Well, now that I'm here, why not write a bit? Me loves writing O.O LOL! Here goes a story I have been thinking about lately and wanted people to take a look at it. It's my first horror type of story (action-horror). Honestly I don't know if it’s a PG-13 or an R rated story... If anyone feels kind of sure about what rating it should have please tell me. The R could be for extreme violence, blood and gore, use of alcohol, and sexual themes (the sexual themes part is like "hard-core flirting" NOT EXPLICIT NOR ANYTHING LIKE IT!) If this story is best kept away from this forum please tell me and I'll remove it right away. Thanks BTW, English is not my first language so sorry about any slips... Pandemonium Inferno of the Heart CHAPTER 1 Demons kill, women slay "Run, run, RUN!†Aaron’s thoughts gave little options, fear crawled up his spine as his feet moved instinctively. He was speeding through a large and beautiful park, lighted only by moonlight. He had been taking a midnight walk before "IT" appeared. "This is a nightmare... just a nightmare" he thought, yet he did not stop running. It was all too hard to believe, too... terrifying. He tried not to pay attention to the corpses that lay around him. Their flesh torn form their bones, half-eaten organs splattered all around... brains, eyes, and blood, rivers of blood. Cold sweat covered Aaron’s face and his fists were numb from squeezing too hard on themselves. An almost unbearable shiver ran down his back as he stepped on a corpse's head, smashing it. How could this grotesque scene be real? Suddenly his mind overpowered his body and he stopped, turning to face his unseen pursuer. "It's not real, it's not real, if I face it I will wake up and that'll be the end of this". An unbearable explosion of sound announced the appearance of whatever had caused such chaos and death. A huge beast emerged form the ground, making Aaron fall hard on his back. The boy stared in awe and horror, not closing his eyes even as blood rained on his face. The monster had the shape of a worm with numerous human body parts growing from its slime-covered body. Its head had numerous eyes forming circles around a massive final eye that stared back at Aaron. The head started to split, forming a mouth, grotesquely drooling blood and saliva. The nausea inspiring liquid was littered with half digested people, some of which were stuck between the razor-sharp teeth that covered every sing square inch of the monster's mouth. The foulest of breaths reached Aaron as the creature finished "shaping" its mouth, yet the boy's terror was too great and didn't react to the stench. The thing reared its head, it was time to feed. When the monster lounged at Aaron, he let out a screech of pure horror and covered his face with his arms, but, strangely the beast fell to one side, just missing Aaron. The boy rolled to one side and clumsily got up, ready to run once more. The monster didn't move, slowly the horrid growths on its back fell limply and one last unbearable breath escaped the thing's mouth. Before Aaron got close, a lump started forming on the beast's skin, as if something were trying to get out... and something did get out. Aaron fell on his bottom, startled by the explosion of blood caused by whatever had escaped the worm's body. As he opened his eyes, an extremely unusual sight appeared before him: A woman, about his age, stood boldly on one of the creature's eyes. Her blood-red hair fell to mid-back and her similarly colored eyes observed the worm's body with disdain. Aaron then noticed one very disturbing thing: the girl was naked. The boy blushed and thought of looking away, but couldn't... She was... perfect. The girl's body was beautiful, not only in a male-female attraction point of view... but in another "artistic" way. "If God were an artist", Aaron thought, "This is his masterpiece". The boy had not noticed that "God's masterpiece" was covered in blood and slime, yet she was quite aware of this and calmly jumped off the carcass and dove into a nearby pond. Aaron’s utter fascination gave an immense leap when the girl came out of the water; her wet hair, smooth and flawless skin, Aaron could not stop staring at such beauty. The girl walked up to him and looked at him in the eye with a neutral expression. "Where are my clothes?" sounded a tender but firm voice. Suddenly Aaron became aware of the reaction his body had had at seeing a naked woman, and not just any naked woman. To top things off she was quite close to him now. Aaron got up and looked around; he soon saw some clothes neatly folded over a bench. Not being able to speak he simply pointed in the bench's direction. The girl walked to it and got dressed. As she tied her hair into a ponytail, she walked up to Aaron once again. This time she wrapped her arms around him and made sure her breasts were pressed against the boy's chest. Aaron blushed even more; his eyes locked on the now seductive ones of the red-haired girl, their lips almost touched. "You had enough with seeing my body?" suddenly fear and embarrassment filled the boy's being, but he was kept in place by the girl's arms. "I, I didn't mean to! I just...! Don't kill me!" He begged. "I don't want to kill you, I want something else" she replied, as her lips slowly caressed Aaron’s neck. The boy considered touching her for some second, before he shook his head and managed to get some distance between the girl and him. "Wait, what just happened? What was that thing?"-"Does it matter?"-"Of course it matters!"-"I'll tell you after we have fun, ok?"-"No, I, Im not that kind of guy!". Aaron trembled, he feared the girl would kill him from not wanting to have sex with her... but he was definitely not one of those guys that simply go around sleeping with any pretty girl they met... He had firm beliefs, and one of them was that he only wished to make love to a woman he loved... Maybe that naive belief would be his death now. To Aaron’s surprise, the girl just nodded and started to walk away. "Take care, demons really hate good guys like you" she said, and disappeared into the darkness of the night. The boy sighed in relief, but his nightmare was not yet over. His eyes met with a corpse that stared at him with lifeless eyes... blood, nausea, Aaron wasn't feeling well. Dizziness made him stumble and in seconds he lost conscience. End of chapter Well, hope you liked it! And please tell me if it's under-rated with a PG-13... I'll be continuing it soon! P.D. I'd REALLY appreciate some good-ol' constructive criticism... I really want to get better at writing. Thanks!
That was amazing, and I have no critisism to give, especially since you write just like me.>_> It's fine though, especially since you warned, and it isn't that much of a problem really. As long as you don't go too detailed into the, erm, "kinky" part, then it will be alright, but this really is a marvelous story. Congrats, you have caught my attention, and I want another chapter.
I've seen much worse gory and bloody descriptions and yours is alright right now. I assume you know the difference between something that is acceptable and unacceptable when you are describing something... ...which means no description of having 'fun'. Anyway, I think you've got quite an interesting idea but I think you rushed it a bit. You should write what Aaron was doing before he started running and some background. I mean, just from reading your work, I assume it's an apocalypse world where mankind are pratically trying to survive.
