*Not sure what to call it* Problems with me? D:

Wow... first thing, I really feel stupid for making this... V.V
But I have like no one else to turn to. See here are a few things, I've been helping people out for like my hole life, right? I'm always the positive thinker.
But lately I've been thinking about everything in one big rush. And I'm starting to hate myself.

I'm not sure on what you would call it. But I hate my friends in life. I'm sorta confused on my sexuality and that's fukking wrong if you ask me. I'm not sure how to say this.. like since I'm so helpful to other people. Give things, take time out of my life to help there, so that they don't do the wrong this and all.. and here I am.. feeling left out. When I go for help they shun me away. They don't give a sh!t about me. I ask for something, they turn me away.

It's like a respect issue, I guess... I feel so hurt inside... the other day... I wanted to kill myself. I had the knife out and everything..[I feel like crying]
But I was so chicken to do it. And now your probably thinking I'm a 'attention grabber' or something, right? Heh...

And here, with my parents.. I'll be honest.. I tried a drug a few mouths ago... and I told me mom cause the cops cause they caught us. And everytime I go to them with a problem.. they too shun me away, saying that 'I'ma drug user and they don't give a sh!t." I told them it was a one-in-a-life-time-thing, and next thing I know, at Thanksgiving they tell- well my dad- Tells everybody, and get this, afterward's, when we were leaving, I was saying good-bye, thinking that they would have forgotten about the hole thing... and they don't even look at me. No good-bye, no later.. no nothing.
I go home..and just forget about it all... hoping to anyways.

I wanna start a new life, where nobody knows of my sins.. where nobody knows me, and my past... but I'm not sure...on what to do with my life anymore....

 

I'm sorry that happened to you. :(

If you're friends did that to you then their not really your friends. And the whole thing with ur family, give it some time. They do care. Sometimes people have different ways in expressing their care, even if you don't agree with it. You just gotta give yourself sometime to think things through. Think of it as your personal "you time" and take things slow.

 

Oh hun :/

Ok, lets take this one small thing at a time <3

1) Your friends.

I can relate to this, it is the same with me, my friends always come to me for advice but when I want it they are no-where to be seen. I tried talking to them about it and got no-where. My suggestion is break away and find some new friends who will actually appreciate you. It will be hard yes, but if you truly want a new start then you need to make changes.

2) Your parents.

I don't know what to say about that, I don't know your parent so I couldn't comment. However I would say maybe try sitting them down and explaining the situation to them. Tell them you feel hurt and like they are pushing you away. Understandably they are shocked that their child admitted to taking a drug, thats normal, but they need to come to terms with it and move on. Personally I think they should be bloody thankful that they have such an honest daughter.

3) Thoughts of suicide and possible depression.

