Okay, so to make sure we understand each other, I'm not the person who goes to a forum and complaining about my problems to others. I just need this of my chest, since I can't talk to others about this. don't get me wrong, i tried, but my friends just can't help me and I just can't tell them everything. It's just that you guys are also my friends, but I don't know you irl, so you cannot judge me the way my friends can. it's a bit hard to explain this but yeah, here it goes. so about two years ago, my dad left the house. in a couple of weeks he became an alcoholic and had alot of fights with my mom, even hitting her, and trying to hit me, which he didn't cuz I'd just run. after a month or so, they split up and he left to live else were. i haven't spoken him since. a year after that, my mom got a new boyfriend. nice fellow, always tried to be the 'dad' to me. within a few months he moved in. so three days ago, i heard my father had commited suicide. he overdosed on sleeping pills and alcohol and died in his sleep. it was a complete shock to me and even though i haven't seen him in a long time, i still couldn't take it, i mean, he still was my dad. okay, so that's not it. yesterday, i heard that my mom's boyfriend was, how weird and stupid cliche it sounds, my real dad. he left the house when i was 2, due to issues i don't know. so my stephfather was dead, not my real father. i now hate this guy with all my heart, because he just left me and my mom when i was young and i can't forgive him that. he still lives here but i don't talk to him anymore. my mom maybe has breastcancer, the doctors are still investigating it. if my mom dies, i probably have to life with my 'father', because my family is very small, i only got 1 uncle, and 1 aunt (not together) and a nephew. i'm kinda depressed right now and just don't know what to do really. it's not like i can do anything. i just needed to get this out of the way..
I'm really sorry to hear about this :/ it seems you've gone through a lot of unfortunate experiences. The doctors haven't confirmed that your mom has cancer yet, right? A lump in the breast isn't always cancerous, don't get your hopes down yet <3 My sister had a lump in her breast a few weeks ago which she panicked about, but it turned out to be harmless. Even if it does turn out to be cancerous, the survival rate these rates are much higher than they used to be. The best thing you can do is stick by your mom's side and give her hope. You say you liked your real dad before you discovered he was your real dad? If he's a genuinely nice guy, you should try to like him. Give him a chance- you don't know the reason why he left when you were two. I do think it's very unfair that the truth was kept hidden from you for so long, in my opinion everyone has the right to know who their biological parents are. But since he's back in your life and probably won't leave it now, you should try to give him a chance, despite how hard that may seem. You don't have to call him "dad", but give him the decency he deserves as a nice guy.
Thank you for your kind advice. Well I just found out that my mum doesn't have breastcancer, which is a relieve. My 'real' dad decided to move out for a while, and let me think everything over. I went to talk to him the other day, and we spoke for about an hour or 3-4. I now know why he left and some other stuff, which I'm not gonna share here. I still dislike him, but I think I can get over it eventually, and maybe he can live with us again. I'll never see him as my real father, who was cremated (sp?) 2 days ago, but I think he can be a nice guy. Thanks again it actually really helped me. =)
That sounds really rough. It can be fun drama to watch on TV, but some people just don't get how harsh it can be. I'm glad your mom is okay, she should know how to check up on that kind of thing, women need to have yearly screenings after they turn thirty-ish. There are also a lot of sites that offer "insight" on this particular disease. Your stepdad seemed like a problem, but not all people are completely bad. He probably loved you, but he also knew that he wasn't your real dad, and you not knowing would cause unknown friction between him and your mother. I can't say that everything he did was the greatest, but many people do become alcoholics to cope with problems and grief, and suicide is often seen as a last attempt to get out of the mistakes of life. It's good to talk to your biological father, and try to empathize, or at least find out his reasons for leaving. He might be a geniunely nice guy, so maybe give him a chance, just like he's a new boyfriend or something. He doesn't have to act like a dad right now, especially since he hasn't been around for the last few years, but you could try to get to know him, and see what kind of guy he really is. Good luck, Pumpkin King ;3
