Hey Everyone!! Okay so i thought i would make up a story....About Organization 13 once again!! Not sure if this has been written before but anyways! ~ Chapter 1 ~ "We are WHAT?!?!" Xaldin shouted "It was Axel's Idea to get out of the castle!" Xemnas said, trying to calm Xaldin down "Hey dont blame it on me!!" Axel had over heard them A couple of days ago Axel got fed up with working so hard He said 'Why cant we have a break' and now thats what they are getting "I didnt say we would travel in the old van!! It is....Old!!" Axel complained "Well what else are we going to travel in?" Xemnas put his hands on his hips Axel sighed Now everyone hated him!! "Cmon Axel its not that bad...i guess!" Roxas came along with his suit case It was a brown old one. Although it was old it could fit alot of stuff in it but Roxas never carried to much anyway Larxene came out to the van "Well im packed!!" She said looking at the others Everyone just starred at her She had 6 big pink suit cases and they could see a hair dryer a radio a microwave, make-up and millions of clothes "Larxene, you sure you havint packed your whole room in there?" Luxord joked "Oh shut up Luxord its not that bad..." Larxene then looked at everyone else's suit cases and what they had packed The least they had was two bags at the maximum "Okay....so i need to get rid of a few things....so what?" She looked at her suit cases "So....what do i get rid of??" Larxene just sighed "Maybe get rid of all your electrical stuff!!" Roxas suggested "And some of your clothes" Zexion walked out with his black suit case "But but but......." Larxene stuttered " Oh give it up Larxene" Vexen looked at her Larxene poked her tongue out at Vexen and got rid of some of her stuff Now she only had one big pink suit case "Okay so are we all ready?" Xemnas asked them all "Where are we going exactly?" Xigbar asked while playing with a ping-pong ball Marluxia looked at Xigbar in the weirdest way "Why are you bringing that?!?" Marluxia looked at the ping-pong ball "Because i want to!!" Xigbar got in the car So did the rest of them Although some of them didnt get to pick who they were sitting next to Roxas was next to Axel Saix was next to Xemnas (Who was driving) Luxord was next to Larxene Vexen was next to Lexaeus Marluxia was next to Demyx Xaldin was next to Xigbar And Zexion wanted to be a loner ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Okay so how was it? Comments would be good! (Dont worry i will make chapter 2 much longer!!)
Uh... I think you could definately use some help to make it cleaer and more interesting... But it's a great idea... XD; Jeez... I swear, I was getting ready to make a fanfic about this, too... >.>; *shrugs* It'll come later...
It could be a longer story.its interesting,bt if its supposed to be comdy then you need to make it sound funny.
XD I could just see the orgymoblile! A big van that is able to fit 13 people in it. And when people pass by, they see 13 adults crammed in the back seats of the van! Oh, this is great!
='( I was going to write a fanfic about something like this soon too ='( Oh well Yeah, you can use some work on making it a bit more clearer, and you had some grammar problems. I thought it was pretty good, but theres room for improvment. Read it over a few times before you post it to make sure that it sounds good. Good job though :) :) :)
Yeah forgot to mention this is my first story so it will be a bit crappy at first (sorry if i just swore)
It was pretty good (: But the thing other pepole have said is true. And you need a little more fun in it ^^ But the suit case idea was good.