Suicide is never the answer, the fact you couldn't do it makes you strong, not weak. However if you have thoughts like this a lot, please make an appointment to see a specialist. Even if it is just your doctor or something.



~~~


The important thing to remember is that you are not alone, every day people go through bad times and they survive, so can you <3

Yes there will always be times where you regret something that happened but that is life and that is how we learn. If we never made mistakes we would never know what was wrong and right.

If you truly wish for things to change then you have to change them yourself sweetheart. The world wont change for you, you have to change the world.

I don't know whether any of this makes sense, let alone helps, but all I can do is say that if you ever do need to talk, I wont push you away :]

 

Christain related answer

Rainbow, I had the same kinda of thing happen, almost everyone i know turns to me with their problems, and I would get mad when they wouldnt listen to mine, then, my school got a new student, and I made friends with him. He told me that I seemed mad alot (which was true, I was), and one sunday he invited me to go to church with him. So I did, and ever since then, whenever I have a problem, I will try to talk to my friends, but I will pray, because, there is someone that will listen, god.

P.S. if you ever need someone to talk to, PM me, I will try to help you through the bad times that everyone has to go through. :)

 

I'm not good on giving advice but there are a lot of on this site that give great advice and can help you; hope your life does get back on track, the way it's supposed to be.

Good luck

 

oh man. so sad. ok, time to hitch out of my super dark and witchy personality and what-not.

first off. wow.

second. ok, your parents sound really mad, like wow. but seriously i wouldn't shun you like that. i'd be Da**ed proud that my daughter told me she did drugs. it means she trusted me, and that's something every father wants. his daughter's trust. so theres one strike on them. second, i see where you are coming from, and respect you for TRUSTING us here online with this problem.

on the suicide note, i've thought bout it once or so (before i found meaning to life). but the thought that always comes is "don't live for yourself but for thoughs who really depend on you, for there are ppl who really need your life out there in the world" and actually suicide is a very selfish thought. neways.

on the drug thing. it's predictable that kids these days will do that. If i wasn't who i am today i would of been in that picture. then i would be dead. neways yeah.

ok, on that respect thing, it's typical. Poppet, ppl really do care for you. *hugs* you can always turn to us for your loving need. But you need to turn to your Parents. Get them to sit down and LISTEN to you. even if you threaten them with YOUR life. like idk. just scare them into listening.

but just know, we really care bout you.

 

Your friends don't seem fair. I wouldn't let them bother you, but then again that's not always easy to accomplish. I myself can relate to that and it really does annoy me too. As far as your parents, I would try to calmly talk to them. Try to fix any issues that you feel are still hurting you.

The suicide cause won't help you. I’m sure you’re much stronger then that and I’m also sure there are a lot of people who love you. Anyway, it’s a scary road to take. I am also depressed. I think my depression is really bad, but I don't want to take my life away. I just feel stuck and it sucks. I really hope the best for you. If you feel like talking to someone, I'm here to always help.

 

You should get new friends. If your friends aren't there for you, like you are for them, then, in reality, they aren't really your friends. They're meant to be there for you and have your back. If you don't, break ties with them and try to find new ones, as difficult as it may be, it'll make you happier in the long run. As for your parents, sit down and talk with them about how you feel to both their reaction and actions to that event, because you were honest with them, and it isn't fair that they should "gossip" about it, making others stay away from you further. And if they don't get the message, talk to a guidance consuler of some sort to help bridge that gap between you and your parents. And you are not chicken for not killing yourself. I was at one point, suicidal, and I couldn't bring myself to do it. Now, looking back at it, it's made me a stronger person and it wasn't a pleasant experience, but sometimes you have to just stop everything and try to regain control of your life. And we all have rough times in our life, but when we come out of those stages, we become wiser and stronger, in a sense. If you need anymore help, send me a PM, even if it's just to vent.

 

I'm happy to hear...that I really have people to talk to.
I feel acknowledged with my problems, and that I'm really cared for.

CtR: I've been thinking about leaving my friends alone, and leaving them. I've done it a few times and then they started forgetting about me. Till I walked pasted them... and I was pulled back in.. I've been discussing with a DestinyStar about a private school. She was wanting to go there, because she didn't want to be with the same people again next year. That's what got me thinking, I may just join her next year about that private school.
Is this something I should do?

Jenkins: Wow, you really made me lol, about scaring my parents into listening.xD

Roxas: I've always thought that talking to God would be.. a good thing. My mom is starting to talk about going to church, and I'm taking her up on that offer. Maybe I'll find some friends there in my search.

Mike:I'm happy we can relate, and I'm not having any thoughts of suicide anymore. I've thought about it, and it's not something I'd want to do, because of my love ones.

レッツ・シェイク: I'm hoping to get stronger about this. <:3

I'm happy I have real friends that care, and that I relate to all of you. I'm sorry to put this all on you like this...but I'm really happy and revealed to have it off my chest.

As for my parents, I've been wanting to tell them that they are lucky to have a daughter like me. I'm as honest as you can get, and tell my mother everything. I was told once that, I'm punished the hardest because I'm the eldest in my family. And my parents are leaning..off me.

 

just something i would do. if you need an online shoulder, heres one *cuts shirt around shoulder and offers* just blow your nose on....a handkercheif.

 

*Blows nose on your shoulder*
What? Oh.. I'm sorry..
xDDDD

Thanks, thanks.. very much. x3

 

geez *wipes snot off, looks at hand covered in snot, then licks* oooh.......tasty-ish -.-

XD i'm so strange.

 

Salty or sweet?
xDD

 

If you want to go to Private School then yes that might be something worth doing, I would at least look into it, but make sure its what you want. There is no set thing you should do <3 just different choices. Life is choices.

If you find it hard to remove yourself from that group of friends, and it keeps going in the same destructive cycle, it might be the better choice for you.

As for your parents and them learning from you, that is something that is fairly common. Parents are often overly strict or way too leniant on the eldest as they are learning from that child how to raise children. Its frustrating I know xD but something that is just one of those things. It is still worth talking to them and telling them how you feel.


:glomp:

 

sweet ;D

XD