out. I think you and your mother would be stronger for doing so. Arguments happen and parents, nor kids are perfect. I can't think of a teenager and parent that didn't have some issues with growing up, in all seriousness. I didn't get along with my parents because they were abusive since age 5, so I only have others to go off of. I can say though that I think she does care, and this can be dealt with. If you show her the maturity to sit there with her and do this thing, her attitude of you will be better. Also, what will help her is that you -talk- to her, even if she doesn't like what it is you have to say and that you are honest. That's something strong to stand with.

 

You did not just down talk kingdom hearts....

BTW Gritz you are talking just like a negative senile old lady in a movie I hate to watch. You are quite negative and rude yourself by talking people down constantly with your words. Yes some of us are not open to the big mean world and all but there is no need to be so pessemistic (and I'm a heavy pessemistic/depression enriched person) I know perfectly well about things like bill but in this case the mom was over reacting and didn't know enough about the arguement she wanted. I've had my nasty spats with my mom but not as much as the screw-up big brother of mine and I argue even less with her than the princess little daughter (they don't notice prblems with me until I say something or am in a silent Garnet phase). I know what parents are like and they are 9/10 times overeacting at things they don't fully understand (i once tried to explain a game to my mom and she was immensely bored and ignored me, she even hates my manga). But my mom was angry at me because I got a copy of harry potter before everyone else in the house and was upset at a part and she told me not to express my emotions on the book because I was spoiling it for her (it's almost the same as saying go read in your room, which she has said).

well I've said a lot and could get even more rude on Gritz but if you wanna have an opinion battle be ready cos my Rinoa Heartilly has just junctioned only meteor on and is about to cast her Angel Wing limit break (if that startegy is tuned well enough it can defeat Ultimecia as you just watch it all unfold) all the FFVIII experts will know what I mean.

 

I have to say I disagree Gritz. I admit that you respect your parents wishes as they are the ones who provide for you etc. But they have to show repsect back. They have to repsect that you are becoming an independant person. You have a brain, you can look after yourself and make your own decisions.

Love and/or repsect should be nothing to do with fear. Your parents shouldn't want you to fear them. They want you to fear the consequences of your actions, it's how you learn the difference between right and wrong. But you shouldn't fear your parents for being them.

As I have said before, parents are there to protect you. That is their job and as you get older it becomes harder for them to do it. They feel less and less in control so they get scared. They try to pull you closer and in doing that they push you further away as you try to become your own person.

I have to say Gritz you have a very dated view =/ Sure your parents brought you into the world and raised you, but surely anyone could have done that? I know it sounds harsh, but your parents are really just people, kind and caring people who have protected and supported you throughout your childhood, but still people =/.

As for maturing mentally, that happens through interaction with others. Comparing your view of the world with that of other people. That can be done in many ways, including over the internet.

Parents should NEVER make their children lose their free will, it's part of being human. Once a teenager has lost their free will and does exactly what their parents say all the time they have lost their life. You are supposed to bend the rules a little bit. It is how you test your limits. This is ALL part of growing up and maturing as an adult human being.

 

I know. Parents, so over-protective. My dad is like your mom.